strength or help to be free

[eroded]

Thanks Monkey Babe, however I am sure if he found his name in the freezer then all hell would break lose.
I am still in this relationship, I am somewhat trapped by circumstance and cannot just up and leave as easily as would be preferable.
My child (3) is ill and I am exhausted from trying to protect both of us from the negativity that is around, so I am running on empty almost. I am seeking help for my mental health, but it is a slow work as this has been now going on for some years.
The levels of deception and emotional abuse are not something I am familiar with, and have nobody that would believe such an 'upstanding' person would be like this.

THESE are some of the reasons I am seeking help in some unusual places, even I think I am being ridiculous and am wondering if he hasn't finally won and I have lost my mind. Desperate people look in out of character places for help.

[roseonfire]

If you are looking for help, he hasn't won. If he had, you would believe he had the best offer you could get and wouldn't even talk about it for your ego's fear and heart's fear that you would find differently. He hasn't yet won. Remember that, don't give up. Both for you, and your child.

Love and light,
roseonfire

[eroded]

thank you

[Luna_Lobo]

Take it from me as u see in my post on abuse. I went to hell and back many times. If he hits u and leaves a mark call the police and they will file the papers u dont have to. Thats what they told me it was visual abuse and they help me. If u dont want him to see u do a spell just pray to ur god/dess and tell them what ur wish is and light a candle if he ask wat da candle for just say its to make the room smell good. I did it when my beat me up to. I hve a 3yr old and she hates the man now she tell me he bad man. He went to jail and 3 mths later he was deported. U can get a restrant order on him if he gets out of jail. Believe me it gets better.

[eroded]

thank you Luna_Lobo for sharing, you must be a very strong woman.
Unfortunately there is no visual abuse, it's emotional and psychological. Nobody can see what isn't visible. Not to mention a whole lot of other factors. Like water torture, slowly stripping away every ounce of confidence to the point I only take my child to kindy school and virtually go nowhere else.
I guess I started becoming interested in this all too late, like I said being desperate and all I thought I could protect us somehow and be free but at the same time not be desolate.
I was naive about it all and .... well I'll just have to see where I land, I shouldn't have been so silly as to think I could find a 5min cure.

[roseonfire]

Of course it won't be a 5min cure, but if you remember that you need to do it not just for yourself, but your child as well, then you will always have the strength inside you, you just have to see it and use it. I believe in you.

Love and light,
roseonfire

[AzaleaMoon]

Eroded,
Sorry this is a month late but I just found this web site. You might want to find someone local and have them do a Soul Retrieval. Sometimes in certain situations, such as severe trauma, Domestiv violence etc. Your soul or spirit can become weak and disoriented or stays at the site of the trauma, it can also stay with an individual that you really loved. But a soul retrieval should help retrieve it.
Good Luck, I was in a DV situation, and I know it is really difficult to get out of, but you deserve better as does your child. Your child deserves you as a whole strong nurturing individual.
Blessings
AzaleaMoon

[eroded]

Thank you AzaleaMoon, I appreciate your comments. I wouldn't know where to look for any assistance, I am not sure that here in Australia this type of thing is as common.
I just removed myself from the situation for 2 weeks and stayed with my parents, apart from being over-parented, lol, I felt like a different person. I have been back 5 days and the stress and tension have invaded me again and the life is being sucked out of me. He seems to have the power to negate me so easily. Yet at the time knows how to keep me dependent.
I do not wish to put myself in the same basket as honest victims of DV, that is so severe, but this is more like mind games and power over me and me being to blame that life hasn't gone according to his 'plan'. I am the 2nd wife and not part of the 'plan'.
This really isn't the place for answers I know that now. But I enjoy reading things. Lord, if was as simple as a spell to keep him o/seas when he travels on an adventure next month, nobody would have any problems.
I get a little peace. I have reconnected in part with a girl I grew up with who is a pastor at a church and even that has come to nothing, I always find people in America, lol. When all I want is the physical strength of a hug and some comfort.

I will keep up my search.

[Symandinome]

If you are looking for other pagans in your immediate area you can go to www.witchvox.com it is a free pagan networking site and it is a global site its not just for people in America.

[Zili]

Take your child with you to your parents and file for divorce. Obviously your parents are willing to let you stay with them why not go that route? Your child wont get any better living in a place full of such negativity surrounding the people he's supposed to look to for comfort.

[Ula]

Take your child with you to your parents and file for divorce. Obviously your parents are willing to let you stay with them why not go that route? Your child wont get any better living in a place full of such negativity surrounding the people he's supposed to look to for comfort.

Especially if he will be gone a for a bit. You can get the house empty and get the legal ball rolling.

[AzaleaMoon]

you can do your own "cleansing" and I would suggest you do one your child (even though they don's suffer the emotional abuse) they can pick up the negative energy from you. This is considered "light work"
You will need a 7 day candle (earth) (air) (fire) (akash or spirit)
1 egg (earth)
1 glass jar with water 4 fingers worth (water)
fresh flowers (earth)
copal or dragon's blood (air)

All you do is light a 7 day candle and say a prayer or a simple affirmation "higher power protect me from all evil entities of all forms physical, mental, spiritual"
light your incence or copal or dragons blood
get an egg (left at room tempurature) and run it along your body (don't sk why an egg that is just how I learned but it works) chanting "higher power protect me and free me from all evil entities of all forms physical, mental, spiritual" So mote it be!
break the egg into the glass with water (you will notice a white opaque color to the egg white sometimes the egg will look cooked)
get your fresh cut flowers and run them along your body this will ground you
once done take the egg and dump it in a hole and bury it outside. if you can't just flush it down the toilet.
wash your hands well after.

