Blogging The Shadows

[Echo_of_shadows]

I've got spell block. I haven't been able to completely write a new spell in weeks.
I have a powder recipe I'd like to write, but I haven't been motivated to do the necessary research on the ingrediants.
I want to repurpose & rewrite a spell I got from Llewellyn's spell a day collection, but I don't even know where to start.
I have a psychism spell started, but all I've got so far is the correspondences & 2 lines of a chant.
I might just start calling myself "half ass witch."

[Echo_of_shadows]

Stress.
::darkmood::
I think I can attribute my spell block to stress. Not only have I not been able to write new spells, I haven't even been keeping up with my Wiccan/Pagan studies like I used to.
I keep telling myself that after I move in October, I'll be able to not only study more but also practice more. The way things are now, I don't get what I deem to be sufficient privacy to practice as I wish.

[Echo_of_shadows]

Usually I worship the Devine in 1 of 2 ways: I call upon the Universe (an aspect some may consider The One or The All), or I call upon the Lord & Lady. If I do call upon the Devine by a specific name, it's usually a name that's a part of a specific spell or ritual.
Last night, I prayed to the Lord & Lady, asking Them if They felt I should worship Them by specific names. I asked if there was a specific energy that I could work with to better communicate with Them. I also asked if they could give me a sign, probably an obvious one cuz I don't always pay attention.
Some time early in the morning, I woke up, seemingly for no reason. My thoughts were muddled. The first coherent thought in my head was a single word: Athena.
I was thrilled! Not only did I have an answer, but I was given the name of a Goddess I was familiar with. I had first learned about Greek mythology when I was in elementary school & I had fallen in love.
I plan to learn more about Athena right away!

[Echo_of_shadows]

It seems that I am the victim of lazy syndrome. I haven't typed up anything new onto my computer from my physical BOS. All of my posts lately are products of the copy & paste method, or new stuff created on the fly. Take today for example, I have notes on Athena that I want to post in my BOS. I've had the computer to myself all day & what do I do? Everything else. There's also stuff that needs to be retyped from memory because they were only on the computer & they were deleted by accident.
My next project should be a motivation spell. :tongue:
...actually, I've just come up with a new cut & paste idea. Oh well, at least it's something.

So why am I so hard on myself about coming up with new spells & rituals? To me it's about practice makes perfect. It's said that if you want to become a better writer, write every day. If you want to become a better artist, practice your art every day. I want to be better at writing spells. I'm not sure if I could write spells every day, but it would be nice if I could write them more often.

"Dear Athena.
Give me wisdom and guidance.
Love,
Echo"

[Echo_of_shadows]

You can tell there's a full moon.
My internet is bonkers (nice, calm words. Good job, Echo. newangel )
I can't find a Wiccan book that I know has the chart I need.
My patience level is knee high & sinking.
I'm currently on my third attempt at listening to a particular song. (pesky bonkers internet)
I'm a bit crabby. That one's knee high & rising.
This witch is ready for the waning moon. I'll be working on banishing impatience.

[Echo_of_shadows]

*I meant to post this before my previous post, but you know how things go when there's a full moon.

7/22/13
I woke up this morning and found my BOS lying on the floor next to me. I have no idea how it got there. I spent quite a while pondering over it. I asked myself lots of questions.
Is it a sign?
If so, what about?
The new endeavor I wish to embark upon?
Is it because of tonight being a full moon?
Star alignment when I woke up?
Sun on the cusp between Cancer & Leo, moon in Aquarius, hour of Mars (I may be wrong)
Is this about how I feel currently about my magickal practices?
Was it waiting to comfort me? (I was crabby upon waking. How crabby? The love of my life told me "Good Morning," and I gave him the bird.)

I decided to try divination to see if maybe I could find a reason for my new bed buddy. Unfortunately, I lack a set of divination tools. What to do? Simple. My wonderful role playing boyfriend has a website bookmarked that features a tool that will roll random multi-sided dice for you. Score!
To figure out how many dice I would need rolled, I divided 72 by 4. (I don't have a tarot deck, but I have a notebook full off personal card interpretations.) I told the program to roll 18 four sided dice. I counted all the numbers that had landed on top and that gave me a total of 44. I looked through my notebook and counted the card pages until I reached the forty-fourth one. Based on the way my notebook is set up, the card was The Eight of Wands.
I laughed at myself because there was my present life right there in black and white.
Now, twelve hours later, my conclusion is that maybe the universe wanted me to give tarot a try. I'm going to set a goal of trying to obtain a tarot deck by the end of this year. In the mean time, I'll stick to the nerd dice.

8 wands.gif (24.42 KiB) Viewed 4809 times

*I picked this particular image of the Eight of Wands because the archer is a symbol of Sagittarius (which I am), and I like unicorns.

