The Ramblings of a Solitary

[azriel]

Alright, I wanted to start this blog more as a diary for myself as to the general things that occur in my life, my thoughts and so on and so forth. We shall see how this goes.

Over the past two weeks I have found about 10 coins and various keys and am usually able to understand if it is a message and what are they trying to tell me. This time, not so much.

I assumed that I was going to find a job and that new doors/opportunities would be revealing themselves to me. This was why I waited to ask for advice.

After no apparent solution, and the finding of many more coins and keys, I finally decided to do a reading with my tarot cards to find out who is trying to send me a message, and what it is.

The results of the reading were basically that I am trying to do too much for myself, and it is time to ask/accept help when offered. If I do too much alone then I will end up tiring myself out or when I finally ask for help, no one will want to. The offering of coins and keys was to show me that I need to stop worrying about financial situations/housing because I have help that will allow me to take life easier.

However, and this happens every time this deity comes to tell me something (Loki). There is always the warning that the unexpected can occur, and there may be times where I am at my wits end, so while I need to learn to accept help from others, I need to be prepared for the times when there is no help when I need it.

As such, I have started a little saving jar for all of the coins and loose change that I have. It is not much, but hopefully I will be ready for whatever the ups and downs may be in my life.

Blessings to all,
Azriel
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[azriel]

My whole life I have been used to living with an animal. However, since I moved to México, I am only able to play or interact with their pets in the main living area. I am not a people person, and I love alone time. I enjoy the animals company but again alone. When there are other people, everyone is very needy in this house, they want constant attention and praise about how smart they are and I do not like engaging in these types of social situations. What bothers me is how angry people get when they see that I treat animals with respect, I talk to them, I hug and kiss them, I give them massages. Specifically the people I live with, see this as an insult to them.

So, two nights ago I had a very long dream about a red dragon and one of the subjects that came up was the fact that I needed a companion in my own living space. I could not bring the house's pets up to my room so I had to settle with finding myself a new friend.

On my usual walk, I passed a pet store and went inside and the first thing to catch my eye was these deep, maroon red, corona betta fish. All the other fish swam away or turned around, but this one did not. He stared me down as if to prove how strong he was. I brought him home.



As I was thinking of a name for him, the wind blew various little, gold leaves into his tank and he started hoarding them. He appeared to me as a dragon protecting his gold and there was an advertisement for the Hobbit on a give-out pamphlet so I named him Smaug.

He is now joining me where I work/study/do anything so now I can freely talk to him throughout the day.

I would like to formally welcome Smaug to my family!
Blessings!
Azriel
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[azriel]

I would like to wish a Happy Yule/Litha to all!

I spent my Yule alone in my room and performed a small ritual with my Yule altar in welcoming back the sun!



It has various Navidad/Tres Reyes decorations but they are all I have and who does not mind being festive?

I then shared my tiny Yule snack with my Gods and Goddesses so that they may share in the celebration. Unfortunately I do not have a kitchen and only had apple juice and chocolate chip cookies.




Blessings and Feliz Yule a todos!
Azriel
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[lilmizsunshine727]

That sounds like a very smart thing to do. I myself have started trying to spend less and save more too.

[azriel]

I think this is a simple but beautiful song about growing up and maturing. The imagery is also stunning.

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While many people are under the impression that growing up is easy and everything will be provided for, I love how this song shows that there are ups and downs, lessons to be learned, but ultimately we find our way and become stronger in the long run!

Blessings
Azriel
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[azriel]

On my walk yesterday I encountered two ladies who wanted to share with me a free site to download the Bible in various languages. While I do not agree with the Bible as a moral for living, I do enjoy reading it so I listened to these ladies as they were trying to explain things to me. Finally, they handed me a magazine and once I arrived home I began to read it out of curiosity. I was appalled. Here are some of the things I found in the magazine.

* The only way to understand the Bible is to have a Jehovah's Witness explain it to you.
* It claims that God is a spirit but we can not practice Spiritism.
* I quote, "Go hates homosexuals.......He also wants us to love other people."
* "The dead are not able to see or hear or do anything." Then why are people working so hard to go to heaven if the Bible says that nothing happens after we die?

