Witches and relationships

[Amefurin]

My question is rather personal and mostly directed at those of you married or in serious relationships.

My previous boyfriend was very much a man of science, physicist at heart and a sceptic to anything he (or someone else who was qualified enough to) couldn't prove.
And although I when we were together I already felt a pull of the unseen, I wasn't a practising witch back then.
Yet I have to wonder...

I am thinking if I suddenly said I am a witch to a person I want to build a relationship with or already am with how would they react. I can only imagine not all of them would be so open minded. Most would probably make lame jokes, others think I am crazy.
And yet isn't the person we choose to be with supposed to accept us as we are?

How do you approach the topic of being a witch, psychic etc.. with those you want to/share your life?
Does is sometimes create friction in relationship? Or is it just a matter of finding the right person?
Or maybe you don't mix the two, and keep this part of yourself hidden?

I suppose it can be also affecting other relationships in our life, not only romantic ones... but this subject is one that interests me most.
Just because someone is not open minded enough, shouldn't stay in a way of otherwise wonderful relationship, right?

Please, if you wish, share your experiences with me. As a new witch I find it is a subject that will probably come up in my life sooner or later.

[Xiao Rong]

Hi Amefurin! Actually, something very similar happened to me ... I have been in a long-term relationship with my Significant Other (almost 6 years now), who was an engineering major, cares about science, and generally "apatheist" (doesn't give a crap about spirituality one way or another). Around year 3 I started to seriously explore witchcraft, and I didn't tell him for a good 6 months, because I was worried he would think I was crazy and because I needed to know that it was the right path for me.

Eventually I did, because I don't like keeping secrets from him and it was becoming a very big part of my life. He's been very supportive of me and is curious about what I do, even if he doesn't want to join me, per se. It doesn't cause that much "friction" in the relationship beyond the very nitty gritty details (e.g. this week is my coven meeting, so I'm taking the car Thursday night, how can we plan around it so you can do game night with your friends -- that sort of thing). But in general, we don't see eye to eye on spirituality, but he is supportive of it because he knows it's important to me.

I suspect in my case, it was less about finding the right person (although of course traits like open-mindedness and kindness are helpful) and more about growing together as people. I suppose it helps that he's not the kind of militant atheist who rejects all notions of the supernatural and ritual as irrational mumbo-jumbo (but again, that comes back to open-mindedness). But we'd been together for a while, so it was clear I had been developing this way for a while and probably not the biggest surprise for him. I suppose that if I were single now and looking for somebody, I'd have to be clear about my spirituality from the get-go and ensure s/he was okay with that.

I absolutely would not keep this part of myself hidden from my partner, though. I think spirituality is a very important part of how you form your values and your identity as a person, and if your partner mocks or otherwise doesn't respect your spirituality, I think 9 times out of 10 it is an indication that they don't respect you as a person either. I know I wouldn't tolerate any disrespect from my SO on this subject. Disagreement is fine; disrespect isn't.

This is just my perspective on spirituality and relationships. Hope it helps a little; and also looking forwards to hearing from other folks!

[Myrth]

I told my husband about my beliefs very early on in our relationship, before we got serious. I did not want to waste time on anyone who could not accept me fully. He says that is one of the things he loves about me, my unique spirituality.

[Siona]

So it's something I've always been pretty open about when it comes to relationships, since my spirituality is such a big part of who I am, and I've found that it really does keep me from "wasting time" with someone who would never be accepting of that part of me. (Wasting time probably isn't the best way to put it, but...)

Like, in my last relationship I was pretty upfront about being a pagan and a witch, and the guy was a pretty hard core Christian. He said he'd respect me, but a little while into the relationship it was pretty clear that was a lie. I mean he was telling me I would go to hell most days, saying he'd want to raise potential children as Christian and I would have to keep my religion secret, etc, which didn't fly with me at all. Especially since he was a huge hypocrite about his faith. I really need someone who respects this about me, since again, it is a big part of my life... and even if he had been totally perfect in every other way, this still would have been an absolutely deal breaker for me.

