being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship and wanting to protect my toddler, I am too beaten down emotionally to come up with the strength to leave.
I am getting help from psychologist with trying to build myself back up, but I think I know the decision I have to make, I just can't take that step.
I don't want to hurt anyone, or for anyone to suffer, but some days I just wish he wouldn't come home. No idea what sense that makes, since I wish him no ill, but it's driving me insane and I do not want to leave my child parentless if I am emotionally unable to be there.
There is a sense of urgency to this, as I am deteriorating quickly and I want us all to be ok, but I just know together won't work.
How do I grow myself back to the person I was 10 years ago and be self sufficient and not such a pathetic person.
strength or help to be free
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Symandinome
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Re: strength or help to be free
the first thing you need to do is stop putting yourself down. People make mistakes and sometimes they take us down a path we dont want to be on once we are there. You have already acknowledged that somewhere down the line something went wrong and thats great. Acknowledging a problem is the first step to solving it. I know its hard to not beat yourself up over things sometimes. I am my own worst enemy. Try to think about the times when you felt better and more empowered and sure of yourself as a person. Remember how that person used to be. The things you did. The way you felt and why you felt it. What things were going right in your world at that time that alllowed for you be that strong empowered person that you are longing to be once again.
Why dont you try making a list but a short one to start. Find one thing in particular that you dont like about yourself right now but then also find 2 things about yourself that you do. Try to think about the one thing that you listed that you want to change and come up with ideas on how you can improve it. Keep working at just that one thing in particular and solve that problem first. Then you can make another list of a thing you want to change and 2 more different things that you do like about yourself.
Its easy to become ovewhelmed with all the negative and it makes it hard for us to tackle the problem. We have to step back and take a deep breath and say Ok I may not feel like the person I once was but I know I'm still in there somewhere. I am going to take this one step and one problem at a time and I AM GOING TO PICK MYSELF BACK UP!
Tell yourself nice things when you look at yourself in the mirror when you wake up and when you go to bed. Positive affirmations really do work! Trust yourself you can overcome any obstacle. I believe in you!
Why dont you try making a list but a short one to start. Find one thing in particular that you dont like about yourself right now but then also find 2 things about yourself that you do. Try to think about the one thing that you listed that you want to change and come up with ideas on how you can improve it. Keep working at just that one thing in particular and solve that problem first. Then you can make another list of a thing you want to change and 2 more different things that you do like about yourself.
Its easy to become ovewhelmed with all the negative and it makes it hard for us to tackle the problem. We have to step back and take a deep breath and say Ok I may not feel like the person I once was but I know I'm still in there somewhere. I am going to take this one step and one problem at a time and I AM GOING TO PICK MYSELF BACK UP!
Tell yourself nice things when you look at yourself in the mirror when you wake up and when you go to bed. Positive affirmations really do work! Trust yourself you can overcome any obstacle. I believe in you!
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AutumnMaidens
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- Location: The Netherlands
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Re: strength or help to be free
On the note of positive affirmation...
Make a list of 20 good things about you, write them like: "I am ..." and another 20 with bad things about you. Than look at the 20 bad things and turn them into positive things. For instance. "I am paranoid." becomes "I am careful/protective"
Working out and training works really well, if you push your body physically and see how much it can take you will feel stronger yourself. Not only that but the endorphines it will release into your system will make you feel happier.
Brightest Blessings to you
You have the strength to get through this.
Make a list of 20 good things about you, write them like: "I am ..." and another 20 with bad things about you. Than look at the 20 bad things and turn them into positive things. For instance. "I am paranoid." becomes "I am careful/protective"
Working out and training works really well, if you push your body physically and see how much it can take you will feel stronger yourself. Not only that but the endorphines it will release into your system will make you feel happier.
Brightest Blessings to you
You have the strength to get through this.
"If you take a copy of the Christian Bible and put it out in the wind and the rain,
soon the paper on which the words are printed will disintegrate and the words will be gone.
Our bible IS the wind and the rain."
soon the paper on which the words are printed will disintegrate and the words will be gone.
Our bible IS the wind and the rain."
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eroded
Re: strength or help to be free
thank you
i will try both
at this stage I am willing to try anything, being trapped with a narcissistic bully is scary and it all keeps getting twisted around to being my fault, and it happened again last night.
apparently it is not wrong for him to have expectations of all his needs being met, and I should get over the lying, cheating, broken promises and compromises I have made.....
sigh, it's one of those situations where you wish the decision could be taken away from you because either way you go you are damned.
i will try both
at this stage I am willing to try anything, being trapped with a narcissistic bully is scary and it all keeps getting twisted around to being my fault, and it happened again last night.
apparently it is not wrong for him to have expectations of all his needs being met, and I should get over the lying, cheating, broken promises and compromises I have made.....
sigh, it's one of those situations where you wish the decision could be taken away from you because either way you go you are damned.
