Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

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Cats and Tea
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Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Cats and Tea »

Not sure if I'm been here long enough to earn a personal blog but I need a place to ramble and this seems to qualify. (If for some reason, I have not earned a personal blog yet or this place does not qualify feel free to delete immediately.)

I'm also not sure about the title. I sort of just came up with it on the spot and it's nothing like I would have done on my previous forum. I'm a very uncreative person. and yet, recently, I've been very creative. It's strange and new and it terrifies me! We're talking about a 21 year writer's block here and all of a sudden, I'm speaking and thinking in alliterations and rhymes and I don't know why! I've always felt that I have the personality of a writer but have never been able to write; writing scared me. I feel like this has changed.

This somewhat relates to my first point. Today, I realized that I'm confident. I can say with all honesty that I never thought this would happen. I have been unconfident and self-loathing all my life. This reached its absolute worst when I was about 17. It's slowly gotten better since then. I was scrolling through my Reddit posts earlier and I realized, even last month I was still unconfident and full of anxiety. This has completely changed. I'd completely forgotten about anxiety; something that used to consume my daily life. How could I forget about it?

A month ago, I wouldn't have comfortably described myself as confident. I doubted that I would ever be fully confident but now I say it without any irony. I don't hate myself anymore. I have my flaws and I still get insecure but that's no reason to think I am a waste of space or anything like that. I like this new feeling.

It's too soon to note the catalyst of this change, but it does correlate pretty strongly with my developing interest in paganism. I find that interesting.

I'm the kind of person who likes order. I like lists and directions and a list of directions! Paganism has pretty much none of that. I still feel so lost on how to be pagan. I know nothing of how to follow a god/goddess. I know nothing of crystals and herbs and I know nothing of how to find out about any of that! Just call me Jon Snow. The idiom, "up the creek wihtout a paddle" comes to mind but a more accurate description would be, "in the middle of the ocean, on a dinghy, without a paddle".

My love life has been complicated recently, so as I was on my walk this morning and I decided to say a pray to a love deity so I could hopefully find some answers. I went back and forth on whether to pray to Aphrodite or Freyja. I feel closer to the Greek pantheon because I know more about it but Freyja just felt right so I prayed to Freyja. When I got home, I decided I should learn more about Freyja. In doing so, I found many similarities to her and to my path. I always liked how she was associated with cats. I also learned that one of her sacred animals, is a raven. *extremely frustrated sigh*

I've discussed elsewhere on this forum why I think the raven is a part of my spiritual journey, despite what it may seem, I am trying to keep this post concise so I won't discuss it here. The raven is so ubiquitous throughout paganism! It's almost impossible to figure what deity this is from! I originally attributed this to Odin and while Odin does seem fatherly (he is called the Allfather) he doesn't seem right. A raven can also be a symbol of Hecate, who I felt very close to from the beginning. But Freyja kind of seems right.

I do feel close to Hekate and I do trust her but I am also a little afraid of her. It is constantly reiterated that Hekate is a dark goddess so following her feels like playing with fire. That doesn't really suit my personality. But Freyja seems pretty similar to Hecate. Both are attributed to magic, divination, and the moon. But they seem to be healthy opposites of each other as well. Freyja is associated with the full moon and Hekate the dark moon. Freyja with cats and Hekate with dogs. To my knowledge, Hekate seems to be a dark goddess with light aspects and Freyja is a light goddess with dark aspects. I think follwoing both of them will give me a healthy balance. However, I still feel like I should follow a male deity. I guess when one presents himself....

I am interested in hearing other opinions on what I've written about deities (or the rest of the post in general). I know so little about this topic that every fact or opinion is welcome.

Also, holy crap, I just realized how little I've posted! Only five times! I'm on this forum every day and I've read through countless threads. I've always been more of a listener than a talker. I usually only talk in long bursts or not at all so please don't misunderstand me.

Thank you for reading yet another longwinded post.
C&T
"You can never find a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
C.S. Lewis
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SnowCat
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by SnowCat »

Paganism is a journey, not a destination. Finding the deities we're supposed to work with is sometimes a challenge. It can be difficult to just relax and let things unfold, but trying to force the issue doesn't usually work. Just keep exploring the things that feel right.

