The Ramblings of a Solitary

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azriel
Posts: 189
Joined: Fri Nov 29, 2013 2:47 pm
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Location: Columbia, MD

Re: The Ramblings of a Solitary

Post by azriel »

My family's humble altar for El Día de los Muertos. Let us welcome our loved ones and others who have come to join us in this celebration. We shall prepare a feast for all to enjoy.

Azriel
^-^~
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Ofrenda
Ofrenda
Unfold your wings and take off into the sky
Before you're burned, become the sun
Blow, oh wind... It guides you into the sky
Before your whole self is taken away

Oasis~~~Gackt
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azriel
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Joined: Fri Nov 29, 2013 2:47 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Columbia, MD

Re: The Ramblings of a Solitary

Post by azriel »

After my dream from last night, I knew it was finally time for me to confront my shadow and move forward in my spiritual pursuits.

First thing, I went to a store to find a cauldron so that I can burn all of my Distillation exercises. I found one but I was also drawn to a tiny figurine so I bought it as well. When I returned home, I went outside and read all of my exercises and found some patterns. Attributes that bother me about people are things that I am ashamed of in myself. After reading them, I burned them in my cauldron and allowed my worried to smolder away. I then washed the cauldron in water to initiate the healing process. To prepare for my confrontation, I took a shower. Just as my Shadow is bring brought to the surface, so should I be bare, and hide nothing from her. I placed my sodalite bracelet on my arm, lit a candle, and began to play some music for the journey. I remained skyclad in the dark and began to meditate.

I awoke in a forest, naked. I did not have to walk far before I came across Hawthorne, the World Tree. I asked to be shown the way to where my Shadow lay, and a root lifted to reveal an entrance into a cave. I entered the cave and was engulfed in darkness. I hugged the wall and was frightened by the unknown. I could not hear anything either. After a little while, a furry hand grabbed mine. I knew immediately that it was my Shadow. I asked to see her but she began to pull away. I told her to not be afraid. We are a part of each other and I would never be ashamed of her. An oculus appeared in the ceiling, and soft light broke apart the darkness. I led my Shadow to the light and she was my reflection but a little more furry. She was a hybrid animal/human; I would think wolf.

She was afraid to look me in the eye. I noticed that she had open wounds on her legs and arm, in the same position as where I had cut myself when I was younger. I found some water in the cave and used it to clean her wounds. I then placed my hands over them and sent white, healing energy. All that was left were scars. I told her not to worry, scars are a lesson that we can learn from, and also teach to others so that they can take solace in knowing that they are not alone. We should never regret what happened. But we need to be more honest to ourselves. If something happens then we need to accept what happened and acknowledge it. The more we hide our feelings, the harder it will be to find it in myself to love and be proud of who I am. She seemed content, so I hugged her. I told her that never again will we be alone since we have accepted each other.

My Shadow then scratched my back and I fell in pain. the blood from my back fell to the ground and green-life began to grow. She then took my arm and ripped it off my body. The pain was indescribable. Muscles tearing and skin being torn. Tendon ripped from bone and thrown to the floor as if a piece of garbage. She did the same for every limb and finally cut my head off. I was still alive. I could still see everything. It was cold and the pain started to fade away. That was not the end though. She ripped open my abdomen and stepped inside. Before she was completely swallowed into my being, she turned to face me and smiled.

I continued to lay there, feeling more and more light-headed, the body no longer tethered me. However, before I completely separated myself from my corporeal form, my guardians appeared. I saw Odin, Loki, Hathor and Sekhmet each retrieve a limb and approach the trunk of my body. My head was lifted and turned to face Inari. He smiled to let me know that everything will be all right. Each limb was placed up against my body and white light stitched the pieces together. Inari then brought my head to reconnect with my body. It was overwhelming, the reconnection to "feeling." Every nerve was firing and I could feel everything at once.

The oculus disappeared and I was once again plunged into darkness. However, my senses seemed sharper and My body began to change. The bones grew smaller and fur appeared all over my body. Following the scent of "green" I found my way out of the cave and realized I had become a kit; a baby fox. Inari was there to greet me, but this time, he was in his fox form. His white fur shined with an iridescent glow, and a warm breeze was given off as he waved his nine tails. He led me back to my Inner temple, but this time I had difficulty climbing up the stairs. Inari literally had to give me a boost. Once inside, my deities were there to greet me. I declared that I had confronted and melded with my shadow. Today was the beginning of a new day. I asked if our combined form is deserving of a new name, one that we can share.