[Starwitch]

I think it's great that the members here could offer you advice and encouragment.

Another good place to find help and support is going to be a website/forum that is specifically about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The website http://www.narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.org says that Narcissism is the hardest type of personality to deal with. There are some very good books written on the topic of Narcissistic behavior and abuse. There is a list of books on narcissism here. They have a heading for books on Narcissistic relationships.

I really think it will help you a lot to hear other peoples' stories and to know that your partner's behavior is not something you're imagining. It can feel that way because narcissistic people are usually highly intelligent and they are able to use that intelligence to manipulate people. I know I do that with Ron a lot. He believes everything I say because it all makes perfect sense. He has a hard time seeing that I could be telling him those things to benefit ME instead of him, like pointing out that the girl he went out with was so young that people would snicker about him behind his back and call him a pedophile, or telling him that she was using him and was a gold-digger, etc. All those things were true, of course, but I said them because I wanted him to ditch her. It's easy to manipulate people when the truth is on your side. The more intelligent you are, the easier it is to find "truths" that benefit yourself.

I hope you'll read a book about this disorder and maybe join a forum that's targeted specifically towards people like you. You'll find much more support there. You are also welcome to return here anytime if you would like more spells and rituals to use or just people to talk to about it. I do think spells can be helpful in a situation like yours. If nothing else, it will give you strength and hope that things are changing. Hope goes a long way when you're trying to leave a relationship. I know how easy it is to get stuck in a rut with someone, especially if that person is paying the bills and making you feel like you can't survive on your own without him. He may point out to you how terrible the economy is and how everyone is out of work, etc. He may mention it in an off-hand way, not like he's directing it at you, but he knows you're taking it all in. However he's manipulating you, it's imperative that you get away from him, not only for your own sake but for your child's sake. If he is draining you of all your energy then you won't have anything left to give to your child, which will cause a type of emotional neglect.

I'll tell you a (funny, if it weren't so pathetic) story of one of the many ways that my narcissitic brother manipulated his wife. He's a great deal smarter than she is, even though they both have Master's degrees. My brother showed his wife this page (actually it was another one like it that looked like a CNN or MSNBC news report). It looks like a news report confirming that scientists have proven that ingesting semen prevents breast cancer in women. She actually believed this to be true and then one night while my mom, dad, and everyone else was over there for dinner, she brought it up at the dinner table and told us all the great news, that drinking --- prevents breast cancer. I couldn't believe how utterly gullible she was and I felt bad for her so I told her the truth. I was pissed off that my brother would manipulate her that way. My brother just sat there grinning. He had no concerns about how stupid she looked in front of her in-laws. All he cared about was that he was getting what he wanted sexually. I can remember her asking me about that same sex act 10 years previous to this incident. She wanted to know if I had done it and how awful it was because my brother was trying to bully her into doing it for him and she was grossed out by it. He finally found a way to trick her into doing it, but I put an end to that by telling her the truth, that the article was a hoax. She's just too simple-minded and gullible to be married to someone who is so smart and manipulative. He's ruining her but she never sees it. I have a feeling you're probably in the same situation. I recommend that in the future you get with partners who aren't a lot smarter than you. You probably have Dependent Personality Disorder so Narcissists and other control-freaks will be drawn to you. You have to learn how to avoid them if you ever want to be happy. Reading a book or website on the subject will go a long way towards achieving that goal.

You said you had overprotective parents. My sister-in-law had extremely overprotective parents too. And she ended up being dependent on a Narcissist, just like you did. So I can see how living with your parents again is probably not going to help you much. They probably treat you very similarly to the way your partner treats you. Have you considered trying to get a government subsidized apartment for you and your child? They are usually in bad neighborhoods, but not always (in the U.S.) Sometimes there are programs where regular apartment buildings will take vouchers from the government and you only have to pay a little bit towards rent. My friend had a three-bedroom apartment (in a nice gated apt complex with a pool) with washer/dryer for only $8 a month. I don't know if Australia has that option or not, but it's worth looking into.

Sorry this is so long. Best wishes to you.

[eroded]

wow, thank you for all that.
I do believe he is somewhat a narcissist. And yes he is an intelligent person, but then so am I. I have for some reason, allowed myself to be , as my name suggests, eroded, over the lat 8 years. I am well educated and up until having my child almost 4 years ago have worked successfully for over 20 years.
My psychologist has noted that he has managed to bring me down to such a low that I no longer believe I have the ability to do anything, and yes his subtle comments about economy, being alone, losing everything.... I absorb it all and it causes yet more angst.
Yet with my first husband, I was the confident, outgoing, independent and 'alive' person I am not anymore.
Unfortunately I would not qualify for any subsidies and they are not readily available here. He would pay child support, but that would barely cover her nursery school fees.

Anyway, thank you again for your reply, I appreciate the time you took.

[AzaleaMoon]

Money will come to you (do a money spell) If you allow yourself you will do fine. It's the Psychological mind that wants for a Parnter. but you will be better off as will your daughter. Hopefyully you will find a partner that will be worthy of you.l
Good luck and many blessings.