My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

[L.J.Hex]

In a week I'm thirty five years old.... I have had a lot of girlfriends, short and long relationships and I seem to be cursed with break ups and ups and downs and constant change. I'm tired of it. I don't want to switch partners like a shirt, I have walked that road and had enough. I want to marry someone and have kids and live happily ever after. I'm sik of uncertainty and endless disappointments.

I dated this absolutely awesome Croatian girl for almost a year, met IRL twice and then its all chat + video calls and all this. Everything was great, perfect. Better than what I could have dreamed of. She's 22 years old, stunningly beautiful, very smart and busy with doing things. A good listener, loves all the same things in life as I do.... I even bought her a ring with the famous question and she said yes.

But now it seems all those pretty words and perfection was just a dream. I know, the distance is huge, neither of us sit on a pile of money and we have busy lives with lot of stuff to do. But everything worked, it was the perfect match and we both agreed to take our time, no matter what effort it takes.

I guess in the end she didn't feel as strongly as I did. She left me today. Explanation was no money, very little time and changes of meeting each other and for now wants just to be friends. I noticed something change about a month ago, not so many pretty words, quiet days without even texting me, all in all it felt bit stagnant and as if the love is gone. I understand that in a way.... But after all the promises of a future together, all beautiful words and deeds. She treated me so well, better than any woman before. I was so certain that this is it.

And in minutes it was all gone.... I feel empty and almost cheated as I trusted her so much that she truly loves me the way I love her. If there's anything positive about this, I'm quite good at dealing with heart ache, I've seen this happen before. But I'm such an optimist when I'm in love that I'm totally blind even if the ugly truth is right in front of me and then I end up being hurt.

I also know that I'm not the most perfect partner either. I'm unemployed penniless musician, that's not the optimal caretaker and husband for sure. I guess no other good sides just are good enough then.

I don't know what to think, what to do. I have been crying my eyes out. I feel empty. At least I don't need to feel band for seeing who ever I want, but that thought doesn't make me really happy right now. I need to a shoulder to cry against so I can forget.

I don't want a broken heart again.

[L.J.Hex]

By the way... As it goes with me, I had a hunch of this yesterday. One of those similar to hurting my leg and so on about which I talked on another thread. I shrugged it off as "don't ya dare to think something stupid like that" but it persisted.

I feel so sad and empty. :/

[SpiritTalker]

No useless words. Just a smothering huge hug sent your way.

[L.J.Hex]

Thanks SpiritTalker. You're always so kind.

[L.J.Hex]

The whole thing about my relationships is so ironic...

I get a lot of attention from women when ever I'm out there somewhere. I have had it happen many times that a girl falls for me without me doing anything, just out of the blue. I never stay single for a long time even when I'm not looking for it, it just happens like that... A month or two goes by and bang, I notice that I'm suddenly dating someone.

But then they don't last, some have, but no the way I would like it to be. When I was younger I was quite wild, I cheated and did lot of stupid things, I didn't always treat my girlfriends with the respect they no doubt deserved. But I've grown up a lot since those days and I always put all the effort in what I possibly can... And yet they just keep on leaving me.

And I can say that I'm not even close to the worst partner ever, mostly quite the opposite although I have my issues, nobody's perfect. I have been left several times because of how "uncertain" and on the move I am. A penniless musician is not the most stable partner for sure, its just the nature of this stuff. But isn't there a nice girl who could live with it? To me it starts to look like when I'm faithful, smart and nice in every way possible, I get left. Earlier when I was dumb as heck and didn't care that much, those things lasted way longer. Why is this? Its so difficult as women are the biggest mystery in the universe.

Its hard to get my head around what's the problem, what am I not doing right for it to last. I guess I must be a bad partner in some ways, there's nothing else I can think of. Of course this time there was the distance and lack o time & money etc., which are valid reasons to slow down a bit. But still, after everything being so perfect....

I don't understand. Is it my curse to find one girlfriend after another, fall in love and then be broken time and again? I'm sure there's a lesson in this I must learn, there must be a reason. Its been this same stuff since I was fifteen and I'm fed up with it. I wonder if my life isn't about getting a wife and a family and living happily ever after. Perhaps I'm just not meant for it, who knows....

I don't know if I'll ever get an answer or a solution to this. I certainly hope so as every time this happens my faith into a lasting relationship erodes a bit. And also faith into myself as a partner.

[Firebird]

I'm so sorry Hex, it sucks to be heartbroken. Big hug frm me.
I'm curios as to how you make ends meet if you are pennyless. When the googly feeling start to wane and reality sets in, that really may be of issue for some ladies. Elest you find someone who is financially independent and can take care of you both.
Please feel free to PM me if you would like to cry.
Bessing to you Hex
Firebird

[L.J.Hex]

I'm so sorry Hex, it sucks to be heartbroken. Big hug frm me.
I'm curios as to how you make ends meet if you are pennyless. When the googly feeling start to wane and reality sets in, that really may be of issue for some ladies. Elest you find someone who is financially independent and can take care of you both.
Please feel free to PM me if you would like to cry.
Bessing to you Hex
Firebird

Being penniless was a metaphor, I'm not starving or living under a bridge or in a forest, I'm coming along ok. The point is that I'm "penniless" to pay for having a family or anybody else except for me and my dog. Music doesn't pay, specially my kind of music. I'm not expecting that, but perhaps some other people do?