On the other hand, I've been with my current partner for almost thirteen years now, and religion has never been an issue. Again, I was pretty upfront and open right from the start about it. They're sort of agnostic/atheist/Jewish, very into science and all that, but at the same time they've never disrespected my beliefs. I have no doubt that they probably privately think some of my beliefs are silly or weird, or that I'm a bit superstitious at times, but they have never once been insulting or anything like that, never tried to change me, and I've given them the same respect, so religion has never really been an issue for us.

[AdastraJunction]

I'm not in a relationship right now but I have always been honest when asked. They've all taken it with a grain of salt so to speak. Though, I do tend to attract a very understanding crowd be it mates or intimates. So I've been fortunate in that respect. I don't recall ever having a negative reaction to it.

A mate of mine in chicago whom is married, she is pagan and her husband is agnostic. They are perfect opposites! He is very much like Spock ie: very analytical, scientifically minded but open to possibilities. She is very in tune with nature, spiritual and the like. When they first started dating she told him her beliefs and he did laugh at first wondering if she were serious but in the end it didn't matter they loved everything about each other.

So it depends on the individual person. Some see it as tabboo, others a peculiar life style and some just don't care at all. Honesty is paramount in any relationship, if you cannot be open and honest about your way of life and beliefs then it may stand in the way later on down the road and cause a rift.

[Soul]

I love science and I feel very drawn to a Pagan perspective. Even during my decades of being a Christian, I loved science (and had secret Pagan leanings). I always tried to integrate spirituality, metaphysics, and science. I now fully embrace a very Humanistic and wholistic view of reality, Humanity, self, and life. I would LOVE to meet a good woman who would tell me she is a Witch and who also appreciates my desire to find the meeting ground of spirituality, metaphysics, and science -- all wrapped up in a generally Pagan view of life. Where is she?...

Peace,
Soul

My question is rather personal and mostly directed at those of you married or in serious relationships.

My previous boyfriend was very much a man of science, physicist at heart and a sceptic to anything he (or someone else who was qualified enough to) couldn't prove.
And although I when we were together I already felt a pull of the unseen, I wasn't a practising witch back then.
Yet I have to wonder...

I am thinking if I suddenly said I am a witch to a person I want to build a relationship with or already am with how would they react. I can only imagine not all of them would be so open minded. Most would probably make lame jokes, others think I am crazy.
And yet isn't the person we choose to be with supposed to accept us as we are?

How do you approach the topic of being a witch, psychic etc.. with those you want to/share your life?
Does is sometimes create friction in relationship? Or is it just a matter of finding the right person?
Or maybe you don't mix the two, and keep this part of yourself hidden?

I suppose it can be also affecting other relationships in our life, not only romantic ones... but this subject is one that interests me most.
Just because someone is not open minded enough, shouldn't stay in a way of otherwise wonderful relationship, right?

Please, if you wish, share your experiences with me. As a new witch I find it is a subject that will probably come up in my life sooner or later.

[Lavender]

Unless I met the person at a Pagan gathering, metaphysical shop, meditation circle, etc., I usually don't mention my spiritual practices on the first date unless they come up naturally. When meeting new coworkers or colleagues, it's pretty standard practice among most people not to discuss politics or religion right off the bat. Some avoid those topics at work all together. I don't want my coworker to start telling me all about his relationship with Christ (or Jehova, or any other particular pantheon) just because those 'let me tell you about me' conversations usually turn into 'you don't believe the same thing? Well, let me tell you why you're wrong.'

I love talking about it with people who I see as friends, though! I just see it in the same light as politics. Do you suspect that the political topic may create tension at work based on very different beliefs? Is it a conversation that you don't really need to have? Does not talking about it change your own relationship with the divine or lack thereof? Then why muddy the workplace with sensitive topics?

Dating on the other hand, I agree that early communication is necessary. But how much and when really depends on the individuals. Personally, my career is in the engineering field. Electrical, to be precise. We know how energy works, the laws and variables of its flow, its different forms and how they affect systems (implementing a thermal protection devices as well as overcurrents when the circuits have motors, for example). I use this education and training to work with my own energy, seeing the world as positives, negatives, complete circuits, differences of potential, etc. You can have a scientific approach to the world and still be a practicing witch.

