Darkness of the human soul

[SnowCat]

I think the dark and the light are intrinsic parts of each of us as a whole. I prefer that my dark side stay subdued, but I wouldn't know my light side without it.

Snow

[smogie_michele]

I've been physically and emotionally drained lately, so I haven't been around the forum as much as I'd like and ended up missing out on this interesting topic.

My darkness is definitely my depression- but in a way it is also my superpower. I know I struggle to keep it at bay, but because of it I am incredibly empathetic.

[Wolf]

Darkness and Light exist inside everyone. Some of us cope better with it by seeing it as its own entity, and in some ways that could help someone learn how to keep them in balance. Darkness is stronger in some, weaker in others, and comes in many forms and mingles into shades of grey.

If we are going for complete honesty, my Darkness is quite a bitter spiteful and violent part of myself. When I was younger it would be the dominating force in my life. I never manipulated anyone, or tried to hurt their feelings. It would be nothing however for me to decide to knock the holy hell out of someone who rubbed me the wrong way. And my thoughts were even blacker than my actions.

And if you want the truth, they still are to this day. Though a combo of getting older and getting wiser has subdued my actions quite a bit. But its still there, still staring out of the abyss waiting for its chance. And when I can, I let it out to play.

But why?

Because it is still a part of you. No matter what your darkness is, what form your inner monster takes, it is still part of you and you have to learn to live with it. Don't let it control you, but don't try to lock it away and forget about it. That makes it angry, and when it finally rattles that cage enough to break free, it will be far too late to control it then. So let it out to play sometimes. Feed it, nurture it, but let it know you are the one in control.

If you are like me and your monster is anger and violence, channel it into something productive, or at least safe. Save your anger for righteous fury to motivate you to stand up for what you believe.

It is depression, nurture it, care for it with kid gloves and remind yourself its okay to be sad sometimes and just curl up on the couch with a blanket and some coffee to watch bad tv for a bit, as long as you remind yourself that you still have to get up and keep living.


Those are just two examples. But as I have quoted on here before , "Monsters we are, lest monsters we become."

[Newbiewitch94]

The darkness inside me I embrace and balance with my light. I'll admit I do allow it to take over at times but to me it's just another source of power and in some ways darkness is a better teacher than light.

[Ashrend]

I've been physically and emotionally drained lately, so I haven't been around the forum as much as I'd like and ended up missing out on this interesting topic.

My darkness is definitely my depression- but in a way it is also my superpower. I know I struggle to keep it at bay, but because of it I am incredibly empathetic.

can relate to a massive degree, my depression is playing up a lot lately and is definably atleast part of the darkness in me

[MsMollimizz]

To paraphrase Jung, my goal is not to be good, but to become whole.

I am generally an even-tempered person, easy to get along with, has big shoulders...etc.
We are all dark and light, Yin/Yang, good and bad...
We cannot have one without the other or how would we ever know one or the other ?
I too claim to be gray. I cannot be light without dark...
My darker side is anger, which also has to be let out now and then to purge the soul
of negativity building up. Worst thing in the world is to tell me to "get over it" ! I'll
get madder, "leave me alone and let me cool off" humph !
I also agree that "an it harm none" no matter what we do it will affect someone somewhere.
We all get mad at people, things, whatever; we spout off sometimes saying things we wished
we hadn't. That is the darker side wanting to take over, but I have to pull on the reins
and slow it down. Word can fall from my mouth before thinking about what I'm going to say.
Anger is something we have to incorporate it into ourselves and use it wisely. Hopefully !
As much as I'd like to stay and talk with you all, I must grind up the yucca root to dry
for my liniment before I loose it...Good-night Gentle People !
"May joy find the darkest areas of your heart, and you find your smile !"
Gentle Light
MsMollimizz

[moonraingirl]

I love peace and calmness and good manners. I've always wanted to live in such environment. I'm willing and able to be extremely patient and understanding with people who need help or encouragement. I don't get impatient with the elderly or mentally disabled that I have to serve every day ( Eg. my supplier told me that he couldn't stand it when he once saw how slow one old gentleman was. I was totally fine with that and wasn't nervous at all)

Until I was about 17-18 I would almost pee from fear when someone simply looked at me in a bad way. I was so ashamed of myself that I was so bad and inadequate to cause someone trouble or made them feel bad.

However, since then I've became very sensitive to evil, negativity and bad manners in a neurotic way. When I sense someone with a bad intention or simply rude, without basic manners and decency, even if it's just something very minor and unimportant, I get very angry and overreact. It's a type of self defense, to get more aggressive than the other person. I sometimes start shaking and become sarcastic and raise my voice immediately. It's like I absorb the negative vibration and amplify it several times.

I realise it would often be more effective to stay calm but it gets out of control.

I need to work on managing this.

[Newbiewitch94]

I love peace and calmness and good manners. I've always wanted to live in such environment. I'm willing and able to be extremely patient and understanding with people who need help or encouragement. I don't get impatient with the elderly or mentally disabled that I have to serve every day ( Eg. my supplier told me that he couldn't stand it when he once saw how slow one old gentleman was. I was totally fine with that and wasn't nervous at all)

Until I was about 17-18 I would almost pee from fear when someone simply looked at me in a bad way. I was so ashamed of myself that I was so bad and inadequate to cause someone trouble or made them feel bad.

However, since then I've became very sensitive to evil, negativity and bad manners in a neurotic way. When I sense someone with a bad intention or simply rude, without basic manners and decency, even if it's just something very minor and unimportant, I get very angry and overreact. It's a type of self defense, to get more aggressive than the other person. I sometimes start shaking and become sarcastic and raise my voice immediately. It's like I absorb the negative vibration and amplify it several times.