[Firebird]

Hi Echo..I'm A Sag. too!
here is my message to you....
Don't be so hard on yourself, We all get into a slump...at least you are recognizing the problem, and that's half the battle. I suggest you try to do just a little at a time, like...I have been trying to clean my garage, every time I would walk in, I would nearly hurl there was sooooooo much junk. But now I am tackling one box at a time, and I can't even do it every day, but as long as I already have this idea in my head that I CAN NOT do this all in one day (or even a week, or a month) then it is way less intimidating and overwhelming.
Another way to get my self to do things I wouldn't other wise is, go to school...take a mythology class maybe. I love ceramics but the only way it ever gets done is when I go to school.
If you had someone to study with that may also help, Pick a "Goddess hour " one day a week and do your research and copy your notes and such.
Many blessings to you, Firebird

[Echo_of_shadows]

7/23/13

I watched the sun rise this morning and the sky was a nice peach color that I don't see too often. But then the thunder started. I looked at the sky again. Still pretty. Sun peeking through the trees. Slowly but surely, a storm stole away the dawn. Five minutes later the sky looked as though the sun had changed its mind about rising. Grey clouds seemed to have frightened the peach away. It was so fascinating and beautiful to watch. A good day to be alive.

*These pics aren't mine. I don't live on some tropical island.
.....but if I become a millionaire, that's where I'm heading.

[Echo_of_shadows]

I've decided to keep track of my weekly "Goddess time" here. Maybe having a visual log of my magickal activities will make me feel like a more productive witch. Thank you, Firebird, for the idea.

Week 1
I'm making a page for my BOS that has both my magickal name and screen name written in bubble like Theban letters. It's almost done as of this posting. I just need to color in a couple more letters. I plan on adding more art to my BOS, especially now that I just bought myself a big box of gel pens.
I've been searching Youtube for DIY altar tool videos. Personally, I think that right after magickal practitioners learn about basic craft tools, they should then get a lesson about how the tools don't make the witch and how to make your own tools.
I think the only tools I've ever bought new are candles, incense sticks and one book. The last two books I bought were used. I don't really need any new books because I've now got several as PDF files on my computer. I will probably continue to buy candles and incense because I don't have the resources to make my own. I have no problem buying herbs because I usually buy herbs and spices for cooking purposes and I'm always experimenting with new herbs. I don't think I'll ever grow my own herbs because I'm honestly a serial plant killer; my thumb is far from green. I did buy a nice pair of candle stick holders and a pretty bowl for libations at a yard sale once, but they all disappeared when I moved a few months later.
Speaking of Youtube, I seen a post for a video called "Wicca and Witchcraft are Bridges into Darker Occultism." I didn't watch the video but the title made me think. The title actually reminded me of how people say that marijuana is a gateway drug to using heavier, worse drugs. I've never thought to compare Wicca to marijuana. Interesting.

[Echo_of_shadows]

Echo's Lughnasadh
I like calling this sabbat Lughnasadh because Lammas sounds too much like llamas. I guess that this would be a good time of year to start making sweaters.
This year I had the traditional city witch grill bonfire. Actually, this is the first outdoor celebration fire that I've had since the year I was initiated into my old coven.
This was the first time I held a ritual with a non witch present. He didn't know that I was silently praying in my mind, but I'm pretty sure that if I went outside on Mabon and said, "Hey Honey, wanna watch me burn stuff?" he'll come with me.
It was a very simple affair. I acknowledged the current sabbat and the coming dark moon, and asked the Lord & Lady to help me banish all ties to my last relationship. As a gesture to continue the healing process (the last relationship was quite toxic), I burned the "family" photographs the my ex dropped off to me earlier in the day.

Week 2
I decided that I would start reading some of my Wiccan books that I have on my computer in PDF format. I read just a few pages before bed every day. I've started off with the book most familiar to me, "Living Wicca A Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" by Scott Cunningham. I used to own this book at one time, but I like to believe that it moved on to another place that it was needed. I got the chills when I started reading it and I felt like I was reunited with an old friend.
....Unfortunately, this old friend isn't quite the same. This particular downloaded copy is missing a couple pages.
I do believe I've seen more copies out there on the net and I hope that I'll be able to find one in its entirety.

My next project is to keep reminding myself that if I can't say anything nice, I shouldn't say anything at all. No bad mouthing the ex for Echo!

[Echo_of_shadows]

Week 3
This week's Goddess time was inspired by a comment I made to my boyfriend earlier in the week. I told him, "You're not a Sagitarius, you don't understand!"
That stewed in my mind all week. It's not a negative comment, but it makes my ego seem as big as Jupiter.
My first task was to brush up on my knowledge of Capricorns. Then I thought, "Wait a minute, we have different sun & moon signs, but what about the other heavenly bodies?" You see, even though we were born at almost opposite ends of December (my birthday is the 6th, his is the 23rd), we were born in the same year and in the same town. I decided that since I already have a natal chart & its interpretation on our computer, why not have his natal chart as well?

[/color]
*My chart is on the left, his is on the right.
I have this picture of both of our birth charts together, and they do in fact have similar traits. I did have a little trouble comparing the charts to one another because his looks like somebody rotated my chart a bit. The only heavenly bodies that are different in our charts are the Sun, Moon, Mercury and Mars. The other celestial bodies, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto and N. Node are in the same houses for both of us, with only a few degrees difference between in two charts. I found it kind of interesting that I'm the only one with a sign in retrograde (Mercury).
I've also spent a bit of time this week trying to write a new ritual, but that's going as fast as a turtle marathon.
Next on my to do list is to figure out what it means when Mercury is in retrograde and what the N. Node is.

