Okay, lemmie just.. Jump in here and lay down some tyre spikes to try and stop your mind from running off any further, or at least slow it down for a second..
Apologies if that seems rude, but as far as I can tell by reading the posts you've made both here, and to Tigerlily asking for readings, your mind seems to be running off in all directions at top-speed with no clear objective or destination in sight..
I mean, yes, ultimately your mind seems to have the goal of 'perfection' - i.e. a state in which your ex-flatmate has forgiven you and everything with your boyfriend is fine.. But it seems to be desperately searching for that state of perfection in <b>all the wrong places</b>. I think that, ideally, it needs to do an about turn.. Come back to base.. And re-evaulate its strategy
As far as I've been able to discern, the problems you're having seem to lie largely in your mind. It seems to me that it wishes and strives for everything to be 'correct', and as it should be.. When, really, life is rarely that simple. Sure, perhaps for a short period things are all fine n dandy.. But, more often than not, things take a turn for the worst at some point or another. It's at this point you need to stop and take a moment to think.. N I mean <b>really</b> think about everything that's going on.. Then develop a way of 'coping' or 'dealing' with what's happening, whilst at the same time understanding that things may never return to that happy and 'perfect' state they were in before..
I know that might not be a nice thought.. No, in fact, it's probably downright horrible and uncomfortable.. But that's okay. There'll always be people to help you through the uncomfortable stages of life (people like us, for instance.. Complete strangers, wanting to help you
), until things balance back into equilibrium. Yes, on occasion this may mean that things return to as they were.. But, by the same merit, they may end up completely different. For some reason, many people seem afraid of change. I say - Don't be afraid.. Embrace it! Sometimes it's through this change that the greatest things can happen. It may make you a stronger person, it may make you a happier person.. But you'll never know until you accept that <b>change is happening all the time - whether we want it to or not</b>.
I suggest you sit down on your own, in a quiet place, and relax.. Meditate.. Read a book.. Listen to music.. Do whatever you know you really enjoy doing, and that'll really help you relax. Hell, go shopping, or sit in a really hot, bubbly bath if that'll relax you
. Just take a step back.. Look at your situation.. And try to understand that the future may not be how you expected it. Even with spells, and readings, and 'magick'.. You aren't going to be able to stop change from happening when it's already set on its course.
Excuse the length of this post, or however rambly it may seem. I hope it helps in some way, and I hope that you take my advice and just try to re-evaluate your situation. Understand that your boyfriend's idea of the future may differ from yours, and as hard as it may be.. You may have to accept that in order to move on and live your life.