I figured I should leave a trail for myself as I start this journey. Not that I will ever want to go back to where I started, but more so I can see where I've been. I think the knowlegde will be easier to pass to my daughter (and possible future children) if I can remember how I stumbled across it.
For now I'm simply gathering information, trying to deciper a million different aspects of this way of life. The toughest part of all of this, is my fiance doesn't believe as I do. He doesn't believe in magic or spirits.
I explained to him that this isn't some phase I'm going through. That this will be a way of life, something I teach the kids. He said ok, so i'm hoping that he really does understand. As I get used to things myself, I will do simple things while he is away with the military.
As of right now, I'm only looking into things like healing, cleansing and protection. It seems the best path to start on in a world i know nothing about would be a safe one. One that will teach me what darkness there is and how to protect myself and my family from it. So for now, It's back to studying.
Sonni-Na's Thoughts
My First Spell
I have decided that I'm going to cast my first spell tonight. There was a forgiveness spell posted not to long ago designed to forgive people in your past who have hurt you. And that is going to be the first one I try.
My fiance took me to get my first round of supplies today. I now have some basic things for my alter, though I won't be setting that up just yet. At least not permanatly. I will work on it tonight, then take it down until I have everything I need.
Here's hoping it works!!!
My fiance took me to get my first round of supplies today. I now have some basic things for my alter, though I won't be setting that up just yet. At least not permanatly. I will work on it tonight, then take it down until I have everything I need.
Here's hoping it works!!!
Results of first spell
Well I cast my first spell a couple nights ago. It was the Forgive, Not Forget spell posted on here. I think it actually worked for me too. My heart feels a lot better after putting my daughter's name in the water and letting it wash away. I even tested it by meeting him so he could see her yesterday. I didn't feel anything toward him. No hate. No resentment. I was neutral. And when I left, I didn't feel regret for going.
So now that I have my first spell out of the way, I'm basically diving in this head first! I've started looking up the Sabbats and learning what each one means and how it's celebrated. I had another talk with my fiance yesterday about all of this. Ways that we could tweak traditions so that both his christianity and my Wicca we incorporated into the kids' lives. Samhain and Halloween will be blended so that they still get to trick-or-treat, but they see that I believe the day means something else. And I can't take xmas from them. That was always my fave when I waas growing up because it was the only time I got to see some of my family.
Next weekend, while he's away at drill, I'll be getting things ready for Lammas. I have to make the incense and get things for my alter. I'm really excited about doing my first Sabbat, though I'm kinda bummed that I have to do it alone.
So now that I have my first spell out of the way, I'm basically diving in this head first! I've started looking up the Sabbats and learning what each one means and how it's celebrated. I had another talk with my fiance yesterday about all of this. Ways that we could tweak traditions so that both his christianity and my Wicca we incorporated into the kids' lives. Samhain and Halloween will be blended so that they still get to trick-or-treat, but they see that I believe the day means something else. And I can't take xmas from them. That was always my fave when I waas growing up because it was the only time I got to see some of my family.
Next weekend, while he's away at drill, I'll be getting things ready for Lammas. I have to make the incense and get things for my alter. I'm really excited about doing my first Sabbat, though I'm kinda bummed that I have to do it alone.
A couple days ago my mom, my daughter and I were driving around and I explained to her (while I had her trapped in the car and she couldn't run from me) that I feel wiccan/pagan is the route that I truly feel that I should be on. I knew this wouldn't really be a big deal to her. She believes in spirits as I do and she has made several visits to a Clairvoyant. I told her that I would be celebrating the Sabbats (had to explain what they were heehee) and I would be building a permanant alter.
She surprised me though when she told me she had always felt drawn to it as well and that she would like me to show her what I've learned about it so far. Now I'm thinking that I won't have to do Lammas by myself after all!
Maybe this will be something that becomes a family tradition. I can already feel my daughter sensing things around her so maybe teaching her the basics while she's growing up isn't such a bad idea. She is, of course, free to choose her own path though.
My dad will be a tougher case. Not that he has much say in what I do. It's just that he is very "Jesus is our Savior" and he will most likely try to burn me at the stake . . . However I have never hid anything from my parents in my entire life, so I will make it known to him.
I kind of feel like I'm in school again with the amount of research and reading I've been doing lately. Though I must say that my BOS is coming along nicely. I still need to focus on the gods/goddesses a bit more so I can find one that seems to suit my beliefs. I've always been drawn toward Egyptian mythology so I will probably start there and dig deeper than I ever have before.
I feel a LOT less overwhelmed with the whole thing lately. Maybe it's just my imagination but I seem to be grasping this a lot quicker than I thought I would.
She surprised me though when she told me she had always felt drawn to it as well and that she would like me to show her what I've learned about it so far. Now I'm thinking that I won't have to do Lammas by myself after all!
Maybe this will be something that becomes a family tradition. I can already feel my daughter sensing things around her so maybe teaching her the basics while she's growing up isn't such a bad idea. She is, of course, free to choose her own path though.My dad will be a tougher case. Not that he has much say in what I do. It's just that he is very "Jesus is our Savior" and he will most likely try to burn me at the stake . . . However I have never hid anything from my parents in my entire life, so I will make it known to him.
I kind of feel like I'm in school again with the amount of research and reading I've been doing lately. Though I must say that my BOS is coming along nicely. I still need to focus on the gods/goddesses a bit more so I can find one that seems to suit my beliefs. I've always been drawn toward Egyptian mythology so I will probably start there and dig deeper than I ever have before.
I feel a LOT less overwhelmed with the whole thing lately. Maybe it's just my imagination but I seem to be grasping this a lot quicker than I thought I would.