A new name was given. I awoke from my trance and realized that the little figurine that I had been drawn to at the store was a baby fox. This was a symbol of my joining with my Shadow.

I do not feel different other than a surprising boost in self-confidence. For the first time in my life, I looked into a mirror and thought to myself, I'm beautiful. While there have been some trials in our life, I am proud to say that we can move forward on this journey together, my friend.

Azriel
^-^~
Unfold your wings and take off into the sky
Before you're burned, become the sun
Blow, oh wind... It guides you into the sky
Before your whole self is taken away

Oasis~~~Gackt
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Nightwatcher
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Re: The Ramblings of a Solitary

Post by Nightwatcher »

When reading about your aunt, it made me think of myself sadly. I tend to be defensive and expect something in return when I help. But me seeing that in myself and not getting defensive is a good thing I guess?

Also, your Day of the Dead makeup is just super pretty~
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azriel
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Gender: Female
Location: Columbia, MD

Re: The Ramblings of a Solitary

Post by azriel »

No one trait is that bad on its own. It is the context of the situation and when the traits become exaggerated that it can begin to harm others and the user. It certainly does not make you a bad person! I think that you are in the clear since you acknowledge your own actions. Rather then being like the few people who consider themselves perfect and free of faults, people such as yourself can learn and grow!

I will also admit that I am someone who will go out of my way to help others, but I do get a little frustrated when no one helps me the one time I ask for assistance. What can we do?

I hope that one day my aunt can learn to see herself in this way (knowing her traits for what they are), more for my moms sake rather then for my own pride. I have gotten over what happened in Mexico, but my mom has not. This is her family and she can not believe that she never truly knew her siblings until now.

And thank you about the makeup!!

Azriel
^-^~
Unfold your wings and take off into the sky
Before you're burned, become the sun
Blow, oh wind... It guides you into the sky
Before your whole self is taken away

Oasis~~~Gackt
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azriel
Posts: 189
Joined: Fri Nov 29, 2013 2:47 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Columbia, MD

1st Group Journey

Post by azriel »

Since the past few months have been a blossoming of abilities and new gifts, I have sought out guidance from someone in hopes that I can begin an apprenticeship as a Shaman. I have found one. We have been maintaining e-mail contact and I finally met up with her today to join one of her group journeying.

We began by standing in a circle and singing our names and where we are from. We then stated things we are grateful for. We each chose a rattle; I picked the one with a deer antler for a handle and a separate horn for the rattle. We then danced in a circle chanting our own songs and inviting our guides and friends to join us. I moved slowly so that my animal spirits could keep up and each of my deities led my body for a short period of time. My movements shifted slightly depending on who was leading. My movements ranged from expressive and sensual to heavy and powerful. How I shook the rattle also changed. With Inari, the rattle was shaken similarly to how bells are shaken in a Kagura dance.

While still in a trance, we moved towards our journey space and went straight into our first. My spot is up against a wall so that I have back support and then I also sat on a blanket so the cold floor would not bother me. Tyrtle (master, teacher, friend, however you wish to call her) was drumming the entire time for our journey.

In my first journey I wished to ask my guides if this path is the correct one for me. I was led to my IT and was greeted by the All Father. We sat down and drank together before he told me he had to teach me something. He grabbed my hands and breathed on me. I felt white, healing light enter through my hands and felt light-headed. I was able to then use this technique on a woman who has come to me for help. I sent her healing energy through our hands and she left in tears. What was left was black, tar-like balls in my hands. He explained that those are the leftover negative energy that was replaced by the healing energy. He said I had to convert it and through a similar fashion, I did.

We were called back by four breaks in the drumming and shared our experiences. We also prepared for the second journey which we would perform on behalf of someone else. I journeyed for Tyrtle, the teacher. This journey was very brief and different since there was no journey. It was a single image that was repeated over and over. It felt personal so I only shared it with her and she was happy.

I know that this was short but it would take too long to fully describe what an ecstatic experience this was, and I am so happy that I will begin to apprentice with Tyrtle starting in January! My new life begins now.
Unfold your wings and take off into the sky
Before you're burned, become the sun
Blow, oh wind... It guides you into the sky
Before your whole self is taken away

Oasis~~~Gackt
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RosieMoonflower
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Re: The Ramblings of a Solitary

Post by RosieMoonflower »

This all sounds very interesting! Thanks for sharing!
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