My boyfriend on the other hand, has no spiritual beliefs. We're in very similar fields of work, though he works with the lower voltage side of things. But the laws of energy still apply, no matter how you change the variables. When we first started dating, I would mention pagan practices and even told him about attending rituals when they would occur. He seemed vaguely curious, but never asked me any specifics. Now that we live together, I try to plan my rituals and casting for when he's either at work or in bed just so I'm not distracted by the TV or his playing MMORPG games. It's just not conductive to a meditative journey to be startled by a yell of "would you just die already, you ugly ******* ogre!"

He's been supportive though, having the kindness and class not to be rude about my spiritual beliefs. If anything, he'll say that something is interesting. But we had grown together a bit before I just busted out the wand and athame.

With people who have grown to be friends (coworker or otherwise), I've tested the waters with talk of non-denominational spiritual concepts like meditation, animal totems, dream interpretation, small prophetic glimpses, a belief in ghosts or other 'supernatural' entities...whether I follow/believe in them or not. This lets me feel how open minded the person is, and sometimes, it gets them to start thinking about things outside of the box that they never really had a reason to before. Or maybe they were afraid to talk about them. I make sure that even if they believe in something that I find rather absurd, I show them that it's okay to share these things without fear of being scoffed at.

I have two friends who are traditional Catholic, but I explained my beliefs and experiences as they are, only occasionally throwing in labels such as Pagan or Wicca. O just kind of gently introduced them into the concept of finding Divinity and understanding Self without following a particular doctrine. One friend built me an altar storage box for my birthday that has "Blessed Be" carved into the lid. The other friend regularly provides me with items I'm looking for, even when I say that they're for my altar. (I had the hardest time finding Holly for Yule, for example)

In essence, I would say use discretion and judgement. Just like we all have the right to our political beliefs, it doesn't mean that it should be our icebreaker. The world isn't always fair and people aren't always kind; you're not lying to yourself or compromising your beliefs by being tactful with who, where, and when you share your spiritual practices. Part of our personal growth includes the wisdom of knowing when things are ready to thrive, and when they still need to rest beneath the earth.

[summerhillfrog]

Hi Amefurin,
I am a senior scientist and a witch! Take it slowly, sharing a bit at a time and let him tune into you and he will deduce it. The label "witch" might be unhelpful. He will be sceptical which is a wise trait, but he will know that much is unexplainable and thus interesting. The power of the mind as in the placebo effect will be something he might accept as an entry to our use of willpower. But anyway being different is good in a relationship. Good luck, I am sure he will make an effort to meet your mind and enjoy it.

[AnaisStar]

I waited awhile to really tell my now DH. I eventually started inviting him to participate in rituals and spells. Now he loves it. I'm very lucky

[Anne Boleyn]

In my first marriage, my husband knew and seemed very supportive. He gave me space (physical and personal) to do my rituals, encouraged me in my craft, even helped me open a store online and offer services IRL. He seemed to not mind and while he never wanted to participate, never gave me any clue he was anything other than OK with my beliefs and practices. At that time I was very open with my beliefs... I wasn't in-your-face about it, but I didn't keep it a secret. I had numerous friends IRL and online who were Wiccan or witches and I was very connected in the community.

When our marriage started to fall apart, one of the arrows slung at me was "And I never judged you for being a witch or told you how that it was stupid and pointless. Not many people would do that, they'd think you're insane and would want nothing to do with you." To this day, I don't know if it was words said out of anger to hurt or words said out of an inner truth... At this point, it doesn't matter, but it still stung and it stuck with me for awhile.

During our divorce, I internalized and retreated to myself. I closed my online business, closed my online presence, drifted apart from all of my friends, and getting back on my feet became my focus over anything else. During that time I didn't abandon my beliefs, but I went from more open to more closed, more active demonstrative worship, spell work, and rituals, to internalized, private, small, and personal. What was once a ceremony with an entire dining room table of tools that went on for two hours was now me and a box of Tarot cards, a candle, and done in 20 minutes.

I got back on my feet again and I started dating a guy I worked with. At work, I never kept my faith a secret, though I didn't talk about it. I asked for Halloween night off and said why, I'd wear a Pentacle to work, I even had a manager defend my right to do so. I assumed since I'd worked with this person for years, he knew my faith. It was a non-issue. I honestly think it always would have been.