Snow
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Naudia Threng
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Naudia Threng »

I've got a couple comments, so I'll quote what they are related to:
SnowCat wrote:Paganism is a journey, not a destination. Finding the deities we're supposed to work with is sometimes a challenge. It can be difficult to just relax and let things unfold, but trying to force the issue doesn't usually work. Just keep exploring the things that feel right.
That is very wise advice. And I'd stress the part about exploring what feels right. I explored like, so many paths and deities. Its ridiculous. But, there is nothing wrong with following many paths up until you find the right one. That's how I know most of what I do. Just don't be afraid to try and feel new things.
Cats and Tea wrote:It is constantly reiterated that Hekate is a dark goddess


I never really thought of Hekate as a dark goddess. She is a neutral goddess to me. She is valued and respected by all the other gods and was given power in every domain. She can raise the dead, make the ocean seize up in mighty waves, and call down great storms. She has power over life and death. She is death and rebirth all in one. Some of her symbols are the dog, the key, and the torch. She is also a triple goddess. The key is new beginnings and unveiled secrets, the dog is a loyal protector and companion (though I prefer cats), and the torch is center of warmth and light. To me, she is neither dark nor light, but somewhere in limbo. She is feared by the gods, yet she does not command or control them. She has a palace in the underworld called The Shades and did kill many mortals. But it has been said that she will preserve all those who follow her and her many forms. But non shall ever receive mercy, if they deny her divinity. She is also helpful though. She was the one who heard Persephone taken by Ares, and called out to tell Demeter. She then made to infinite torches for she and Demeter to hold as they searched for Persephone. She is the true eldest god, yet she claims no place on the throne. And when the titans were slain, Zeus gave her honor and power, even though she took no side in the battle. I believe that is a not a dark goddess or a light goddess. But, a powerful goddess.
Cats and Tea wrote:This somewhat relates to my first point. Today, I realized that I'm confident. I can say with all honesty that I never thought this would happen. I have been unconfident and self-loathing all my life. This reached its absolute worst when I was about 17. It's slowly gotten better since then. I was scrolling through my Reddit posts earlier and I realized, even last month I was still unconfident and full of anxiety. This has completely changed. I'd completely forgotten about anxiety; something that used to consume my daily life. How could I forget about it?

A month ago, I wouldn't have comfortably described myself as confident. I doubted that I would ever be fully confident but now I say it without any irony. I don't hate myself anymore. I have my flaws and I still get insecure but that's no reason to think I am a waste of space or anything like that. I like this new feeling.
I do believe this is another thing that we share. I know that before Wicca, I was always quiet. Never talked or stood up for myself or anyone. But the first day I prayed to Hekate, I felt strong and happy and free and I felt like I had becoming who I was meant to be. And don't worry if you don't know much yet, It a strange process. You might want to try books by Kardia Zoe. She has some great information for beginners.
O Goddes, all praise to you. Ta em hotep, anekh hrak. Lady Isis, I adore you. Nebet aset, tu a atu.
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Deejean
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Deejean »

I have to agree with the confidence boost theory. But every time I venture back to this spiritual/magical path I feel much more confident. I wouldn't go as far to say I'm completely confident or that I've lost all my anxiety but it sure is helping. Maybe we are just feeling our true power and realizing we really have nothing to fear?
Angelhair

Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Angelhair »

Just trust your instincts on this one. Nothing is written in stone in Wicca. I honour many Gods, yet I have one that I work with mainly. Yet in ritual, I may call on others. Everything depends on how I "feel" or what draws me to it at that moment in time. Research is the key. Wiccan research is a wonderful thing. As you learn and develop your knowledge, so your true self will emerge. It will feel right to the soul and your inner conscience. And you will feel peace and enlightenment. Truly at one with who you are, and in touch with so many and varied paths. You are on a wonderful road. Embrace it, but most of all, enjoy it. You are about to become all you were meant to be. Good luck. Blessed be.
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Cats and Tea
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Cats and Tea »

You know you are lazy when you procrastinate posting on a forum. :roll:

But I thank you all for your posts. I've read through them all and I'm grateful for the contributions. This is truly a learning process and different opinions matter. Lily, thank you for what you said on Hecate. It's interesting to see her complexities; the more I learn of her, the more exciting it is to follow her.

It's early enough in the morning, I got myself a nice cup of peppermint tea and one of my cats is nearby. My newest candle (green tea and sage) is burning. Lovely time for a post.

I did a little thing for the blue moon. I did my first real ritual. (Is ritual the right word if it happens only once?) I'm sure my methods and my performance were less than perfect, but I stand by it. I've never been one for self-led anything; I constantly second guess myself, but I'm 21 now and it's high time I learn to stand on my own two feet.