[Echo_of_shadows]

BIG Announcement!: I now have tarot cards!
This is the one magickal items that has been on my wish list for years. It was one of those things that you want but never seem to have the money for. I'm not one of those misinformed people that think "well, this book says I have to own this magickal item in order to be a real witch, so I better find my platinum card." Nope, not in the least. I've just wanted to learn tarot divination. Besides, I wouldn't own a credit card if my life depended on it!
So, what deck did I get? The Anne Stokes Gothic Tarot deck. I was a very prudent consumer with this purchase. I read all the reviews for this deck on Amazon.com (the site I bought it from), plus I Googled Anne Stokes' images. Before this, I was familiar with her work, so I didn't just go into this at random.
*Here are a couple images that are featured in the deck.

Week 4
Goddess time this week has been eclectic. I read a few more pages of "Living Wicca." I found a little information on Mercury in retrograde and the N. Node, but it was simply that: a little information. I honestly don't feel any more informed.
I wrote a new ritual but not the ritual I started last week. The inspiration for the new ritual actually came from the fact that I do have trouble finishing projects that I start.
I've spent the hours since waking today (yesterday for those of technical pickiness ), pondering a dream I had. I've had dreams similar to it before, but this one seems to be sticking in my head. I can't help but wonder if there's any significance to the dream or if my brain is just holding onto it with a bit more force and focus that it does to most of my dreams.
My focus for the coming weeks is to familiarize myself with tarot divination as well as trying to spend a bit more time as Goddess time.
*If you notice any spelling errors in today's posts by me, you have my apologies. It's just a stinky spelling day for me.

[Echo_of_shadows]

I'd like to say: "Good grief! There is a lot of crap out there in the world!"
Totally clean statement made by Echo of Cleanliness.
I know that I could never hope to fix everything wrong in the world, I can at least pray for a difference. Here's some of the stuff that has made my prayer list this week:

*Flint Michigan, my hometown. It seems I was born just in time to see what this town must have been like at its glory. For most of the last 6 years at least, I've watched my beloved home die. No disrespect but this place looks like a parking lot to wait in for the arrival of a shuttle bus to a better town such as Grand Blanc or Frankenmuth. I cry whenever I go through my old neighborhood.
*The people living in Flint, Michigan. Flint is now considered one of the most dangerous places in the United States. I'm either brave or foolish for not fearing living here.
*A homeless man murdered here in Flint, Michigan. I didn't know him or of him until I read about him in the local paper. I'm not sure what touched me about this story but my heart goes out to his family and friends.
*My mom. She gave up living in a nice city to move back to Flint to help her only child get away from a very bad relationship. I know I will still feel indebted for that for quite some time.
*Parents of special needs children. I read an article tonight that told of a family in Canada that received a malicious letter from a neighbor in regards of the family's Autistic son. If I could send all the hate in the world to the letter writer's door, I would. This story is shocking.
*The future. I hope to be a mother some day. The big 3-0 is visible on the horizon, just a little over a year away and my biological clock has made itself known several times since I was eighteen. Education here in the united States seems to be on a drastic decline. The schools here in Flint, Michigan are disappearing as fast as everything else in this dying town. A school district not far from here actually had to dissolve and send children to other districts. The two elementary schools that several members of my family attended are no longer schools. One has been demolished, leaving an entire city block of empty space, and the other offers a few classes for adults. There are just so many terrible things happening in the world today that at times I'm actually afraid to have children.

[Echo_of_shadows]

Week 5
This week, I've spent my Goddess time trying to post more things here in the forum. It's actually hard for me to do so because interaction with other people, whether in person, over the phone or online makes me anxious. Even though I've never been officially diagnosed, I'm pretty sure that I've got some social phobias. There have actually been times that I've wanted to respond to people's posts and I would start typing, then freak out and just erase everything. I hope no one has gotten the impression that I'm cold or anything, I'm just scared.
WOOOOO! There's something I don't readily admit to!
I started some magickal research this week. I was honestly hoping to do the research this week and have a post written up by now, but no such luck. So far, I've pretty much come up empty handed with the initial strategy I had. I don't think I can come up with a hundred percent positive answer, but if I change the direction of my research a bit, I can probably come up with a more likely answer.
I some times post my goal for the week, but I haven't come up with one yet. blue_blank

[Pinkpower_80]

I hope you don't mind that I'm posting on your thread. I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your posts, all of them. Very informative & friendly.
I can relate in the social phobias thing. I've been diagnosed as agoraphobic & it impacts every aspect of my life that I have to interact with others. Even talking on the phone causes me a great deal of fear & anxiety. I rarely leave my home & I'm not part of very many communities online either. I do love this place though. I've felt so welcomed here.
It's ok to be scared & admit it. Just know you're not alone in that feeling.