Hello I'm back, again.

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illbehere
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 1:25 pm
Gender: Male

Hello I'm back, again.

Post by illbehere »

I was here a long time ago, when a lot of OG members I knew were still around. Maybe they've changed usernames or maybe they've just left but I don't see them here anymore.

I've lurked for a long time like a shadow of sorts, watching and reading but not practicing because of my own fear.

If you didn't know me before I started my journey in 2011. I was a shy, timid teenager that never really fit in and I thought of magic as a harry potter fantasy. So when I found out it was real I studied so hard I had help from so many OG members who were very patient with me and taught me as much as possible. I ignored a lot of the advice around every website and kinda just did my own thing. I met a druid who was an absolute gem of a man, I befriended many people who I sadly eventually lost contact with due to my facebook and whatsapp both being hacked.

The reason I stopped my journey was because things got real. Everything I was predicting with cards came true both good and bad, my spells were strong and I believe at that time since I was so young this all made me cocky. Cockyness led me to dabble in darker magic I have no reason for it and regret ever doing it because although my predictions and strength were scary, things after dark magic were scarier. Birds flew into my window constantly, I couldn't be in moving vehicles because birds would aim for us. I felt weird presences, I couldn't enter my kitchen because being in that room made me feel trapped. Everything just felt wrong. So I sought out advice on how to undo anything bad I had done and once I had done everything to get rid of it all I got rid of my alter and let Wicca leave my life.

Finally I feel ready again to bring it back.

I was about 15/16 when I started I think? I'm 22 almost 23 right now and I'm finally mature enough to allow this side of me to exist again and to never delve into the darker part of myself ever again because things really do come back onto you threefold as I valuably learned.

I'm a boy, I'm Irish, living in the capital of Ireland (Dublin), I love animals and nature, I work in a beauty store, and I like makeup a lot I have an instagram dedicated to it I like to think I'm good at it.

I love my life, but feel like there's a hole in me, like something has been missing since I gave up Wicca. I still told my parents I identify as a witch even to this day they know I will always view myself as such even without practicing and they respect that.

I don't know where to begin, again? when I was younger I had more time, and a house that was quiet. This house isn't quiet due to roommates and that makes meditation etc very hard. I want to get back to how I felt back then. I felt just this pure attunement with nature. When I felt a breeze through my fingers I felt like it was giving me energy. I loved feeling so in tune with my inner self and want that back.

So any help on where to restart completely from scratch would be great, I tried joining groups on facebook but they all just post cute pictures about holidays, rituals etc but even though all these groups say beginners I don't see any beginners posting asking questions getting help etc and all these groups seem perfectly okay with allowing and helping people practice the darker side of magic which I don't feel comfortable with understandably.

So, hello again and thank you for reading

BB )O(
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SpiritTalker
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Location: Earth temporarily

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by SpiritTalker »

Hi and welcome back. Sounds like you've learned some important lessons over a few short years, and knew when to quit. Too many don't have the sense. Hmm...you don't need basic how-to WC obviously. Reintroducing yourself to Nature in brief solitary walks may be a gentle way to restart. Involve as many different landscapes as are available to stretch your legs: city, rural, raw nature anyplace, grass grows :) . Letting yourself reconnect thru your senses, both physical and psychic, to Nature's rhythms and subtle (or not so subtle) ways and listening. Don't "do" any magical acts. Just listen. Be selective. Separate bird songs from traffic and from each other's voices. Hear & taste the wind. Regaining your center balance is about all I could suggest. Do a kind of elemental balance check on your system occasionally, and add-to lower energies, not take-away from the stronger one's to keep balance in check. When you trust your center balance you'll probably know what next steps to take. Grounding, centering & shielding are basic practices to hone down those fluctuating wild frequencies we can generate.