These simply came from the magazine, and do not necessarily reflect the views of the ladies I met or the people who practice this religion. I just find it interesting the amount of contradictions within one magazine.

On a happier note, my family just celebrated Reyes and I received an amulet to protect myself from negative energy. Little does my family know that I am using the amulet to guard my room from their negative energy. Not that they are mean people but they are energy vampires and I feel exhausted whenever I am with them. But new year, new beginnings, here I come!

Azriel
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[azriel]

I am sorry to say that it has been a very long time since I have been on this blog or pursued any spiritual endeavors. I am not proud of this, but I was suffering a lot more than I allowed myself to realize. The family I was living with had pushed me into a corner and I was too polite to say anything about it. It was not until I moved back with my parents that I came to terms with how bad I had become. I fell back into a depression that lasted until August and had been seeing a Psychologist to help find a way to re-motivate myself.

I am better now and have been retuning myself to the Gods and Goddesses and all of my spiritual guides. While I wish that I had hung onto the magick during my low time, all of that free time allowed me to see where my interests truly lied and what I believe I can give back to the world. I still see myself as a solitary person, however I believe that my true gifts lie in being a messenger, an in-between for the living and those who have passed on. I wish to learn more about natural healing remedies and how to provide for myself and help those around me. From my research and studies, I believe that the Hedge witch path has been calling to me. A mix between a healer, a shaman, a wise woman, etc. I know that there is still a lot for me to learn, but I wish to start focusing my path so that I can begin to help others as they have helped me.

Azriel
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[firebirdflys]

Hi Azriel! Hope you dont mind me jumping into your blog, but I wanted to say welcome back and kudos for finding the strength to do what was right for you
I think we all have those moments or time periods in our life.
Here's to you! (Sound of clinking glasses)
Blessings, Firebird

[azriel]

Cheers firebirdflys and thank you! It is wonderful to be back and into the warm hearts of the extraordinary people on this forum. One feels warm and welcome in this kind of atmosphere!

As uncomfortable as the experience was, I believe that it was necessary in a way. Just as a forest is given a chance to regrow more beautiful and healthy after a fire, I think that my spiritual growth and awareness have also been allowed to blossom further then where I was before. I am nowhere near perfect or experienced, but a few steps further on my path.

Now, for the longest time, I have only had direct contact with my spirit guides and could only sense the other beings in this realm. However, on Thursday I had a dream where I was in a lush, green forest with wide spread, thin, tall trees. I was close to a small, grey ruin that appeared to have been a small tower at one point. In front o f me was a woman with broad, strong features, blond hair and dark eyes. She was wearing a grey-green jump-suit with a pin that had a diamond shape with outspread wings. She asked me to find her friends and tell them that she is okay.

I had never dealt with a spirit who needed help before, I had always tried to get in contact with a guide so this was new for me. I did some research and realized that she was Jacqueline Cochran. I found a documentary about her and currently only one person whom she was close to is still alive today. I was afraid to proceed but Jackie said I need to be more assertive and commit to all tasks that I put my mind to. I found the email of her friend, I still have no idea whether he will believe me or not, and I sent him a short email describing the dream and the message Jackie had for him.

It was a very strange experience as it coincided with me beginning to read about Shamanic paths and how they bridge the realms together. I believe that this is a message that the Shamanic path is the right one for me and Jackie wanted me to realize that I have to commit to it and be proud of my abilities, however small, and move forward in life. I also asked Jackie if she was ready to move on but she said no, something happened in Germany that she is not proud of and she still needs to heal before moving forward. In the mean time she will be staying with me and help me be more assertive in my actions.

Thank you all again for being so kind and compassionate!
Azriel
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[azriel]

Thanks to the help of many wonderful, beautiful souls, I am in a process of healing and have been working on techniques to ground myself and work with the Chakras to release the built up stress that is blocking the natural flow.



I understand that the colors are subject to change for each person, but I have found great significance in the placement or centers of Chakra and where they are on the body. So far, I have found blockage in the Heart, Sacral, and Base Chakras. Patience and more meditation will be performed to understand myself and how I can allow myself to free the blocks.

