This question does not apply solely on spells or prayer but to even mundane decisions and actions. I believe in the rede and the harm none rule, but I wonder what happens when this rule does not apply 100%.
I have a relative who is not happy with her marriage but she has kids. She claims that if she decides to set free and divorce, she will harm her kids who love their Dad. So even if she is not happy, she will not do anything about it because she does not want to harm her kids.
She asked my help with a spell for guidance and I am not sure on how to do it. I adviced to her to make the spell or prayer herself. as it would be more effective considering she is the one with the feelings and situation.
But it made me wonder. What happens if no matter what you do, you would be harming someone else ?
I think sometimes you have to
a) "choose the lesser of two evils"
-or-
b) make a decision based on what needs to be done and stick with it.
Sometimes there is NO choice in which absolutely no one will be harmed to some extent. This is when you simply have to make a choice you can live with. Self sacrifice rarely benefits anyone involved. If one party in a relationship is miserable the others involved will be also. It just is so.
It's a matter of life that all things come in balance. For there to be gain, there must also be loss. There is seldom a time when harming none is an option, especially on an energy level. It's about finding that balance that allows you to work in harmony with energy in play to manipulate it in such a way that you manifest a desired outcome. It's more important that you are not deliberately causing harm, nor acting in a selfish way that brings harm (love spells, ect.)
As one of my Blue Star friends once put it, the Rede's line of "harm none" does not specifically prohibit causing harm. Such would be impractical. The rule of "harm none" exists more to the extent of keeping in mind that spiteful harm is unethical, as well as to remind us to know and accept the harm our work brings.
Magick lessons aside, people should not be forced to remain in a relationship they do not feel comfortable or happy being in. Mature and responsible adults who form relationships that bring forth new life, then decide the relationship isn't for them, can often work together and create an understanding for the benefit of the children. Perhaps by letting the children choose which parent they wish to stay with, alternating weekends, or every other weekend, and generally sharing visitation rights so the children may still see both parents. While the initial step will be difficult, the children will adapt. As will the parents. Remaining in an unhappy relationship will serve to manifest those feelings into the aura, and the energy the person puts off. This can have a negative influence on all parties involved: your friend, the person she's with, and the children.
The best magickal solution that I see would be to utilize a spell to allow the separation to happen calmly, aiding each involved to transit more smoothly into the change. You are right that this would be most effective if done by your friend, as she would be the one with the greatest attachment to the situation. However, with her permission, you can work magick yourself to aid the process.
The Goddess is like the moon itself, guiding us in our darkest moments.
Exactly. One should never feel the only option is to remain unhappy, unable to do "what needs to be done". A large part of the Pagan spirituality is about gaining the wisdom to get you through your visit in this life, and the knowledge on how you can work to lead a balanced life. To remain in an unsatisfactory situation offsets that balance.
The Goddess is like the moon itself, guiding us in our darkest moments.
Thank you for your replies. Very supportive and useful : )
I agree with all your points of view. My friend is learning more lately about how to be independent, how to take care of herself. But she has this heavy example on her about her Mom, who was also in an unhappy situation and never divorced and always said it was for the sake of her children.
I agree that most probably the spell she needs is to give her guidance and the strenght that in the case it is her final decision and she is sure of it, move forward to a new path in her life.