You could take a look at the topic "getting started" written for new comers, in the Witchcraft and Wicca 101-the Basics section and see if anything there might be useful. It is basic & observes The Wiccan Reed.
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illbehere
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 1:25 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by illbehere »

Thank you. I definitely have. True, it was hard to make the decision and I didn't want to but a lot of friends told me I should take a break so I took a break and realized I needed time to grow up before allowing it back into my life and I think I'm mature enough now. In a few years I might look back at this post and think wow I was still immature but you never know until you take the steps. Sadly right now its extremely unsafe to walk alone, there's been some bad incidents lately around my whole country but my birthdays soon and I'm heading to wicklow and if everything goes to plan I'll get to hike up a mountain with alpacas and then drink wine so nature stuff all round. I would probably benefit from getting started thank you, I'll take a look. I'd like to pretend I retained even a shred of my previous knowledge but I didn't it's a blank slate in my mind. I don't even remember how to cast a circle, I never really practiced grounding,centering,shielding and I'm not sure what they mean. I'm mentally starting from scratch, i know im not ready for spells yet so I'll just read as much as i can I guess. Really excited to be exploring this side of myself again after so long
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Firebird
Site Admin
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Joined: Tue May 10, 2011 12:03 am
Gender: Female
Location: So. Cal.

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by Firebird »

I remember you!
Welcome back :fairy:
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
:mrgreen:
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Lord_of_Nightmares
Posts: 861
Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2015 9:26 pm
Gender: Transgender Man
Location: 9th layer of the underworld
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Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by Lord_of_Nightmares »

Hello and welcome. I love your picture. I too felt something missing when I left Wicca. Glad your back and I am here to help if you need it. I know about dark arts, but my experiences are a bit different.
illbehere wrote: I'm a boy, I'm Irish, living in the capital of Ireland (Dublin), I love animals and nature, I work in a beauty store, and I like makeup a lot I have an instagram dedicated to it I like to think I'm good at it.

[....]
BB )O(
Omg, please be my friend on instagram. I don't have good cosmetic skills, but I am always experimenting.
I am the Earth, The Sun and the Stars
And I am the also the Moon
I am all animal and birds,
And I am the outcast as well, and the thief
I am the low person of dreadful deeds,
And the great person of excellent deeds
I am Female. I am Male and I am Neuter.
- Devi
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illbehere
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 1:25 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by illbehere »

Always glad to be remembered.

I definitely wouldn't be interested in any dark arts anymore but I respect your path despite that. My insta is ThatBeautyBoy I mainly just post makeup stuff so don't be too dissappointed by the lack of witchy stuff.
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Lord_of_Nightmares
Posts: 861
Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2015 9:26 pm
Gender: Transgender Man
Location: 9th layer of the underworld
Contact:

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by Lord_of_Nightmares »

Oh, I am fine with that. I have interests in other things outside of witchcraft. :) My insta is not that witchy either.
I am the Earth, The Sun and the Stars
And I am the also the Moon
I am all animal and birds,
And I am the outcast as well, and the thief
I am the low person of dreadful deeds,
And the great person of excellent deeds
I am Female. I am Male and I am Neuter.
- Devi
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EveningWithAstaroth
Posts: 142
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2017 12:23 am
Gender: Female
Location: Maine

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by EveningWithAstaroth »

illbehere wrote:I was here a long time ago, when a lot of OG members I knew were still around. Maybe they've changed usernames or maybe they've just left but I don't see them here anymore.

I've lurked for a long time like a shadow of sorts, watching and reading but not practicing because of my own fear.

If you didn't know me before I started my journey in 2011. I was a shy, timid teenager that never really fit in and I thought of magic as a harry potter fantasy. So when I found out it was real I studied so hard I had help from so many OG members who were very patient with me and taught me as much as possible. I ignored a lot of the advice around every website and kinda just did my own thing. I met a druid who was an absolute gem of a man, I befriended many people who I sadly eventually lost contact with due to my facebook and whatsapp both being hacked.

The reason I stopped my journey was because things got real. Everything I was predicting with cards came true both good and bad, my spells were strong and I believe at that time since I was so young this all made me cocky. Cockyness led me to dabble in darker magic I have no reason for it and regret ever doing it because although my predictions and strength were scary, things after dark magic were scarier. Birds flew into my window constantly, I couldn't be in moving vehicles because birds would aim for us. I felt weird presences, I couldn't enter my kitchen because being in that room made me feel trapped. Everything just felt wrong. So I sought out advice on how to undo anything bad I had done and once I had done everything to get rid of it all I got rid of my alter and let Wicca leave my life.

