Previous religious vows

[moonlightsonata]

“Somewhere, deep in your memory, you know the ancient ways. This is why you find yourself drawn by a deep-seated urge. An urge so powerful that you don’t even question it or fight it. You long for it.”

That quote resonates with me so much. I, even in my happiest times as a Catholic, continued to feel times of being drawn back to Wicca. Drawn back, pulled back, hunger, thirst…these somewhat approach the reality. The only way I could have any peace with it when I was a Christian was to avoid anything that could remind me of it. Even the moon or a pentacle could trigger it. Every year Halloween did. The smell of incense. And so on.

And yet I also worry. I watched a video on knowing if The Morrigan is calling you. One thing that the woman in the video mentioned was that you can’t pick up and drop Her, that it’s disrespectful. She also mentioned how it’s dishonorable to look at Her (as a matron) if you’re already dedicated to another Goddess. And that gets me thinking; isn’t that exactly what I’m doing? I’m picking up and dropping Jesus and Mary, I’m vowed to them (I was a secular Carmelite, which is a vow) and yet I’m looking at other deities. Does that make me dishonorable? Am I wrong to be going down this path when I gave my word promising myself to another?

But I can't picture NOT following this path. But there was a time I would have said that about Catholicism too. If I went back, and I pushed through, would I eventually find myself happy as a Catholic? My feelings were very different then what they are now as a Pagan but I wouldn't have stayed 16 years in a religion I felt no happiness in at all. It's just so different.
I have just always placed great importance on truth, on keeping my word, on being honest. And now I slightly feel like I'm being dishonest by going down another path.

[SnowCat]

Your path can change. You're the only one who can really decide if that's what you're facing. Maybe you need to ask for a formal release from your vows. Not so much from the church, but from yourself.

Snow

[SpiritTalker]

Sometimes the only honorable thing is to follow the path the heart is drawn to, even when that weaves a crazy quilt, wild route. It seems to me that we take with us those who are part of our soul experience and thus we are never parted. An occult path "adds on" awareness and does not negate what came before. Middle path is neither left or right.

In my experience, most Catholic secular & dedicated vows are for a limited time period, 1-3 years, with option of renewal or a permanent re-upping. One can apply for and will receive release from even permanent vows, which in no way suggests rejection, only a decision to return to a secular lifestyle.

[Xiao Rong]

Funny, I was just reading a chapter about letting go of the "wicked vows" that we never should have made, in the book, The Twelve Wild Swans, by Starhawk and Hilary Valentine. The phrase comes from the story of the twelve wild swans, who were princes that were exiled after their little sister was born. The little sister eventually goes searching for her missing brothers whom she's never met, and after a long search she finds them in the woods, living together. Her brothers are overjoyed to meet her, but then realize with horror that they had once made a vow to kill the first girl they met, since it was because of a girl that they had been cast out -- not knowing that their sister was fated to be the one to find them. A mysterious old woman in the woods admonishes them that it was a "wicked vow" that they never should have made, and the brothers realize there is nothing holding them back from breaking this useless promise and accepting their sister. (The story continues after that, but this is the germane part of the conversation!)

Not all of the vows that we made are "wicked", per se, but we may have found that we have images and duties that we have held on even after they have stopped serving us. It doesn't seem like you are doing yourself or Jesus and Mary any good by holding onto a vow that you don't really keep anyways. Seems to me like the most gracious thing to do is to do some kind of ceremony or ritual to tell Jesus and Mary that you are on a different path and thanks for what you've learned from them. I agree we shouldn't take commitments or vows lightly, but it also only seems responsible to inform someone that you no longer have the ability to fulfill your promise.

[planewalker]

You worry about your honor. You think that breaking a vow is somehow a lie. I have lived by honor and truth, of fighting for what I believe in my whole life. You are not being false if you have changed. The only honor you would be breaking would be the duty to be honest with yourself. We only see the deities, or deity, or what powers there are in the multiverse through the fragile and limited understanding that we have at this moment. It would be dishonorable not to use the chance to grow, to expand your knowledge and understanding.

I think if an omnipotent being wanted a follower to go blindly after the same thing, to be limited in actions you can take, then that's the way you would have been made. Honor the way you were created. Don't blindly follow what others have set down in stone as the way. Use it, just as you should use what I'm writing you now. Consider it. Is it valid and helpful to your well being and growth as an individual? If it is, then use it. If at a later time, it no longer helps you, set it aside. It doesn't mean it wasn't helpful.

It doesn't mean you can't hold the knowledge and help it gave you dear. It means you used it to the best of your abilities and became a better, happy you that can be there all the more for the people in your life. The people you touch. Your children, your friends, the people that may come casually into and out of your life, that you don't even know how much you've helped in some important way. I think you will honor your commitment to a way of life that is first and foremost honest while keeping your honor about the things that went before.