More Wicca than I thought
Since I've started on this path, reading and studying all I can, I've come tho the conclusion that I should have done this a LONG time ago. That this should have been an overly obvious revelation that this is infact the path I belong on.
I read somewhere that to experience Wicca, and the Goddess, all you have to do is sit outside and feel the wind on ur face, or the flow of a stream, that since the Goddess is the earth, that simply walking through the woods or planting a flower is connecting with her.
I've always been one that you would find outside. I'd go around in my backyard picking dandelions, clovers, grass and other misc things and mix them together in this rock I had found that looked like a bowl. I'd call my concoctions "potions" and they were to make people feel better. There was a time I brought a pretty much dead plant back to life simply by giving it water and begging for someone to help it. I didn't know who I was asking for help since I knew full-well that I didn't believe in the Christian version of God, but I asked nonetheless. (Healing)
I've always been able to feel what others felt and I can tell when someone I'm close to is in danger. I get gut feelings that tell me when something has happened or is about to happen and I've even managed to figure out how to tell who it involves. There was one time driving home from work I was going about 5mph over the speed limit and something inside me told me to slow down. So I dropped my speed to a mile or two under and went on my way. Someone used that gap between my car and the one in front of me to squeeze in. When we got up to the next traffic light, we had the green and just flowed with traffic. When the car in front of me got to the middle of the intersection a car from the crossing street slammed into it at about 40 mph. Everyone in both cars died that day. Had I not slowed down, that would have been me. (Psychic ablilities?)
When I've felt threatened or scared for any reason I used to pretend that there was a forcefield around me that no one could break through. So I'd sit hidden someone and in my mind's eye I had a globe of white light surrounding me. I always felt better and no one ever bothered me while my light was up. (Protection)
I've always sensed spirits and the presence of "others". And according to my mother I've been communicating with them since I was about 2. I've never felt uncomfortable with death or things related and I've never feared my own death. I've always questioned that death was the end. To me it always seemed like a beginning, even though I was taught quite the opposite. (Reincarnation?)
Fate has always been something I questioned as well. While I figure there's some point to our being here, I don't think we have a set path we are to follow. If that were the case why would we be given options in the first place?
Karma has always been something I've believed in rather strongly and it has kept me from seeking revenge. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it, maybe even planned it a time or two . . .but i've never sought it. I could bring myself to cause the pain that I've felt. Someday they will be shown how badly they messed up, just not by me.
Looking back, I also see a lot of Wiccan qualities in my mother. We had an herb garden in our backyard, along with roses, grapes, pine trees, and a vegetable garden. She too believes in spirits and has been to a clairvoyant.
I should have just broke down and checked into it sooner. But I was honestly scared. Scared that I would be shunned from the basic christian people I grew up around. And I didn't want people to fear me when I told them I was Wiccan. I had always felt my step-dad tense up when anyone talked about such things. Which that in itself confuses be because he's Cherokee. Though I don't know what was passed down as far as his heiritage goes.
I read somewhere that to experience Wicca, and the Goddess, all you have to do is sit outside and feel the wind on ur face, or the flow of a stream, that since the Goddess is the earth, that simply walking through the woods or planting a flower is connecting with her.
I've always been one that you would find outside. I'd go around in my backyard picking dandelions, clovers, grass and other misc things and mix them together in this rock I had found that looked like a bowl. I'd call my concoctions "potions" and they were to make people feel better. There was a time I brought a pretty much dead plant back to life simply by giving it water and begging for someone to help it. I didn't know who I was asking for help since I knew full-well that I didn't believe in the Christian version of God, but I asked nonetheless. (Healing)
I've always been able to feel what others felt and I can tell when someone I'm close to is in danger. I get gut feelings that tell me when something has happened or is about to happen and I've even managed to figure out how to tell who it involves. There was one time driving home from work I was going about 5mph over the speed limit and something inside me told me to slow down. So I dropped my speed to a mile or two under and went on my way. Someone used that gap between my car and the one in front of me to squeeze in. When we got up to the next traffic light, we had the green and just flowed with traffic. When the car in front of me got to the middle of the intersection a car from the crossing street slammed into it at about 40 mph. Everyone in both cars died that day. Had I not slowed down, that would have been me. (Psychic ablilities?)
When I've felt threatened or scared for any reason I used to pretend that there was a forcefield around me that no one could break through. So I'd sit hidden someone and in my mind's eye I had a globe of white light surrounding me. I always felt better and no one ever bothered me while my light was up. (Protection)
I've always sensed spirits and the presence of "others". And according to my mother I've been communicating with them since I was about 2. I've never felt uncomfortable with death or things related and I've never feared my own death. I've always questioned that death was the end. To me it always seemed like a beginning, even though I was taught quite the opposite. (Reincarnation?)
Fate has always been something I questioned as well. While I figure there's some point to our being here, I don't think we have a set path we are to follow. If that were the case why would we be given options in the first place?
Karma has always been something I've believed in rather strongly and it has kept me from seeking revenge. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it, maybe even planned it a time or two . . .but i've never sought it. I could bring myself to cause the pain that I've felt. Someday they will be shown how badly they messed up, just not by me.
Looking back, I also see a lot of Wiccan qualities in my mother. We had an herb garden in our backyard, along with roses, grapes, pine trees, and a vegetable garden. She too believes in spirits and has been to a clairvoyant.
I should have just broke down and checked into it sooner. But I was honestly scared. Scared that I would be shunned from the basic christian people I grew up around. And I didn't want people to fear me when I told them I was Wiccan. I had always felt my step-dad tense up when anyone talked about such things. Which that in itself confuses be because he's Cherokee. Though I don't know what was passed down as far as his heiritage goes.