Need some unbiased opinions

[sunnydelight]

Hello my name is Deirdre and I'm new to this site. Well I need some advice. I started dating this guy about a year and a half ago, when we met it wasn't under the best circumstances because he was in the process of seperating from his wife due to her infidelities. Anyway we didn't get serious until he officially moved out of her house. We started seeing more and more of each other. He introduced me to his 1 year old daughter who is 3 now. Her mom found out about this and wanted to meet me. When we met it wasn't like your usual meeting it was more like an interrogation and her just wanting to see what I looked like because it didn't last for no more than about 3 minutes. Anyway he lost his job and could no longer afford to keep his apartment, but even with those challenges I would ensure that he had food for his place and ensured that he had other necessities because his daughter was there all the time and her mother would not help him. Anyway he eventually moved in with me and thats when things took a turn for the worst. His daughters mom start doing vindictive things like because she doesn't like me he can't see his kid and his love for his kid is so strong that he would do anything. So about 2 weeks ago he tells me that he is not happy in our relationship and he was going to TN to be near family, but he always feels the need to assure me that he not going back to her like its a guilty conscious or something. So him being in TN I have only talked to him on the phone once and he basically has reduced me down to text messages. He still feels the need that I have to support him while he is there because he still tries to use my bank card, but I cancelled it. Of course he says its foul that I would do that and I was like I wasn't the one that made you leave. To make matters worse I am 8 weeks pregnant with triplets and of course he knows all these things. I say to him its not about us anymore its about out kids and that him being out of the picture he will never be able to get back these moments. He says he doesn't love me anymore, and I was like how can you say you love someone 2 days ago and wanting to marry them in October but now you don't love them. I feel that I have done so much for this guy and made so many sacrifices. We have been through so much together including 4 miscarriages. I even suggested counseling but before I could set up the date for it he left. I just don't know what to do or what to say. I continuously cry over the issue trying to figure out what I did wrong, or ways to fix the issue. It hurts more now because I'm pregnant and I have to go through this alone.

[Seaspirit]

Well..you asked for an unbias opinion...and I 'will' do that!!

The guy is an absolute 'LOSER'!! 'ANY' guy that has to 'leach' off a woman is a coward!! It's GREAT that he is out of your life dvirus

These creeps 'prey' on woman that are more capable then themselves, so they can be 'taken care of' ....what a whimp and a weak loser.

I have to say one last thing....WHY on Earth!!! would you allow someone access to you 'bank' card!! That is YOUR money, for you, which you earnt! Do you think money grows on trees and you can just 'give' it away! Stop doing that!

[sunnydelight]

I hear what you are saying Seaspirit, the only reason why I gave him one of my bank cards is for just in case purposes when he was here. Oh did I mention he has no car, no job, and no place to live. All he can say that he has in life is a kid and 3 more on the way. It just hurts and I really do feel like a fool and that I've been played. Thank you though for your opinion, my family has been telling me the same thing, but I wanted to hear from other people.

[Star Shine]

I agree...he is a zit on the ass of life!!

You fell for a user, but you have 3 amazing miracles growing inside you girl:)....from now on only take his calls if they come after one of your doctor appointments or you call him and in a very business-like tone of voice tell him what occured during the doctor visit..you need to seperate the man you fell in love with from the user he is. Take care of you and those babies, if he truly wants to be a father he needs to petition the court to do so!! Then he will be assessed child support and the judge will give him visits, but I doubt he will if he sees he can't play on your emotions anymore:)
If ya ever need to vent please feel free to pm me. I have had 2 such men in my life and they gave me 2 kids each, I have been down your path.
Love and Blessings

[Star Shine]

BTW...YOU ARE NOT A FOOL:)...You are a human being that fell in love with the wrong person:)

[Wiccan Z]

I agree strait up looser

[staranashannon]

He is a user.
He is a loser.
I advise terminating your pregnancy. (Do you really want to be blood-connected to a user/loser man/boy for the next 18 years?)
I know you will not terminate your pregnancy because you love the user/loser and you want children, don't you?
It may be hard and heartbreaking, but maybe its the best thing to do. You do not want a bastard like this in your life..... or do you? Hmmmm....
Maybe I am no help. Maybe I AM biased, but mostof us are.
Get this S.O.B. out of your life. I know its hard, but its probably the best thing to move on and seek fullfilment elsewhere, but not necessarily in a romantic relationship. Your heart may break, but years later you may have forgotten why you ever loved the bastard in the first place.

[JBRaven]

You are in a tough place right now. You have to understand that you are in a tough place and he will (and can never again) be there for you. He used you and now that you are carrying a part of him, he has you hooked. Now when he sees the kids he will want money to do something with them or buy them food. Or you will have to foot the bill for him to come to your town from TN. Don't do this. Get on assistance, file for child support and cut ties with him. You are only a fool if you allow yourself to be used more by this guy. He does not love you, yes it hurts, but the sooner you get over this the better.