[moonlightsonata]

Your path can change. You're the only one who can really decide if that's what you're facing. Maybe you need to ask for a formal release from your vows. Not so much from the church, but from yourself.

I hadn't thought of that. Technically, too, I could ask for a formal release from my vows, but I'd be unlikely to get it for the reason of going to a different religion. But from myself; that's interesting.

[moonlightsonata]

Not all of the vows that we made are "wicked", per se, but we may have found that we have images and duties that we have held on even after they have stopped serving us. It doesn't seem like you are doing yourself or Jesus and Mary any good by holding onto a vow that you don't really keep anyways. Seems to me like the most gracious thing to do is to do some kind of ceremony or ritual to tell Jesus and Mary that you are on a different path and thanks for what you've learned from them. I agree we shouldn't take commitments or vows lightly, but it also only seems responsible to inform someone that you no longer have the ability to fulfill yourI promise.

I like that story. And I like the idea of doing some sort of ritual. I've kind of done one, but not referring specifically to my tertiary vows.

[WildFlower93]

In my experience even though I made the vows to Jesus when I was three years old because my mum encouraged me to (it was by free will, I remember it clearly, she wasn't pushy), well Jesus has never disappeared since then. Even when I denounced Christianity he still wants me to work with him. So I'm trying to integrate him back into my practice even though I'm not a Christian anymore.

[Hawk]

In my experience even though I made the vows to Jesus when I was three years old because my mum encouraged me to (it was by free will, I remember it clearly, she wasn't pushy), well Jesus has never disappeared since then. Even when I denounced Christianity he still wants me to work with him. So I'm trying to integrate him back into my practice even though I'm not a Christian anymore.

WildFlower, I'm curious- if you're not a Christian anymore, in what ways will you integrate Jesus into your practice? (Note, I don't mean this to sound scornful! I find it very hard to write any form of the sentence "how are you going to do that?" without it sounding sarcastic).

[WildFlower93]

Hi Hawk, thanks for the question I am trying to honour him as one of many gods rather than just the only god as in Christianity. When I'm with my Christian family I will honour him, and in my personal time with him I am going to take a more Esoteric/Gnostic approach. I don't think he will mind! But I'll invoke him on his own not with any other non-Christian deities. Sometimes I pray to Mary too when I want that Christian-feminine connection.

[Hawk]

Ah, okay! That's interesting. I appreciate you taking the time to explain, thanks!

[SnowCat]

I know that Christianity teaches monotheism, and moving away from that concept can feel like a betrayal of everything you were raised with. I went through that in my early teens. But answering a calling isn't a betrayal of the past, if it enriches you spiritually. I still consider the Nazarene as a mentor and teacher. I just don't confine myself to what the Catholic Church says.

Snow

[planewalker]

Please don't take this the wrong way. I was baptized and confirmed { the Protestant version }. I just have an irreverent way of writing or of looking at the world. I don't know how Christianity can call itself monotheistic. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, I know, it's really one but we see it as three. Pick one. For the Catholic church, add Mary and the Saints. Sorry guys, mono means one. I don't know who your trying to convince. It seems like your trying to convince yourselves. Add the ritual cannibalism of communion { it's either changed to body and bl00d or it isn't }. And no, your communion has little to do with what Christ did at the last supper.

Personally I think Jesus would say "I gave you a perfectly good religion and look what you did with it." I've read the Bible twice. You can call it Christianity but what does that have to do with what Christ taught? You can honor Jesus as a great thinker, teacher, healer and superior being. You can think independently. Don't just do what the people of the church tell you. Most of them haven't read the Bible. They have read books on accounting and psychology. They know how to scare you into the service and how to count your money afterwards.

[RosieMoonflower]

In my experience even though I made the vows to Jesus when I was three years old because my mum encouraged me to (it was by free will, I remember it clearly, she wasn't pushy), well Jesus has never disappeared since then. Even when I denounced Christianity he still wants me to work with him. So I'm trying to integrate him back into my practice even though I'm not a Christian anymore.

Same for me. I was baptized and that was a ritual. And, it was my choice. And, I believe that's why Jesus has never left, even when I had fallen out with the church. And, I've been pleasantly pleased with asking Jesus how he feels about me exploring other religions and ideas and incorporating them into my own practices. I pray to Jesus for protection and for comfort mostly, but I also burn sage and read tarot cards.

[StarryWater]

As I have realised in my personal case, vows are at two levels. Vows at mind level and vows at heart level. The higher being sees the heart. Humans do not easily see their own heart.

Vows at mind level are a struggle to keep. Vows at heart level remain whatever you do, waiting for you to realise and become from everything else.

(I guess change at heart level can only occur if you are fully at heart level, but then you will probably not want to change)