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Symandinome
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Re: strength or help to be free
then you need to decide which is the worse of the two evils
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eroded
Re: strength or help to be free
either way people get hurt
what I lack is the courage and strength to stand up and walk away, knowing it will break my toddlers heart
i never used to be a coward, but I am not capable of making this decision and in the process of I am being mentally tortured and coerced into doing and being something I am not.
what I lack is the courage and strength to stand up and walk away, knowing it will break my toddlers heart
i never used to be a coward, but I am not capable of making this decision and in the process of I am being mentally tortured and coerced into doing and being something I am not.
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Symandinome
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Re: strength or help to be free
To me the answer seems clear. I would leave. I understand your reservations about leaving because of the child but children are quite resilient. Imagine what it must be like for him watching all of this. I am sure the child would be a little sad and confused as to what is going on if you leave but the child will be fine. There are plenty of single parents in the world whose children grow up just fine and well adjusted. Don't use your child as an exscuse to not do what you know needs to be done. You have to be brave not only for yourself but also for the child. YOU ARE STRONG!
(AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION. I AM NOT A LICENSED SOCIAL WORKER OR PSYCHOLOGIST AND YOU SHOULD DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOURSELF. I AM ONLY OFFERING MY OPINION AS TO HOW I WOULD HANDLE THE SITUATION BASED UPON THE INFORMATION YOU PRESENTED)
(AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION. I AM NOT A LICENSED SOCIAL WORKER OR PSYCHOLOGIST AND YOU SHOULD DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOURSELF. I AM ONLY OFFERING MY OPINION AS TO HOW I WOULD HANDLE THE SITUATION BASED UPON THE INFORMATION YOU PRESENTED)
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Symandinome
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Re: strength or help to be free
no problem good luck to you
Re: strength or help to be free
Ok I have been avoiding replying because I can be blunt in these situations but I'm gonna say it because you have a kid and you need to be a mother or get the kid out so he/she is not exposed to this. There are agencies that will help you leave. They will provide counseling for you and your child. They have women who have been through this who can help you. I have no idea what sex your child is but if you stay it will learn to either be a bully and treat women that way or be a victim and take what your taking. That is what is heartbreaking. Your interest in magic should be because you want to learn not to help with this. This you have to do on your own.
I am not trying to be cruel. I was beaten on a regular basis by my mother as a child. It screws a kid up. Watching is no different the same lesson is learned. Do the right thing by your kid. Please.
I am not trying to be cruel. I was beaten on a regular basis by my mother as a child. It screws a kid up. Watching is no different the same lesson is learned. Do the right thing by your kid. Please.
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eroded
Re: strength or help to be free
thank you for your forthright response.
I now realise this may be the wrong place for me to help search for answers &/or guidance
I now realise this may be the wrong place for me to help search for answers &/or guidance
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Symandinome
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- Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands
Re: strength or help to be free
you are just as welcome here as any one else. When you place a question like that up on a forum your bound to get a response whether you like them or not. Please dont be detered from coming here over a persons blunt opinion. I know Ula and as harsh as the words sounded I'm sure she meant them as tough loves Ula is a very sweet person
Re: strength or help to be free
eroded wrote:thank you for your forthright response.
I now realise this may be the wrong place for me to help search for answers &/or guidance
No it's not wrong. If you like it here or are getting what you need here stay. I just think you need to also look at places in your area that can help you.
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roseonfire
- Posts: 166
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Re: strength or help to be free
Ula is very right. Being in this situation, even if only watching, can be very damaging for a small child mentally and psychologically. I would follow Symandinome's advice about the affirmations, as well as, if you feel it appropriate, working with the waning moon to sever the relationship and make it easier to leave.
The Goddess is like the moon itself, guiding us in our darkest moments.
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monkey babe
Re: strength or help to be free
I don't now if your still in the relationship or not, but here's a spell to stop someone coming near you with out harm to you or the other person. Write there name down on a piece of paper then wrap it in a plastic bag, go feel a glass of water. Put the piece of paper in the water, but way you do it you must think about the person not coming near you. After that place it in the freezer, and keep thing the same things. And soon the person will leave you alone.