Until his ex-wife Googled me.

His ex-wife was not over their divorce in the slightest, and she made no secret about how she Googled me to "find dirt." Well, she found everything from my old businesses, old IRL listings, my image sharing account with all my handcrafted items, a blog where I shared spells and tips... Everything. And she freaked out. Thus started a crazy mess for me professionally, personally, and everywhere in between.

First, she started off by saying "had a vision from God" and came to strict conservative Christianity. She became a cross wearing, dress wearing, devout woman of God who'd stop to pray over anything and everything. Remember "Steel Magnolias?" The religious hairdresser could have been my husband's ex.

Second, she made dozens and dozens of copies of things I'd said, done, pictures I'd taken, events I had attended and spread them out everywhere. She gave them to her family, his family, extended family, co-workers, my friends, my family, everything. Keep in mind, I'm an Elemental with a focus on crystal, candle, kitchen, and Tarot magic. I don't sacrifice babies, I didn't practice skyclad and put pictures up online, I wasn't posting about doing drugs or getting drunk (neither of which I've ever done)... What she was posting and sharing I promise all of you would look at and say "And...?" But you'd have thought in my free time I was wandering he neighborhood while drinking animal blood and preaching about the devil. While the reactions that I got as a result were 80% didn't care, 15% thought it was interesting and wanted to hear about it, and 5% thought I was an insane she-devil out to steal souls, it was that 5% that made life unbearable for quite awhile.

It was doubly unfortunate that all of his family and most of hers fell into that 5%.

His mother, who makes the Duggers look like religious liberals, lost her mind. She's conservative like I've never seen. Earth created in 6 days, dinosaurs aren't real, we're living in the end times kind of conservative. She claimed I'd cursed her, I'd used spells on my boyfriend to lure him from his wife, used spells and curses on his ex to bring her misfortune, that I would curse everybody... I think I was even blamed for a rare tornado that went through his mother's town that year. Not joking. It would be my luck that for the first time in 50 years a tornado went through as all of this was going down. Anyway, his family and her family encouraged her to take the kids away, not allow them to see their father while I was around, and actually filed to bring us to court on the grounds of abuse and on an immorality clause. She claimed that my "Satanism" was a direct threat to the Christian upbringing of the kids. His childhood pastor called to rebuke us, her current pastor called to pray for us, his mother's church had prayer circles for him to be freed of witchcraft... It was nuts. The best thing to happen to the Christian conversion rate in my community that year was me being "discovered" as a witch.

Somewhere in there, my boyfriend asked me what the deal was, and I told him. He was raised very strict Christian (obviously) and he was terrified. All he knew about my beliefs are what he'd heard from a conservative church, his conservative mother, and his newly devoutly religious ex. He was worried for me and my soul, he was scared to death of my tools, of what spirits I dabbled with, and he was scared it meant I was going to hell and that for being with me he was going with. Never once was he mean to me, judgmental about me, or cruel... Never once did he say I was going to hell, anything like that at all... He said he was worried about hell, but not that I'd go. I think reconciling that I was a good person with a sinful practice that meant I was going to hell made him really question a lot about his faith that he wasn't prepared to question and it just rattled him. Anyway, all that there was was a blinding fear of what it all meant.

Once that he understood that my beliefs didn't mean a disbelief in Christianity or a hatred of it or Jesus or the Christian God, he warmed considerably and felt better, but that fear was still there. All he asked of me was that I occasionally read the Bible with him, attend a church service here or there, and we'd go from there. That wasn't a big sacrifice on my part... I was raised Catholic and I have very strong connections to The Holy Virgin. Just because I'm a witch doesn't mean I have no ties to Christianity and a lot of what I do can be very influenced by Christianity.

In the end, he went to bat for me, when we went to court his ex-wife was told that there was nothing illegal about what I was doing. Even after looking through over 500 pages of things I'd done or said online, the judge said there was nothing shocking or immoral either. Luckily, we live in a state that recognizes my right to practice as I do... Not every state is so lucky. Some states, my boyfriend could have easily lost custody or had it reduced. Anyway, the judge said as long as I didn't compel the kids to participate, do it in front of them, or force them to my beliefs that there was nothing she could say or do... And even then, if I did the above with the consent of their father, there was still nothing she could say or do.

