How to Become Spiritually Alive Again

[SilverAntlers]

A while back last month, tezmouse started a topic on exactly what I wanted to ask of all about today. Tezmouse's topic was called "How to Come Back from Being Spiritually Dead" if any of you want to read it for yourselves.
A good majority of you don't know much about me since I'm pretty new to the forum, but I used to be a Christian until 2 years ago. The doubts and skepticism I had had in my mind for years finally came to a head and I realized that no matter how much I may have wanted to believe in what I had been taught since I was a kid, I just couldn't any more. I switched back and forth from being an atheist to an agnostic a lot in those two years. But something still lingered, and something just didn't feel right. I began to read up on other world religions even more, and at some point (I don't remember exactly when) I came across Wicca. That's why I'm here now.
I'm not sure why I came to Wicca for answers. I'm not sure if I still actually believe that higher powers exist, or that there is an afterlife, or if it's just because I want to belong to a spiritual community again like I did when I was Christian.
I'm also still not 18. No one else knows about any of this. I still go to church and don the mask of Christianity. I still sing the worship songs on Sundays, I still bow my head and close my eyes when we pray, and I still go to my church's youth group. The problem is that I feel no connection to any of it. I don't feel like someone up above is listening when I sing those songs, or when I pray. I want to believe, and that's why I still purposefully involve myself in the church.
All of this is the same with Wicca. I really, really want to believe. I thought the second I tried to communicate to the God and Goddess that I would feel the same way that I did 2 years ago and that I would get the spiritual connection that I want so much. Nothing. I feel the same way I do at church every time that I try to.
I've taken some of the advice that I've read here and listened for the God and Goddess to call out to me instead of the other way around, but still nothing. I would really appreciate it if some of you could give me advice on how to make me "spiritually alive" again.

[SpiritTalker]

What draws me to witchcraft is that Deity is within, not up above. There is a god-spot inside of us, that everything else hangs on. To me, all gods and goddesses are One, and we relate to various aspects or personalities, but we live from the center, which has 10,000 names.

It might help to think that religion does not have to be an "either or" choice, not a this-or-that, but more of this-AND-that. We grow by adding on and expanding on what we learn.

Keep asking, inside yourself, at those times when you feel "blah", for the link to open. There is Something inside us that wants to connect. It is two-way, with longing and desire on both sides. We don't have to name it, just lay down our resistance and let it happen without expectations, on it's terms. It's like in the film "Field of Dreams" if you build it, they will come.

[Heartsong]

I think that everyone has a different way that they connect to spirituality. If you haven't checkout out Xiao Rong's excellent post, "Paganism: When There Aren't Any Gods", I highly recommend giving it a read.

While many people feel a spiritual connection with their god(s), it's not like that for everyone. It's not just about believing in this deity or that one, and our spirituality can't be limited to only interactions with the divine, in my opinion. What helps me feel spiritual is just being outside barefoot and breathing. I feel in sync with the earth when I do that, and it's a more profound experience for me than anything else, communicating with my gods included. I feel physically and spiritually alive, energized and that's what works for me. What does make you feel alive, though? When do you feel most alive? For a lot of people, it's asking these questions that leads them to what works for them on a spiritual level, and I think that's because it's when we do feel alive that we have our spiritual experiences.

Don't feel discouraged if you don't feel a personal connection to deities of any faith. That's ok. There are numerous pagans (and followers of other religions) out there that are 100% atheist and still find a way to feel spiritually fulfilled. The real trick is being able to figure out how to maintain that feeling because the causes can change as we go through life.

[Amaranth3]

I LOVE what SpiritTalker said, totally how I feel too. The Divine is within us, we are a part of it and they a part of us.
I left Christianity about 9 years ago and let me tell you the guilt and fear that clung to me for the two years after that sucked! When you believe in something and then you realize it wasn't what you had been taught to believe it is crushing to your soul/being.
Give yourself time to heal from whatever had been eating at you about Christianity.
What I did after I started looking into Wicca(I never stopped believing in a Divinity but knew it wasn't what I had been taught) I formed a list. It was a list of What I Believe, What I Do Not Believe, and What I Am Unsure Of. That really helped me on my journey to understanding myself and my spirituality. Remember spirituality is a journey and its not always an even path. The Divine is in you.

[SilverAntlers]

Thanks for the replies, I'm very grateful that people care enough to help me out. All of your suggestions were helpful. I also wrote up a list like you suggested, Amaranth. Right now it looks something like this:
What I Believe:
Spiritually is necessary for a good life
Humans are inherently good, not evil
Evolution is true
Divinity is in each of us
What I Don't Believe:
Jesus Christ is my Savior
That the Judeo-Christian God exists
Hell
Biblical laws and listed sins
Biblical Miracles
That Jesus Christ was the son of God (a great teacher and prophet, but not divine)
What I Am Unsure Of:
That any physical, real deity of any kind exists
What happens after death
Intelligent Design
Prayer
It's extremely vague, but that's only because its like I'm standing at a crossroads with thousands of different paths right now. Since Wicca and Paganism in general has caught my attention, I would like to know of any spiritual activities I can practice that don't involve direct contact with the God or the Goddess. Maybe by developing more spiritually I can eventually connect with them if they do exist. I'm trying to take small steps first before anything drastic, almost like testing the water with one foot first, before I jump in. I already know a lot about this religion (or set of religions if you prefer), and any spiritual practices you can suggest would be helpful. Thanks for all the help so far.

[corvidus]

Spiritually is necessary for a good life [. . .] any spiritual practices you can suggest would be helpful. Thanks for all the help so far.

This really depends on your definition of 'spirituality'. It could be as simple as opening the heart center in reverence and love towards all things, or as complicated as completely rearranging your perspective of the universe.

[SilverAntlers]

Sorry if I caused any confusion. What I meant was that by beginning some practices, I might be able to come into contact with Deity and if there were any spiritual practices that I could try aside from meditation. Of course, I could be reading into this too much, and "spiritual practices" might only be things like meditation, nature walks, and journaling. Someone I know suggested practicing chants. Anyone know of anything similar to these things that I could try?

[SpiritTalker]

There's an old saying: "contemplate your naval." It has huge layers of meaning and can only be found by doing so.

Also, to take something in we have to get rid of the blocks and stinky stuff stuck on us. Cleansing rituals and practices are the intent and should be standard daily do's.

Silver antlers, I notice that your list if beliefs and questions is all head stuff, things you have reasoned out. Where's your heart at? What can you feel?

[AllJet]

Since Wicca and Paganism in general has caught my attention, I would like to know of any spiritual activities I can practice that don't involve direct contact with the God or the Goddess. Maybe by developing more spiritually I can eventually connect with them if they do exist.

There are lots of spiritual or semi-spiritual activities you can do that don't involve worship or the Gods. Like meditation, yoga, dream analysis/lucid dreaming/astral projection, developing psychic awareness and abilities, service to self (like self-development, self-care), service to others (volunteering), any of the arts such as writing stories or poetry, painting, drawing, being in nature, going off into your own little world via imagination or remote viewing. Learning Reiki helped to enhance and broaden my spirituality. There's a lot that you can do, and almost anything can be spiritual if you think about the reasoning behind it, and focus on the intention behind it. I would suggest to read as much as possible, and when you find something that starts to intrigue you, go from there.

[SilverAntlers]

Thanks for all the replies you guys, I really appreciate it. I'm still exploring all of the paths (and there are a lot!) and will definitely try out some of the rituals and techniques you mentioned.