Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

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jaybirdblue
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Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by jaybirdblue »

((Honestly, I have no idea where this post should be, so I'm just putting it in the general thread. If the mods have a better idea of where it fits, please tell me))

So, this winter I was having some of the absolute worst mental health problems I've ever had. Psychotic symptoms, depression, mania, the whole shebang. And my usual support system (my friends) were one or more states over and couldn't physically be there with me or even devote too much time to being with me due to their own busy lives. So I started looking for literally any social group I could find just so that I could have some type of social interaction and support. And the only group that wasn't immediately off put by the visibly mentally ill person with a giant service dog suddenly popping up into their circle was this really intense Christian church.

Now, Im a firm believer that pretty much every form of spirituality focused on helping people/the planet and so on has at least some touch of the creator in it, and I was already interested in Judaism (I didnt go to a synagogue just because I wasn't raised Jewish, though my grandfather was a Jew, and felt kind of intimidated) so I figured, they have at least a little in common so why not. They also had these group social meetings twice a week so it kept my brain from melting totally.

And now for the issues. Now that Ive met these people for a long while...uh...they are kind of...problematic. Firstly, they anti-gay, anti-sex, anti-porn, and all for traditional gender rolls. All of which I REALLY disagree with. I'm a queer trans person who is very VERY sex positive, which they somehow have yet to notice? They also take the devil and the biblical creation story literally, which bothers my scientist brain. Plus, when I openly said that I practiced Neo-Paganism their first response was "Have you repented for that" and when I said no, and asked why they would ask that they said, "Because in Gods eyes its a sin." Ive never once said that I was a Christian, and I'm not, nor do I have any intention of becoming one. They also have this very creepy habit of noticing when im not there. When I don't come one week they immediately confront me on where I was and why I didn't attend. Granted, I have a giant dog with me, so its kind of easy to notice when Im there or not, but its still weird.

Ive made the decision on one occasion or another to stop attending (and leaving with a bang waving my rainbow flag high) but ive gotten kind of attached to them? That and my need for socialization hasnt changed. Sometimes going there is the only thing i have to look forward to all week. That and, i mean, theyre REALLY nice. At least on the surface. Plus theyre the only people that haven't balked when I speak openly about my mental illness and my psychosis. Thats pretty rare.

So, theyre views are toxic, but I kind of feel like theyre my only choice when it comes to keeping me stable?
Any advice or just really any input at all?
Vesca
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Re: Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by Vesca »

First, this isn't really an uncommon scenario for people of non-Christian followings who have the extra burden of handling psychological challenges. The hard reality is that of all the support groups out there, the vast majority that are close-knit and long-lasting are centered around churches because when people choose a church they tend to stick with it for the long haul (until they move anyway).

So don't worry, you aren't the first person to have found themselves in this boat.

I can't tell you what you should/shouldn't do or what will/won't work because it will depend entirely on the relationship you've already built with them and their general personal differences. But, I will ask if you have actually voiced your position with them yet?

That is, have you explained to them that you are not Christian but that this group has been incredibly helpful to you when you've been in crisis and without it you would be a bit worse for wear? Maybe it's a good time to tell them exactly what you've said here. That you're grateful for the group, but that you don't necessarily fit into their dynamic and you would like to stay because you have formed that connection with them.

Alternatively, you could just completely omit your sexuality, gender-identity, religious beliefs, etc... from group conversations and take only the emotional support from the group. And create your spiritual support group within this forum.

Entirely your decision and you're the one who will have to decide what is right for you in the long run.

Also, are you also seeing a therapist? Have you looked into group therapy? If you haven't, those structured group meetings focusing on psychological challenges might be a great thing for you.
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Becks
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Re: Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by Becks »

Are there any Unitarian Universalists in your area? Any groups for them? UU's are generally good with paganism and the whole spectrum of the LBGTQ community. That must be tough. My thoughts are with you. Hope you manifest a place of connection and support soon.
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Myrth
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Re: Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by Myrth »

My sympathies. I take it you are in a rural area with few resources, or else the LGBTQ resources in your area aren't sympathetic to mental illness issues. Not every group, no matter how open they might be to one issue is open to all issues. Your need for socialization is important. So is your need not to be degraded. This group is toxic to your very core identity, and that cannot be healthy. I agree that group therapy would likely far better for you. But I don't know what is available in your area. If you can get into treatment, it might be that LGBTQ groups would be more accepting. Best wishes for you. I hope you find an appropriate support group. Hugs.
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Kassandra
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Re: Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by Kassandra »

jaybirdblue wrote: ive gotten kind of attached to them? That and my need for socialization hasnt changed. Sometimes going there is the only thing i have to look forward to all week. That and, i mean, theyre REALLY nice. At least on the surface. Plus theyre the only people that haven't balked when I speak openly about my mental illness and my psychosis. Thats pretty rare.

So, theyre views are toxic, but I kind of feel like theyre my only choice when it comes to keeping me stable?
Any advice or just really any input at all?
Well, if it works (for now), love the ones you're with. :)




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smogie_michele
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Re: Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by smogie_michele »

Becks wrote:Are there any Unitarian Universalists in your area? Any groups for them? UU's are generally good with paganism and the whole spectrum of the LBGTQ community. That must be tough. My thoughts are with you. Hope you manifest a place of connection and support soon.
I recently started going to a UU church every few weeks and they are absolutely accepting of all walks of life. They don't teach religion so much, they mostly teach acceptance and how to be a positive impact on the community. When I was facing my brain demons, it was the best possible place for me to turn to.
I hate that you are in a weird situation and I hope that you find some resolution to your feelings very soon. For the meantime, just know that the community here at EUTM is always a great place to vent your troubles to.
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SpiritTalker
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Re: Hanging out with Hardcore Christians

Post by SpiritTalker »

I have been in some tightly knit Christian study and prayer groups and learned much. Not necessarily about the Bible, but also about group dynamics. It may or may not be some help.

Ask yourself: Are you better with 'em or without 'em? Are they possessively confrontational, demanding "why weren't you here?" or humanely concerned that you were in need? We never have to explain anything, of course. You are under no obligation beyond courtesy. What is the price of acceptance? If it comes with controls, can we afford it? Weigh that against the cost of non-acceptance at the moment, not a whole lifetime, just the now. What's the saying...? Chop wood and carry water. Serenity within ourselves is the only shield I know to carry us over the big ones.

Peace.
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