It has now been several years since that mess... We are now married, we have a child of our own. His ex is still not over the divorce and his mother believes my husband has broken the law by practicing bigamy. His mother doesn't acknowledge me or our child, his divorce, and she believes my husband is a bigamist and I'm an adultress, and our child is a you-know-what. His wife is still periodically devout and his mother says they were never divorced and calls her his wife. My husband, who I love dearly and believe is my other half, is still terrified by all things related to witchcraft and believes that I've turned away and become Christian... Or so he says to me and his family. However, he knows I have space in the attic filled with magical tools and Tarot cards. He sees I don't go to church. He hears me repeat superstitions, interpret dreams, and use crystals to heal myself. While I'm not as active publicly as I once was, in private I still am very much practicing. While I don't hide it, I don't flaunt it either.

At this point, I don't think I'd ever confront him and say "you know I'm still a witch, right?" because I think, really, not so deep down, he knows. He still loves me and accepts me, but I think having to confront it makes him genuinely scared from a spiritual perspective. When we were moving and he found a Tarot deck, he wouldn't even touch it to pack it away because it scared him so much. He asked if we could throw it away, if we had to bring it, we even got into a fight about how he didn't want to know it was in the house... But at the end, he knew I didn't want to chuck it and he knows it was put somewhere... He never asked what happened to it, I never told. I think a combination of fear of the unknown in what it is, paired with 30 years of being told the worst by his mother, along with the fear of what happens to the kids if I'm found out by his ex means he wants a "you don't tell me and I don't ask" sort of dynamic.

I know this isn't for everybody and I'm sure people would read this and want me to stand my ground, change minds, hearts, and impressions... But I really worked hard through prayer, fasting, casting, and Tarot to find out what the best course for me is. I still remember, the card I kept pulling was "Temperance." I came to realize this "all or nothing" mentality was going to destroy us and not create any level of harmony. For the first time in our lives, we'd both found true love, true friendship, and a level of happiness and contentment in those things I can't even put into words. Doing something that rattled that or forced us to give it up? Impossible. But I realized I wasn't called to choose between sacrificing family and love or sacrificing faith and beliefs, nor was my husband called to sacrifice me or sacrifice his kids. Choosing either one of those extremes would have left all of us bitterly unhappy and broken. So now we operate as we do now, where I'm as strong as ever in my faith but I do not share it or expose him to it, and he defends me and us to people from the outside and doesn't ask me about what I do or believe. He's even proven that he's willing to go to extremes to protect me as he now has no relationship with his mother over her beliefs and how they hurt him because they hurt us. Almost 10 years in, neither one of us has any regrets. I realize that I can't fight 30 years of conservative upbringing in him, plus his ex-wife, plus his mom, plus both families. I realize that to force him to ask these questions unsettles and hurts him, and I don't want that. When he seems to give me all the space in the world to believe as I do, it's not worth hurting him to make him ask questions of his faith. Neither of us gain anything from it.

In the end, if I'm "found out" again, it would be a disaster. I'd feel like I've broken our unspoken agreement and we'd be put at so much risk of losing so much. This almost "don't ask don't tell" works for us because it means I'm not needling his fears or putting him in a place where he has to fortify himself against what happens if I'm "found out."

Besides, I see my "enemies" for what they are. His mother is a very fearful person and while she rants very much about religion and the end times, she's a threat answered by hanging up the phone. His ex is a more consistent threat not only because of proximity, but because while she claims to have found the way and the light through conservative Christianity, she linked up with my husband's sister who was a witch several years ago and got all sorts of banishments, curses, and bindings she cast on me and my husband. She thought the best way to fight a witch was to be a witch. Let's talk about what a hassle that was for the longest time. It's nearly impossible to be a witch discreetly in such situations.

[Myrth]

Oh, Anne, how sad that you had to go through that. But I am glad you have worked through it to a point where you are comfortable.

