The harmonious crow (that's me!)

[theharmoniouscrow]

I am a born and raised (for the first 35 years of my life) South African, I am married to an American and we are living (currently!) in Germany. I have traveled more than most, all over the world, but I've never stayed anywhere for longer than a month, until I married my husband and moved to Germany to be with him.
We have three beautiful "fur children" (3 big dogs) that we adopted/rescued at various times during our stay here in Europe (the most recent being April of this year - 2015) and no plans for human kids, really.

I was born and raised Roman Catholic, until I started "asking too many questions" around age 10 to 13. Luckily, our parish priest was a very open-minded and straight forward man (Flemish, actually) and he tried his best to answer me - his answers simply led me to want to leave religion (man-made) in the dust. I thought it was a load of BS what men had decided to include and exclude from the bible, and all the dogma etc.

So for the last 25 years or more (can't say with surety when it really started properly) I have been a quiet and non-vocal anti-theist. Then I met my amazing husband about 6 or 7 years ago (online - but not what you think - happy to tell that long story if anyone wants to hear it) and he went from Episcopalian (raised) to atheist, after many long discussions with me and my friends (his friends were not really "awake" to other possibilities at the time he found answers to his questions, while my friends were/are older and more experienced and well read and open-minded) and I could finally talk openly with someone about all my questions and issues and the information I'd gleaned from various sources.

All my life I've been very centered in Nature. I was a loner (not an only child, but my older brother and I were/are very solitary/independent kinds of people) and spent 99% of my time on my own, doing my own thing, and most of that was outside. If I was inside, it was usually reading - everything from history books to mathematical journals to science fiction and fantasy novels.

I loved being around animals and the ocean and forests and mountains and rivers. Where I initially grew up we had all this, and more. I befriended mountain lions and brought home an endless stream of wounded animals to heal and release (including snakes and lizards, much to my mother's horror!) and in all time that I was most drawn to black birds... crows the most special to me. I was also an avid horse lover. We couldn't afford a horse, and most of the time we couldn't even afford lessons, but I found ways to be around horses and to ride and learn from them and with them. I cleaned stables and tack, I helped out at feed shops, and things like that. I was a very determined young girl.

But most prominent in my mind (that I can recall) are crows. I've always been drawn to them. Ravens I like as well, but there were many more crows (African Piebald or Hooded crows) where I lived, so they were my focus. I fed them, rescued them, healed them and just spent time around them and I would normally have a small murder following me around whenever I was out exploring by myself.
Then I got a little older, and some bad things happened, and I retreated into myself for many years. Barely registered anything - even horses and crows.

I tried to make friends, and be "normal" but I was always the "weird girl" and I eventually came to accept that I didn't fit in with most groups, and I didn't really care. I liked (and still like) my own company. A few years after leaving school, I got a job and I could afford to ride a horse a few times a week. I slowly began to come back to the land of Now. Horses brought me back.
Unfortunately, after many years of riding and quite a few nasty accidents, I finally had a really bad accident and it knocked the socks off me (actually, it knocked the teeth out of my mouth, but that's more detail than necessary - if you want to hear THAT story, you can also ask me) and I had a very bad TBI (traumatic brain injury) and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and I struggled to stay "myself" for a few years after that. I was very lost, and very numb to the world.

I got right back on the horse, of course, as soon as I could (a mere 3 months after the accident - people thought I was CRAZY! And I guess I was, a little bit) and horses once again brought me through some terrible times. I had a long period of quiet contentment - I quit my high stress (well paying) IT job and set out on my own to follow my photographic dreams. I did this for over 6 years, became quite successful and well known, and toward the end of that time I met my husband and a few years after that we got married, and a year after that I moved to Germany to join him there.
About 2 weeks after settling in to our home in Germany - I couldn't work at that point due to various laws, so I was a "stay at home" - I started seeing and hearing crows again. Lots and lots of crows. Everywhere.