I know that the common rule is to study for a year before you perform anything, but I learn by doing and I'm far too impatient and get bored far too quickly to wait for a year. As a solitary practitioner, I can't wait for others approval.

I really am growing. I used to be petrified at the mere thought of deviating from the rules, any rules. But I'm learning my opinion is okay. I don't have to be governed.

I originally thought I would post my ritual, but now I don't think so. It feels private. I still don't have anything planned for Lughnasadh. I should figure out something to do.

I have found polytheism to be truly refreshing. I realize I didn't identify as an atheist because I thought the concept of deity to be impossible, but because I rejected monotheism. I'm grateful I fully researched my options because I am much more content than I thought I'd ever be.

Thank you for reading!
Blessed be.
C&T :flyingwitch:
"You can never find a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
C.S. Lewis
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Cats and Tea
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Cats and Tea »

This is going to be a period related post. I suggest not reading if you are sensitive to the topic of menstruation.

So for the last few years my periods have been odd. I would not get a period for months on end and then randomly get a period. It was never longer or heavier than usual or anything like that. This past year, I decided to try some herbal remedies to encourage a period. I started drinking parsley tea and taking dong quai every day for a month. I finished an entire bottle of dong quai and I didn't get my period at all. I became very concerned and went to the gynecologist. She ran several tests for PCOS (which I don't have nor do I have any symptoms of but she was doing her job) and gave me birth control. Conveniently, the day I got a prescription for birth control (which was six months after my last period) I got my period.

So I was on the pill for about four months and then for various reason I didn't get my prescription for birth control one time and I went three weeks without the pill and I got my period. A legitimate period. Considering my history, I couldn't believe I got my period so soon after quitting the pill!

Something I think is worth noting, my doctor said the absence of my period is likely because of my weight gain, but I think it has more to do with my depression, which is what initiated my weight gain in the first place. It makes sense that now my depression is gone (THANK ALL THE GODS.) my period has returned.

I'm monitoring my cycle pretty closely now using the app Clue to see if my period comes on time this month. I pray it does. I'm supposed to be in my fertile window right now, so I'm drinking either parsley tea or raspberry leaf tea every day as they are supposed to aid fertility. I think I was getting ovulation pains today so I'm hopeful.

I realize now that I didn't like being on the pill. I like my period. I also got my first menstrual cup two cycles ago (meaning a year ago) and I loved using it! It felt like a waste to use the menstrual cup for my bleeding while on the pill.

I'm also looking at cloth pads now. When my paychecks start to come in I think I'll get a few. I love the DivaCup but it's not enough for me. When I was using disposables, I preferred pads over tampons. So I think I'll like cloth pads.

I've always loved my period and didn't understand why some women referred to periods as "the curse". Of course, after thoroughly listening to some women's stories, I think I'm just spoiled. My period isn't terrible at all.

So that's a long post about periods. Which, oddly enough, is a topic I'm passionate about.


(I'm sorry if this post seems incoherent. I couldn't figure out to make this train of thought appear linear.)

C&T
"You can never find a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
C.S. Lewis
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Cats and Tea »

I'm back, I guess? I apologize for the absence but I'm sure you were all just fine without me. :wink: I needed to take a break and think on some things. Get my life together, settle down in my job. The fun stuff.
As usual, I thought about religon exstesively. I found that there were things I was doing on the pagan path that I didn't like. But that just means there's more for me to explore. I want to explore divination a bit more. I shyed away from it at first but now I can't shake it. Some aspects of my past make me think it might be worthwhile for me.

I want to try and maintain a presence here. Like, I said, there were things I had to figure out and that necessitated a break. I hope I am on good terms with everyone on here. I really do respect this place, and it's participants, as a valuable resource I hope I can be a useful contribution once I know more. This place is different from other forums I joined previously. It's more relaxed and there are less rules. I like how kind everyone is here. That's also pretty rare in forums.j

That's it for now. I'm kind of tired. I think I'll post more tomorrow.

Have a good night!
C&T
"You can never find a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
C.S. Lewis
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by Becks »

Hi, nice to see you.
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SnowCat
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Re: Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea

Post by SnowCat »

Welcome back. Sometimes part of exploring your path is just getting away and letting yourself be. Even the management here takes breaks. It's a healthy thing to do.

Snow
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