Also I can't afford to have a long distance relationship, that's the thing, neither does she... There's always a long wait ahead no matter how to do it. I'm quite certain that is probably the biggest problem. But I guess its all past now. At least for now, could be a smart decision too to not put all the eggs in one basket. But its so difficult, I can't change my love for someone. Its out of my control. No matter what makes sense and what doesn't

[Astro Logical 1]

I'm an empath and it hurts to read this. Dude I know where you're at. It sucks.
Just remember that even with all the conflicting fwelings and reasoning to try making sense of it all, your worth isn't measured by the value any one person can place on you. Even if that person is you.
It's always a blessing in disguise when someone we think is right for us lets go, because it wasn't true.
And it hurts because you're emotionally available. That's something that is so rare these days.
Stay in love with yourself, without vanity, and your soul mate will still find you.

[L.J.Hex]

I'm an empath and it hurts to read this. Dude I know where you're at. It sucks.
Just remember that even with all the conflicting fwelings and reasoning to try making sense of it all, your worth isn't measured by the value any one person can place on you. Even if that person is you.
It's always a blessing in disguise when someone we think is right for us lets go, because it wasn't true.
And it hurts because you're emotionally available. That's something that is so rare these days.
Stay in love with yourself, without vanity, and your soul mate will still find you.

Thanks.

To be honest, I'm not even sure if she actually left me because this has happened before and soon she was back. But this time I don't want allow her to break my heart again. Its so difficult to take it and I really do not want to date someone who can't decide where to go and keeps going back and forth.

I've had things like this before, but she is the first one who I "took back" in a way... Usually if they can't decide, I let them go and not look back. Lets see what happens, one thing I'm sure about, I don't want to be hurt again for being so much in love with someone who keeps changing their mind.

[Lenaleanna]

Hex, I am so sorry to hear about your broken heart!!! Blessings of brighter days ahead... I know you aren't the only man who has this issue. My son has a friend who is in his mid 20's (Yes, he is much younger and has time) has NO problem getting girlfriends, it's the keeping them- mostly because of his job- his choice of an occupation is a Professional MotoCross Racing- he travels all over the USA to race and is gone a lot. Most of the time the girlfriends think he is cheating on them- especially when girls will be at the races, wanting his autograph, pictures with him and such... He's a GREAT guy but we can see he will have the same "luck" in the future... unless he changes jobs... and I don't see him doing that anytime soon... He is very sensitive and wants to settle down with the same woman and have a family.

I so hope you are feeling better, I know it's hard!!!
Bright Blessings- and Hugs!!! Xoxox
Lena

[barker]

Cope best you might.

When relationships die truth is created and ultimately the cycle will repeat... ever and ever more uniquely... until your in heaven or wherever you plan to go.

[L.J.Hex]

Thanks for your replies.

Lena, that sound quite a bit like my "problem", although I'm not on tour and playing gigs all the time... Dating who ever who's travelling all over the place all the time is quite troublesome. I would just want to end this stupidity of constantly changing girlfriends, actually that's not the good way of putting it as its not me changing them, its them leaving me... I don't want to have someone for a year or two and then have to build things up from zero again. With my now ex, I have had to build things up again about three times inside a year. I was thinking of this last night and I counted four times she went from me being the love of her life to just a friend in a blink of an eye. And very soon she had changed her mind again. But this time it felt different.

I'm just so tired of it. Thank gods I have friends.

[barker]

Cope best you might.

When relationships die truth is created and ultimately the cycle will repeat... ever and ever more uniquely... until your in heaven or wherever you plan to go.

By the way, "soulmates" stay with you. So it ain't just a case of cycling through new partners. If this ex is not that, your a step closer in'nit.

[L.J.Hex]

That's a very nice way to put it.

[L.J.Hex]

Thank you all for your replies. Its been very nice to have such a support. You're awesome.

I'm feeling a bit better about the whole situation already. I've got lot of support from my friends in real life too, I was surprised. Funny thing happened, so many came to talk to me without knowing what was going on, just the kind of people who I wanted to talk with. The universe works in mysterious manner.

Also I have a friend with whom I was planning a date with before things changed... I'm talking with her again. One thing's for certain, I wont be in a rush to start seriously dating anyone right now. Enough heart ache already. But to have kind of friends with benefits type of thing would be just awesome. I've had that before and it worked really well. It seems that might be what's coming up with the girl I'm talking with now. I'm sure some fun time and intimacy will heal the wounds to an extent. At very least it will give me time to think of nicer things and forget the pain for a while.