Finally I feel ready again to bring it back.

I was about 15/16 when I started I think? I'm 22 almost 23 right now and I'm finally mature enough to allow this side of me to exist again and to never delve into the darker part of myself ever again because things really do come back onto you threefold as I valuably learned.

I'm a boy, I'm Irish, living in the capital of Ireland (Dublin), I love animals and nature, I work in a beauty store, and I like makeup a lot I have an instagram dedicated to it I like to think I'm good at it.

I love my life, but feel like there's a hole in me, like something has been missing since I gave up Wicca. I still told my parents I identify as a witch even to this day they know I will always view myself as such even without practicing and they respect that.

I don't know where to begin, again? when I was younger I had more time, and a house that was quiet. This house isn't quiet due to roommates and that makes meditation etc very hard. I want to get back to how I felt back then. I felt just this pure attunement with nature. When I felt a breeze through my fingers I felt like it was giving me energy. I loved feeling so in tune with my inner self and want that back.

So any help on where to restart completely from scratch would be great, I tried joining groups on facebook but they all just post cute pictures about holidays, rituals etc but even though all these groups say beginners I don't see any beginners posting asking questions getting help etc and all these groups seem perfectly okay with allowing and helping people practice the darker side of magic which I don't feel comfortable with understandably.

So, hello again and thank you for reading

BB )O(
Welcome back. It is very good to see old members return.

There are few posts years back that offer valuable information by past members- that I would love to see return.

I do not know how to offer advice on the whole dark arts aspect of your post as I personally am not opposed to working with darker energies. This for me is not due so much with witchcraft but more so with Native practices. What Europe calls Shamanism- and seems to have want of dominating and owning the word- but what here in the West is called Medicine Man or Woman, or Native American Spirituality.

It isn't a fluffy path.

In many ways if something dark happens to come to me- at me, I can not control this.

That is another way of saying due to the spiritual path I was initiated into I have to deal with darker energies if they come to me, whether I actually like it or not, whether I grimace or not.

It isn't like I said a fluffy path.

I understand completely that you do not wish to deal with dark magic. I emphasize with this.

And for your sake, I wish for you that you never again have to.

My advice with how you say you are starting over, I read in your post you completely dismantled your altar- How great!- I dismantle and change my own constantly- perhaps when you are ready, start slowly on working on your personal altar again if you eventually feel inclined? Add the things you as a new witch, with a self determined new path relate to now. Add the things you love that you as an individual relate more to now, than you did then.

We all change and grow-daily.

The you that you are today is not the same you that you were when you were sixteen. And will not remain the next you that you will become in the next year or two.

This I feel, is a blessing.

I do suggest reading around here at the forum as well as elsewhere about the craft and acclimate yourself back slowly. Do not worry, enjoy learning, and take your time. When you are ready again to cast spells trust your instinct. You will know.

Take is easy, enjoy learning, and have faith in yourself.

Yes you had experience with the darker arts in the past. The past is exactly that, the past.

Have faith that you are capable indeed of extraordinary good.

All my best to you, and again, welcome back!
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Ashrend
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2017 9:06 am
Gender: Male
Location: Devon

Re: Hello I'm back, again.

Post by Ashrend »

Hi, I have only been a witch for about a year and a half now so I haven't met you before but it's a pleasure to have you back with us. Like others have said it sounds like you did the right thing and are now capable of trying it again, like how someone inexperienced may try to do a car stunt and hurt themselves, you've healed over time and come back to approach it differently. I do recommend looking up grounding, centering and shielding as that is a great way to protect yourself and cleanse yourself to be able to participate in meditation and spell making again when your ready without worry of negative forces harming you or your life. From the time I have been on this forum many people have been helpful and shaped me as a witch to become more knowledgeable and less of an idiot. If you ever want to post a question do it without hesitation as we will all help and pitch in are thoughts . Welcome home
Last edited by Firebird on Wed May 09, 2018 11:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Ashrend, please remove Tapatalk advertisment
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