Personally, my ex was a Catholic who had strayed from his upbringing. He was never comfortable with my pagan beliefs. I could not openly practice witchcraft. He did not accept ALL of me. Then I got cancer and he started shopping for my replacement. I divorced him.

I took up Reiki. I was finally FREE to practice my spirituality in my own home. I swore that I would NEVER, EVER AGAIN have a serious, committed relationship with any man who would not love ALL OF ME. My spiritual life is extremely important to me. So, if a man seemed promising, before it went too far, I would start a discussion about our spiritual beliefs and values, to be sure that I found someone truly compatible this time. I did not want to go through another divorce. To me, life is too short to waste it being miserable and having to hide who I am from my life partner.

Everyone has to follow her or his own path on this issue.

[Amefurin]

I am sorry to hear about your hard times

I know that even without being witches we would have similar problems in personal life. Just the details are different. Everyone has some challenges in life.

Yet I am glad to see that most of you found good partners to share your lives with or managed to get through the hard times. I wish people were more open minded and tolerant about some things.

[smogie_michele]

Everyone's stories were very touching to read in one way or another. It's always nice to see a personal side to whoever is on the other side of the computer screen and I truly hope everyone is happy with their path and their relationships now.

My ex (who I was with for 4 years) suppressed my spirituality and I almost lost my way because of it. I told him point blank after about 6 months that I was pagan and he made fun of it and called me stupid, ect. Even things such as meditating when I was stressed or burning incense was grounds for harassment for me. All of this ended up in my giving up on my religion just so I could keep him around.

After 4 long years I finally broke things off and found myself again. And I kick myself in the behind for letting some boy who didn't really care about me stand in the way of my religion. When I started seeing my fiance, I kind of eased him into it. I told hi that I believed in metaphysical practices such as meditation or burning certain herbs to achieve a certain feeling. He seemed pretty okay with it and started buying me incense and crystals. I finally told him about my beliefs completely and he was nothing but supportive. He asks me about holidays and buys my books that he found. He doesn't share my beliefs, but he respects them and encourages them. I'm glad I eased him into it instead of just dropping that ball on him.

I guess long story short, I feel like if you can see a future with someone, be honest sooner than later. And if they just can't accept it, then maybe things aren't meant to be.

No matter what, I wish everyone the best in their lives

[Amefurin]

It's very nice to read other peoples stories and know that no matter how tough it can get there usually is a happy ending.
Since I am just getting over my relationship and learn to deal with the fact that my ex has already found someone new to love, I find the thought comforting.
I wish him well and am happy he is happy, but it's sometimes difficult when my own wounds are still open and raw.

But I am getting there.
And reading this topic made me hopeful for the future... that at some point I will as well find someone who truly cares about me and who I can love with all my heart

Thank you.

[Cinda]

In my first marriage, my husband knew and seemed very supportive. He gave me space (physical and personal) to do my rituals, encouraged me in my craft, even helped me open a store online and offer services IRL. He seemed to not mind and while he never wanted to participate, never gave me any clue he was anything other than OK with my beliefs and practices. At that time I was very open with my beliefs... I wasn't in-your-face about it, but I didn't keep it a secret. I had numerous friends IRL and online who were Wiccan or witches and I was very connected in the community.

When our marriage started to fall apart, one of the arrows slung at me was "And I never judged you for being a witch or told you how that it was stupid and pointless. Not many people would do that, they'd think you're insane and would want nothing to do with you." To this day, I don't know if it was words said out of anger to hurt or words said out of an inner truth... At this point, it doesn't matter, but it still stung and it stuck with me for awhile.

During our divorce, I internalized and retreated to myself. I closed my online business, closed my online presence, drifted apart from all of my friends, and getting back on my feet became my focus over anything else. During that time I didn't abandon my beliefs, but I went from more open to more closed, more active demonstrative worship, spell work, and rituals, to internalized, private, small, and personal. What was once a ceremony with an entire dining room table of tools that went on for two hours was now me and a box of Tarot cards, a candle, and done in 20 minutes.

I got back on my feet again and I started dating a guy I worked with. At work, I never kept my faith a secret, though I didn't talk about it. I asked for Halloween night off and said why, I'd wear a Pentacle to work, I even had a manager defend my right to do so. I assumed since I'd worked with this person for years, he knew my faith. It was a non-issue. I honestly think it always would have been.

