Thanks FF, it has been trying. This week I feel like it’s built up to a point where it’s weighing me down. I do need to go for a walk in the woods or have a big cry in the bathtub.
This week the doctor found that the Ascites (urine leaking into abdomen from hole in bladder caused when they drained the bladder) had cleared up completely on its own. However, his bladder is filled up back to exactly where it was before. So based on that they feel it did more harm then good. They won’t do it again to avoid the ascites happening again. The good news is that there is still a good amount of amniotic fluid so lungs are in good shape, kidneys are still looking and functioning well so nothing is life threatening at the moment. She did tell me depending on how much pressure the bladder places in the lungs he could have respiratory problems as a child, but there is a good chance he would grow out of them. Her goal is to get me to a minimum of 32 weeks which would be the beginning of September.
The doctor has suggested waiting 2 weeks before coming back this time. She feels that things are stable and the odds of them turning negative or life threatening in that amount of time is very low. I’m putting my faith in her and going along with this recommendation. Also, she is communicating closely with the specialists in Houston at the children’s hospital. She is sending them a copy of my most recent ultrasound to see if they agree with everything she has said and will inform me if they have anything different to say about it. This makes me feel really good, like we’re getting the best of both worlds. Specialist care without having to drive all the way to Houston.
We’ll see our regular OB on Monday the 29 and the doctor of fetal medicine we’ve been seeing in Little Rock on July 2, so both in the same week. My local OB is on my Sh*t list kind of. It’s not her, but it is all the people I have to encounter in her office. (Clerical and nurses) I feel like they act like I’m an inconvenience now because I ask for more than I would before I learned that I had a high risk pregnancy.
For example, I asked if they could do and ultrasound when we are there to check amniotic fluid levels since we will miss a week prior and that would make me feel better. They went on about how my insurance may not cover it, so I offered to pay out of pocket but they couldn’t tell me how much it would cost.. I was like what? How could you not be able to find that out? I feel like they just don’t want to do it. Then they tell me their sonographer is out because she was in a car accident and may not even be back by my appointment. I told them I was so sorry for her accident but questioned if they didn’t have another sonographer to fill in? So of course they said they will call her and find out exactly when she plans to be back, all while making me feel like I’m a bother. I’m sorry, I just want what’s best for my baby!
I have zero intention of delivering there and want to deliver in Little Rock. But, I’m keeping the relationship with her office in case I go into labor and I’m not in LR. But, I wish I could just cut them out completely and insure I wouldn’t go into labor until induced with the LR doctors.
As far as me being gloomy, it’s probably a combination of a lot of factors; stress of the high risk pregnancy, stress of weekly check ins from family with basically the same information, (I know they all just care but I feel like they just want to hear “everything is okay and perfect and no need to worry, but I tell them the truth, things look good now but we have to keep monitoring in case that change, or they just want to talk about God and pray with me and beg me to put my faith in God or Jesus...), friends aren’t calling because I think they don’t know what to say and that stresses them out, the stress of feeling like I can’t plan or predict anything, knowing the good news could turn bad at any moment, the on top of that I’m finally feeling the woes of 2020; covid numbers are rising dramatically in my part of the state, people are at each other’s throats because the city has made a mandatory mask in public law and some people feel their rights are being infringed to be made to wear it (there are exceptions for children and people who can’t wear them for medical reasons), black lives matter movement is causing major disagreements between myself and my father in law (who is an old school white male who’s kind of racist in my opinion but he doesn’t feel that way), and as a public school educator I don’t have any idea what my work will look like next year.
The school I work at is huge, 2400 students and 200 faculty and 30-50 other staff on any given day. The majority of my students are minorities who live in poverty, live in extended family homes, and whose parents are essential workers in the food processing industry. Their community has been hit the hardest by covid and the CDC came this week to help. So all
I can think about is how if I have to go to the building when I have an infant son at home who has respiratory issues, I’m putting him at a huge risk and I definitely don’t want to do that. And, similarly I don’t want him in daycare! So I’m considering taking a leave of absence, which is %100 unpaid, and non insured.. putting all of that financial burden on my husband.
Obviously, just a lot of stuff on my mind causing me stress. I know I need to let all the other things go and only focus on my son, it’s just difficult. I’m a passionate person and I don’t want to sit on the sidelines when I feel
I should be advocating change. (This is not a political post btw, just me expressing my reasons for feeling stressed).
**Deep Breath** I know I can do this, just need some more positive energy to take over. Thank you all for caring. I hope none of you are feeling this stressed!!