I realise it would often be more effective to stay calm but it gets out of control.

I need to work on managing this.

You will find a way to control it. Remember anger do sent necessarily have to be hurtful and destructive.

[moonraingirl]

I love peace and calmness and good manners. I've always wanted to live in such environment. I'm willing and able to be extremely patient and understanding with people who need help or encouragement. I don't get impatient with the elderly or mentally disabled that I have to serve every day ( Eg. my supplier told me that he couldn't stand it when he once saw how slow one old gentleman was. I was totally fine with that and wasn't nervous at all)

Until I was about 17-18 I would almost pee from fear when someone simply looked at me in a bad way. I was so ashamed of myself that I was so bad and inadequate to cause someone trouble or made them feel bad.

However, since then I've became very sensitive to evil, negativity and bad manners in a neurotic way. When I sense someone with a bad intention or simply rude, without basic manners and decency, even if it's just something very minor and unimportant, I get very angry and overreact. It's a type of self defense, to get more aggressive than the other person. I sometimes start shaking and become sarcastic and raise my voice immediately. It's like I absorb the negative vibration and amplify it several times.

I realise it would often be more effective to stay calm but it gets out of control.

I need to work on managing this.

You will find a way to control it. Remember anger do sent necessarily have to be hurtful and destructive.

Yes, that's true. I think I'm going from one extreme to another. I didn't have a very nice childhood and was bullied and grew up in insecure circumstances. I had no self esteem or assertiveness at all. As I grew up I became a bit more confident and now it looks like I'm compensating for everything from my childhood. It's not that I explode daily or even weekly because fortunately most people are nice- I usually meet more than 100 people a day at work. But it does happen from time to time and I'm always ashamed of it later. It happened yesterday because someone wanted to cheat me for money. That's why I felt an urge to write here.

[nightshroud]

I still feel hatred for my mother and stepdad.

that's my darkness.

[planewalker]

It's all in the unity of three. The old "Two sides of a coin, light and dark, plus or minus..." I've never seen a two sided coin. Place a coin on a table and heads or tails will show. Turn it to get the other face. But what was there always? Look along the table top. The width is always in sight. That's where I live. I consider myself to be an emissary of the light into the darkness. I don't hate or fear the darkness for it defines me. It gives me purpose. It is part of me as surely as the light. It is how we use things that matter. A scalpel can be a tool that saves a life, takes a life or cuts our dinner. Just don't use it to eat your cereal. Your milk will escape and you'll probably cut your tongue.

[moonraingirl]

How can one learn to accept their dark side and use it constructively? It's a great theory but how do you do it in practice?

Two nights ago I did centering and I acknowledged all my bad characteristics and habits. I also thought about people I don't like and analysed if I have those faults. It was quite a lot. Surprisingly, the process wasn't stressful. In fact, I felt relieved.

What's the next step? How do I work with this knowledge of myself?

[Xiao Rong]

Moonraingirl, putting a plug in for an old post of mine, Knowing and Embracing Your Shadow.

Shadow work is really important for healthy development. Over time, I've come to realize there are two sides of Shadow work. The first is to acknowledge the gifts of your unclaimed, Shadow side. Here's an example:

I heard of a great example once of a woman who was really nice and sweet, and in the process of doing Shadow work she found that she really hated people who were "b*tchy" (specifically, being assertive). Then she asked herself, were there times when I've been b*tchy? Of course she had. And then she asks herself, were there times when being b*tchy would have been a good thing? She realizes that it could have really helped her when her plumber came late, did a poor job, and then overcharged her like crazy. So in accepting her b*tchy side, she also reclaims her assertiveness, and now she can use her assertiveness in situations where she needs it.

The second aspect of Shadow work is to look at the "good" qualities in yourself, and ask what the potential negative sides are. If we overidentify with our "Light" side, then we are also at risk in other ways. Here's a great list of the 12 Archetypes (based on a schema developed by Carol Pearson), and how each one can also lead to a Shadow side.

Here's a personal example explaining both:

For a long time, my Shadow was selfishness. I hated selfish people, and I couldn't understand how they could only act that way. Above all else, I admired people who were selfless, and gave everything they had for other people. Caring for other people is a great quality, but over time I've learned that there are downsides for giving too much of oneself. Sometimes, when you give because you see yourself as a giver, you're actually inhibiting other people from growing and becoming independent. You're actually disempowering them. Another downside is that I had a very difficult time attending to my own needs, and often suffered (and still do suffer!) from burnout. Because I was so scared of being selfish, I would sacrifice all my time and energy and never ask for anything back. Then I'd get resentful of the people I was helping because they weren't caring for me (which, of course, was also my selfish Shadow coming out and demanding attention), when really I needed to be the one taking responsibility for my own needs. It's an ongoing process, but I'm starting to balance out my Light and my Shadow. I don't want to completely give up my caring nature, but it is important to accept the gift of my selfish Shadow, which is self-protection. I'm striving for a balance of both, where being able to take care of myself is part of how I become a better, healthier giver.

(this is, of course, a very common issue among people in the helping professions or who are caregiver for other people).

[Newbiewitch94]

You have to acknowledge your dark side and find your own way to make peace with it. For example while I am a kind introvert my dark side is one full of pain rage and hatred that wants to punish the world (or more specifically the male species) for what men have done to me. How I make peace with this is I acknowledge those feelings and I every now and then allow that side to slightly take over. For example let's say im talking to a guy on a dating site and I get the feeling he's just looking for one thing and is leading me on I'll let my shadow or dark self take over and give him a peace of my mind. I also honor it by standing up for the oppressed and for female victims of crimes committed by men. This way I'm doing something good but not going on a rampage.