[sunnydelight]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. As far as terminating the pregnancy I will never do that because a child is a gift from God whether it was planned, unplanned, with a user/loser, or without. I do think I am able to raise these babies on my own with the guidance and support from my family. At the end of the day I have to do what's best for me and the babies and having him out of my life is the best and it finally took hearing what others had to say to really realize that. I can do bad all by myself without the help of anybody else. Yes he took my kindness as a weakness, but on judgement day he will have to answer to that. I have cleanse my soul and will leave things in God's hands. newangel

[staranashannon]

A terminated pregnancy would add to the heartache times a thousand, especially if disagrees with your morals. I know my suggestion last night was a little harsh. (My mind was altered)
JBRaven gives good advice.
_________________

[sunnydelight]

its quite alright staranashannon, its not like i was going to take that advice anyway.............just kidding, but all seriousness thank you for reading and responding, i do value everyones opinion. starshine's response spoke volumes to me and everything she had to say was on point and got my unanswered questions answered.

[blackbird]

I am sorry, this all sounds so stressful, and the last thing you need when you are pregnant and should be able to look forwards to your new family. This guy sounds as though he has as someone said allready, got his 'hooks' into you. And you do really need to get as much space, both mentally and pysically as you can between you both. Easier said than doen emotionally i know. But the person who said that a Man who leeches of a Woman is a waste of time is right. I know a man who does this, he wont work for his money, he gets it from family, friends..anynoe he can, he doesent support his 2 children. I hope things take a positive turn for you, but from what you are saying, i can see no decent future with this man in or around your life at all. The main thing for you is to reduce your stress and keep healthy at this time.

[Dragony]

The best advice i can give you is that love is like a double edged sword and not only binds us all but can blind us all, be careful playing with fire the next time because it is easy to get burnt. You got this energy vampire out of your life that is good keep it that way and from this experience you have learned alot to watch out for in a man and you can prevent the same mistakes happening again. Keep the kids but always preach good morality to them and when they get older explain what their father did to you so hopefully maybe they learn from the same mistake

[Starwitch Stone]

If you want any guy to really like you, you can't let him walk all over you and use you. If you do, he loses all respect for you and then he can't possibly love you.

How in the world did you get pregnant with TRIPLETS? Was that just natural or were you getting invitro to try to have this guy's kid (this guy who had no job, no home, no car, etc.)? For your sake, I hope it was accidental and natural because it would suck even worse to know that you actually PAID to get pregnant with this man's children and this is how he thanks you.

Well, there is it... Proof that there is no god. If there were a "loving god" as the Christians claim, I don't think that he would allow a situation like this to exist. Pregnant with triplets, dumped by a loser/user, and still letting that loser use your bank card for "just in case" purchases while he is obviously trying to get back together with his ex-wife and kids (don't believe him if he tells you otherwise. He is just lying to stay on your good side in hopes that you will continue to financially support him. It makes him look better to the ex and kids if he has a little money to spend on them.) I bet his wife dumped him for being a leech.

I'm guessing you haven't dated many men, or at least not losers, or you would recognize this pattern. These kind of guys are on TV all the time, being exposed for the sociopaths that they are. I thinks that it's unlikely that he really "loves" his kids. There may be something he is getting from his relationship with them, such as access to his ex-wife. Or he may enjoy having power over children (or something worse.)

You wanted my advice (she emailed me for it). Here it is... Don't trust men.

Bright Blessings,
Starwitch

[JuniperBerry]

There's no use telling you what mistakes you made or what a loser this guy is- what's done is done. What you need now, and what you seem to be asking for- is practical advice on how to move forward. Which is great.

First things first. Make sure all of your finances are in your name ( you've done this already, correct?) Change the locks on your door, because if he is vindictive and selfish, he may enter your apartment and take your belongings.

Get yourself to a good doctor so that you're getting proper prenatal care. Ask your doctor for a list of resources available for assistance. Being single with triplets on the way you're definitely going to need WIC, income-based daycare, etc. There are also programs for single mothers to join up and talk and support one another. This is great because you're not alone. These women that become your friends will come to your house to watch the kids, help with a sick baby, run by the grocer for you and so on.

Be the woman/person that you want your children to be. You wouldn't want your daughter to remain in relationship with a man like this, so don't allow yourself to. Be strong, even when lonely or confused. Demand respect from this man, don't give in to his pleas and confessions of true love. If he means it, he'll stick around and prove himself to you. You won't lose out by being firm. If he doesn't mean it he'll run and you're out nothing (besides a jerk). Also: if he treats you badly, that is how he will treat his children.

It will be hard, it will be difficult, make no mistake of that. But we prove ourselves in times like these. We grow, we mature, we gain wisdom. There is help, there is support, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.