Azriel
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[azriel]

I no longer feel anger towards my family in Mexico, only sadness that my mother's faith in her family fell down the drain. While it was difficult, I believe that this trip was necessary so that my mother could truly see how her family is doing and how everything my abuelina said was true. Now, my mother is worried the most about her sister, who we have concluded is a high conflict personality. My mother can not talk on the phone with her without feeling drained by the end of the conversation.

I have wanted to help my mother so I decided to contact my abuelina, who passed away while I was in Mexico, to ask her for advice on what is going on with my aunt and how can we help her. The first part of the reading was not new, but it was still sad to read. My aunt is confused about her place in life and refuses to find fault in her own actions so she blames others, mainly my mother. For how we can help her, it was interesting because my abuelina basically said that there is nothing we can do, only keep an eye on her. My aunt's healing will come when she can help others selflessly. Right now she thinks of herself as a privileged woman and helps people but she always expects something in return; a service, praise or another gift. Once she learns how to help people because she wants to, not because it is a duty or responsibility, she will then learn how to see the beauty in the simple things.

Thank you Abuelina for your advice and we shall keep an eye on Susy to see if she ever needs our help or is willing to accept it.

Azriel
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[azriel]

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and found a rusty-red orb floating in the top corner of my room. I live in the basement so there was no light that could have illuminated this being. It was floating above my book case and then appeared in front of my eyes and danced in a pattern of the infinity sign. It was fairly large from what I have heard from other people about orb sizes. I believe it was about 1 ft in diameter.

I did not feel in danger and I was still fairly tired, so I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I performed a reading to get some information about this orb. The first three cards dealt with the planet Venus and referred to love. The last two cards referred to the sun and the moon. More work and meditation will be needed to fully understand what the orb was trying to tell me. I have a feeling that a balance is needed and either love is the answer or I need to work with a love that I already have.

A little confusing, pero ni modo.

I am happy to work with you!

Azriel
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[azriel]

In regards to the orb I saw the other night, I performed a meditation and entered my Inner Temple. Once inside my spiritual allies were there and I asked for their advice on what message the orb had for me. So far, the only beings who have "spoken" to me have been Inari, Odin, Sveidish, Jon and Jacqueline. Odin laughed and said that the orb was looking for help, not to give me a message. Woops, I felt a little silly and selfish. He also said that spirits "know" who can help them and unconsciously seek them out. Sometimes they get lost, or the person does not want to help.

I left my IT and Inari led me to a cave that was outside. Inside the cave I found the orb and it took the form of a woman. She is tall with black hair and dark eyes. She is dirty and only wears rags. I told her not to be afraid and she came with me to my IT, where she could stay until I found her a place to heal. It is hard to explain, but the rusty-red color I saw probably refers to the strong emotions, anger and passion, that had been allowed to fester and her emotions became stagnated.

I found a clear quartz today at school and when I returned home, I worked with my World Tree to cleanse the quartz and assign it as a healing home for my friend. Pure white energy left the tree and entered the quartz. I have given the crystal to her and she told me her name is Clarissa Myles. Today she starts her journey to heal all of the unresolved emotions she has and I continue to learn how I can help others as well.

Clarissa, I wish you luck!

Azriel
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[azriel]

Today is the anniversary of my Abuelita's passing. She stayed long enough to watch over me while I was in México, and then joined her love, Manolo, on the other side. May she rest in peace while her daughters are causing havoc.

Today, I went for a walk and was finding many white feathers that were pristine and of various sizes. I kept one and brought it back home with me. I began to wonder who this might be a message from, and assumed that since today is my Abuelita's anniversary, that it might be for my mother.

As it turns out, I received a call today for an interview with a small restaurant for a job!! I have been job hunting for more than a year, and failing at it as well. I had almost given up.

Now I believe that the messages were from my Abuelita to let me know that work is finally on its way so I can begin to move forward in life! As a thank you to her, I placed the tiny feather I found on my ofrenda for el Día de los Muertos, in front of her picture.

Muchísimas gracias Abuelita! Nunca olvidaré el amor que me diste cuando estabas viva. Te extraño y te quiero mucho.

Azriel
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[azriel]

Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain!

May all of your loved ones and new friends to come join you today and celebrate the life that exists within all beings, dead and alive. We are all connected by the Universal Energy and should rejoice in what connects us rather than what separates us today.

Azriel
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