I started walking outside quite a bit, I fed them with scraps and left them shiny things, and pretty soon I had a small following once again. Saw a few horses, in the distance, but nothing captured me quite like the crows. Black crows, with small bits of white on their wings or chests. Beautiful.

We moved around in Germany and we've been in this place for the last 2 years and I've had the crows bring me their youngsters to "meet" and I have a morning "date" with an older crow, who I named Basil.

Two or three weeks ago, I had a strange dream. It was filled with black feathers and the kaw kaw of crows and the moon was full and bright. I felt like I was both bird and also myself. As if I was covered in feathers, all up my arms, but also a silvery skinned version of myself, in the moonlight. I carried a bow, I think, but that might have been something else. I really can't recall that much.

When I woke up, at about 2 in the morning, I immediately got online and began looking up The Morrigan, and the Goddess, and Wicca, and the Moon and Paganism and everything else that was associated with all that information. One site led to another and one book led to another. I read voraciously for hours and hours and bought a whole load of books and I'm still reading. My husband was away at the time so he didn't see me in my informational dream-fueled fury, so he is not aware of my tentative steps on my new Path. He knows I have been reading about it all, but I have told him (for now) that it's just a new interest and I'm still learning. Which is true. I'm still not sure where I'm going in all this, or what my next steps are. He's a very non-judgmental person, I know he would be totally open to my new ideals, but I'm not ready to share my little epiphany just yet.

So now I'm here. Looking. I think I was called? I don't know. It sounds pretentious of me, but I am trying to be open-minded as well, and not be so cynical (which I am very, by the way, and also very sarcastic) and think that "things like this" don't happen to me.
I was hoping for thoughts, discussion, guidance, or acknowledgement or agreement from others who have felt/seen/heard/been through something similar.

Thanks for reading! I tend to waffle!

Thank you, and ... what's the saying? Blessed Be?

[Becks]

What an adventurer! I had similar experiences growing up in the Catholic tradition. I had very similar reservations as well. I'm glad you're here and that you have the courage to follow your heart on your path. See you around.

[YanaKhan]

Welcome aboard.

[dualhands]

Welcome to the forum!!!

[SnowCat]

Welcome. I started questioning Catholicism at around that same age. No one but you, can say for sure if you were called. I think it's a possibility. Further exploration should provide you with an answer.

SnowCat

[Naudia Threng]

I.
Must.
Hear.
The.
Long.
Story.

[Vesca]

Welcome to the forum.

[theharmoniouscrow]

What an adventurer! I had similar experiences growing up in the Catholic tradition. I had very similar reservations as well. I'm glad you're here and that you have the courage to follow your heart on your path. See you around.

Thank you, and I hope I have the courage too!

[theharmoniouscrow]

Welcome aboard.

Thank you, Cap'n

[theharmoniouscrow]

Welcome to the forum!!!

Thank you, and I love your profile photo

[theharmoniouscrow]

Welcome. I started questioning Catholicism at around that same age. No one but you, can say for sure if you were called. I think it's a possibility. Further exploration should provide you with an answer.

SnowCat

Yes, I'm starting to see that in this Path, I have to make my own decisions (hard for a Libra!)
I dove right in that morning, and I'm still exploring all options.

Thanks for the welcome!

[theharmoniouscrow]

I.
Must.
Hear.
The.
Long.
Story.

About meeting my husband, or my crazy accident?


If you want, I can send you a message?

[theharmoniouscrow]

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you!

[Naudia Threng]

I.
Must.
Hear.
The.
Long.
Story.

About meeting my husband, or my crazy accident?


If you want, I can send you a message?

Is both an acceptable answer?

[theharmoniouscrow]

I.
Must.
Hear.
The.
Long.
Story.

About meeting my husband, or my crazy accident?


If you want, I can send you a message?

Is both an acceptable answer?

Hah! Of course
I will send you a message shortly... but it will be long!