Thank you stariebird11
. I think I need luck with Ahriman
)... He scares me too, most of the time. I know I shouldn't be afraid of him, but you can not stop thinking what kind of God he is and what if you make a small mistake and he gets angry? But then again, he never really showed me something that could make me feel like this toward him, even if I do and I can't help it...
And it was good talking to my boyfriend about my worries and everything else, even if there are more things to be clarified (but we both have our part of guilt in this story). We don't have a bad relationship or something like that. The only problem is that he is very insensitive to everything around him, and I am way too sensitive for my own good and on top of that I am agoraphobic, which means I can't do many things with him (like going out to a movie), because I rarely get out of the house and when I do, 90% of that time it doesn't end good ... And this was one of the causes why I thought we should separate... But talking to him was the best thing I could do on the moment. And I was quite impress how exactly you interpreted my dream (this kind of things still amazes me
and you are awesome
)... It's like magic
, first I would like to say thank you, for making time and gave me a reply to my post.
You might be right about Ahriman and Selene. Honestly, I didn't thought about making such a connection between them, because I always felt that Ahriman wants to replace Selene (maybe it was just my imagination because of what he is). I tried once more to call for her, but instead of her coming, Ahriman was the one who came. I have the feeling that because of his nature, probably his vanity, he wants to be the one who will predominate in my life or my faith. But even so, they seem to understand each other very well. I didn't felt any negative energy between them. I guess,if I take this in consideration, your theory is much more appropriate than mine
I don't know if it makes any sense with the tail, because I am not an evil person and I definitively will choose good over evil any time if I will have to choose. Like any other person, I do have a good part and a bad one, but our choices are the ones who define us eventually and I don't like to even think that I might do something bad that would make me consider myself as being evil. This only referring to the tail interpretation as having evil intentions. I do feel closer to the dark side of things, but I would never do something to hurt others.
One of the main things I think Ahriman chose me is because I have this inclination toward the dark side. Is something I had since I was little, but is an inclination which is within the good logic and good reasoning, which means I know how to make the difference between what is universally good and what is bad. So I think I can cut that interpretation from the list.
I would more agree with the second interpretation you have made. But then, you might be right again, because sometimes when you are angry and upset about something that made you feel really hurt, you might have thoughts you didn't even think you can possible think. So still, bad intentions exist no matter if you are good or bad. Sometimes, you just think them even if you don't want to. The tail issue is really something I have to think deeply because it dominated most of my thoughts since I had the dream and even the dream.
I don't know on the moment what I'll do about Ahriman (if I understood your last question well), but I started to accept him and this is a start. With Selene was always different. She was always closer to my heart. Since I was little I believed in her existence and I would always say to anyone that I see her on the moon and I would talk to her very often. Even if no one believed me because all my family is Christian, I still believed in Selene and I never let go of my faith in her.
However, yesterday I was thinking about things I never really wanted to relate with Ahriman. For example, my mother told me many times that when she was little, until she had me, she was followed by an evil entity that she described as looking in the same way as Ahriman (my mother is a christian, but she was the one who raised me with different values and not in the christian spirit and taught me to believe in magic... ). Sometimes that evil entity would appear to her as a huge shadow with horns and red eyes. Afterwards, when I was five I started to have strange dreams with a beast that was chasing me inside a labyrinth. These dreams I had almost every night and is one of the only things I remember from that age. At age of seven I started to be followed by a shadow with horns and red eyes, just like my mother. It would appear to me being day or night and when I would sleep, that beast would be in my dreams always playing with me inside the labyrinth. It never hurt me or anything but it was there and when the dreams stopped years later, the memories of what I dreamed followed me everywhere. Even now I have times when I think about them.
Also at the age of seven, I started to talk with this entity (beast) and my mother asked me several times with who I was talking to. I always said to her that with no one. The thing is that after a few years I had a huge fight with this "entity" that was chasing me and I remember yelling at it to leave me alone. After that, dreams stopped and I stopped seeing the shadow. Then, when I was in high school, I started to have dreams again and be very interested in Ahriman. He appeared in one of my dreams, so I started to write a novel because that is what I felt doing, which I stopped writing it soon after, because of the things I saw every time I was writing his name. It just gave me chills.
But the thing is that when I told my mother about what happened to me, it was strange that she experienced, more or less the same things with the shadow. So, yesterday while this came to my mind... I started to think that what if Ahriman chose me before I was even born? I have the feeling that he was the one who followed me or my mother. The descriptions are to exactly to not think it was him. And thinking about the beast I dreamed when I was little and the image from the previous dream... It's actually the same... And why would he shown himself to my mother? And if it was really him, what would that mean?
Well...sorry for the immense amount of words. I guess I got carried away by talking about Ahriman
)... But since I started to accept him, I find more and more connections between him and the events from my life. And it's strange that I never thought about them before...