I'd like to start by saying that this is my first post, so please forgive me for any mistakes or typos!
To prelude, I had this dream in december of last year, and even that morning of, the exact details are fuzzy. But despite that, it has stuck with me, and every time I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes. Though to be honest, I have no clue why it has that effect.
I had just gotten into meditation proper, and made the decision to try and reach out to my Spirit, asking for proof of existence (dumb move, I know.) So i put in my headphones, turned on music, and got comfortable. This is in bed, since its the only way I can get privacy and quiet. I went through the whole standard routine of relaxing, imagining holding a white light, all the fun stuff. I then mentally asked the universe to show me my Spirit, to show me proof that this is the path I'm ment to be on. After a bit, I suppose I fell asleep, because it started getting weird.
The white orb I started with turned into a Crystal ball, made of what looked like white quartz. It mesmerized me. Then, it started to change. What looked like almost black lightning shot through the sphere, and left black lines all through it. This enchanted me even more. It felt heavy, and important. Then my chest got heavy, and it felt hard to breathe. I heard a whisper behind me, or maybe in my head, telling me the sphere was my soul.
The details after this get fuzzy, but a ghoulish figure appeared in front of me, bringing a wind with it. It wasn't threatening, and it felt like I've seen it before. Still finding it hard to breath, my consciousness shifted. What followed was flashing images of places I knew in my heart, but couldn't remember. The figure stayed in front of me as the images and scenery changed, saying things I can't remember. Between flashes, I would start to wake up, unable to move or breathe, but begging for it to stop. I clearly remember saying "please stop" over and over every time I woke up. The figure said at one point that I had asked for this. Which I suppose I did.
This went on, until I eventually truly woke up, at about 5 in the morning. I was cold, soaked in sweat, and crying.
Since this event, I can't stop thinking about that Crystal Ball. Its like a pull in my chest, a longing for it. And I also believe I've spoken to my guide since, just in a less intrusive way. Is anyone able or willing to offer insight? As I said, this has stuck with me, and I feel like I need clarity in the matter.