Until his ex-wife Googled me.

His ex-wife was not over their divorce in the slightest, and she made no secret about how she Googled me to "find dirt." Well, she found everything from my old businesses, old IRL listings, my image sharing account with all my handcrafted items, a blog where I shared spells and tips... Everything. And she freaked out. Thus started a crazy mess for me professionally, personally, and everywhere in between.

First, she started off by saying "had a vision from God" and came to strict conservative Christianity. She became a cross wearing, dress wearing, devout woman of God who'd stop to pray over anything and everything. Remember "Steel Magnolias?" The religious hairdresser could have been my husband's ex.

Second, she made dozens and dozens of copies of things I'd said, done, pictures I'd taken, events I had attended and spread them out everywhere. She gave them to her family, his family, extended family, co-workers, my friends, my family, everything. Keep in mind, I'm an Elemental with a focus on crystal, candle, kitchen, and Tarot magic. I don't sacrifice babies, I didn't practice skyclad and put pictures up online, I wasn't posting about doing drugs or getting drunk (neither of which I've ever done)... What she was posting and sharing I promise all of you would look at and say "And...?" But you'd have thought in my free time I was wandering he neighborhood while drinking animal blood and preaching about the devil. While the reactions that I got as a result were 80% didn't care, 15% thought it was interesting and wanted to hear about it, and 5% thought I was an insane she-devil out to steal souls, it was that 5% that made life unbearable for quite awhile.

It was doubly unfortunate that all of his family and most of hers fell into that 5%.

His mother, who makes the Duggers look like religious liberals, lost her mind. She's conservative like I've never seen. Earth created in 6 days, dinosaurs aren't real, we're living in the end times kind of conservative. She claimed I'd cursed her, I'd used spells on my boyfriend to lure him from his wife, used spells and curses on his ex to bring her misfortune, that I would curse everybody... I think I was even blamed for a rare tornado that went through his mother's town that year. Not joking. It would be my luck that for the first time in 50 years a tornado went through as all of this was going down. Anyway, his family and her family encouraged her to take the kids away, not allow them to see their father while I was around, and actually filed to bring us to court on the grounds of abuse and on an immorality clause. She claimed that my "Satanism" was a direct threat to the Christian upbringing of the kids. His childhood pastor called to rebuke us, her current pastor called to pray for us, his mother's church had prayer circles for him to be freed of witchcraft... It was nuts. The best thing to happen to the Christian conversion rate in my community that year was me being "discovered" as a witch.

Somewhere in there, my boyfriend asked me what the deal was, and I told him. He was raised very strict Christian (obviously) and he was terrified. All he knew about my beliefs are what he'd heard from a conservative church, his conservative mother, and his newly devoutly religious ex. He was worried for me and my soul, he was scared to death of my tools, of what spirits I dabbled with, and he was scared it meant I was going to hell and that for being with me he was going with. Never once was he mean to me, judgmental about me, or cruel... Never once did he say I was going to hell, anything like that at all... He said he was worried about hell, but not that I'd go. I think reconciling that I was a good person with a sinful practice that meant I was going to hell made him really question a lot about his faith that he wasn't prepared to question and it just rattled him. Anyway, all that there was was a blinding fear of what it all meant.

Once that he understood that my beliefs didn't mean a disbelief in Christianity or a hatred of it or Jesus or the Christian God, he warmed considerably and felt better, but that fear was still there. All he asked of me was that I occasionally read the Bible with him, attend a church service here or there, and we'd go from there. That wasn't a big sacrifice on my part... I was raised Catholic and I have very strong connections to The Holy Virgin. Just because I'm a witch doesn't mean I have no ties to Christianity and a lot of what I do can be very influenced by Christianity.

In the end, he went to bat for me, when we went to court his ex-wife was told that there was nothing illegal about what I was doing. Even after looking through over 500 pages of things I'd done or said online, the judge said there was nothing shocking or immoral either. Luckily, we live in a state that recognizes my right to practice as I do... Not every state is so lucky. Some states, my boyfriend could have easily lost custody or had it reduced. Anyway, the judge said as long as I didn't compel the kids to participate, do it in front of them, or force them to my beliefs that there was nothing she could say or do... And even then, if I did the above with the consent of their father, there was still nothing she could say or do.

It has now been several years since that mess... We are now married, we have a child of our own. His ex is still not over the divorce and his mother believes my husband has broken the law by practicing bigamy. His mother doesn't acknowledge me or our child, his divorce, and she believes my husband is a bigamist and I'm an adultress, and our child is a you-know-what. His wife is still periodically devout and his mother says they were never divorced and calls her his wife. My husband, who I love dearly and believe is my other half, is still terrified by all things related to witchcraft and believes that I've turned away and become Christian... Or so he says to me and his family. However, he knows I have space in the attic filled with magical tools and Tarot cards. He sees I don't go to church. He hears me repeat superstitions, interpret dreams, and use crystals to heal myself. While I'm not as active publicly as I once was, in private I still am very much practicing. While I don't hide it, I don't flaunt it either.

At this point, I don't think I'd ever confront him and say "you know I'm still a witch, right?" because I think, really, not so deep down, he knows. He still loves me and accepts me, but I think having to confront it makes him genuinely scared from a spiritual perspective. When we were moving and he found a Tarot deck, he wouldn't even touch it to pack it away because it scared him so much. He asked if we could throw it away, if we had to bring it, we even got into a fight about how he didn't want to know it was in the house... But at the end, he knew I didn't want to chuck it and he knows it was put somewhere... He never asked what happened to it, I never told. I think a combination of fear of the unknown in what it is, paired with 30 years of being told the worst by his mother, along with the fear of what happens to the kids if I'm found out by his ex means he wants a "you don't tell me and I don't ask" sort of dynamic.

I know this isn't for everybody and I'm sure people would read this and want me to stand my ground, change minds, hearts, and impressions... But I really worked hard through prayer, fasting, casting, and Tarot to find out what the best course for me is. I still remember, the card I kept pulling was "Temperance." I came to realize this "all or nothing" mentality was going to destroy us and not create any level of harmony. For the first time in our lives, we'd both found true love, true friendship, and a level of happiness and contentment in those things I can't even put into words. Doing something that rattled that or forced us to give it up? Impossible. But I realized I wasn't called to choose between sacrificing family and love or sacrificing faith and beliefs, nor was my husband called to sacrifice me or sacrifice his kids. Choosing either one of those extremes would have left all of us bitterly unhappy and broken. So now we operate as we do now, where I'm as strong as ever in my faith but I do not share it or expose him to it, and he defends me and us to people from the outside and doesn't ask me about what I do or believe. He's even proven that he's willing to go to extremes to protect me as he now has no relationship with his mother over her beliefs and how they hurt him because they hurt us. Almost 10 years in, neither one of us has any regrets. I realize that I can't fight 30 years of conservative upbringing in him, plus his ex-wife, plus his mom, plus both families. I realize that to force him to ask these questions unsettles and hurts him, and I don't want that. When he seems to give me all the space in the world to believe as I do, it's not worth hurting him to make him ask questions of his faith. Neither of us gain anything from it.

In the end, if I'm "found out" again, it would be a disaster. I'd feel like I've broken our unspoken agreement and we'd be put at so much risk of losing so much. This almost "don't ask don't tell" works for us because it means I'm not needling his fears or putting him in a place where he has to fortify himself against what happens if I'm "found out."

Besides, I see my "enemies" for what they are. His mother is a very fearful person and while she rants very much about religion and the end times, she's a threat answered by hanging up the phone. His ex is a more consistent threat not only because of proximity, but because while she claims to have found the way and the light through conservative Christianity, she linked up with my husband's sister who was a witch several years ago and got all sorts of banishments, curses, and bindings she cast on me and my husband. She thought the best way to fight a witch was to be a witch. Let's talk about what a hassle that was for the longest time. It's nearly impossible to be a witch discreetly in such situations.

This would SO be me I bet. Hubby wouldn't up and leave, but he'd be weird and angry about it. His super conservative family? Don't get me started. So I'll just keep it to myself. I don't mind at this point as its so new for me.