My mom........i've got a problem

[AfootFuzzball]

My mom recently found out I've been studying wicca and have decided to becoe a wiccan. I talked about it with my sister who I thought I could tell anything to, but apparently I can't. My mom is a FANATICAL christian,who just married a pastor.(He's the fire and brimstone type that yells when they preach and just talks about how stuffs not christian and how certain people are going to hell). I live with my dad, but have to visit my mom this weekend. She doesn't know that I know about my sister telling her, but she told my dad,and me and him can talk about anything so he told me. Yeah, just thought I'd share that. Any advice on things I can say when she's preaching at me this weekend about how wicca is satanism(she actually told my dad that lol).

P.S. On top of all of this my sister told my mom about how I smoke(I'm 16 so technically it's illegal and my mom has a big problem with it). I'm also going to be nagged about that this weekend too.

[NightRose]

Well, I think the best you can do is explain what it is exactly that you believe. Explain the law of three. Explain that you don't even believe in satan, let alone worship him. Explain "harm none."

But, I can honestly tell you...if they are as zealous as you say, they probably won't listen. Stand up for what you believe in, but also remember that to them, anything that doesn't worship the Christian God is Satanism. Especially since Wicca believes in multiple gods, which goes against one of the commandments.

Being 16, you're put at a hard place. You aren't old enough to leave the situation and make a stand. I don't know what the circumstances are with your parents divorce, but it sounds like, for the next 2 years, you're going to have to see your mom and her new husband. Remember that when you have this talk. And also remember: when you start yelling, people stop listening. So stay calm. It's going to be hard, but don't turn this into a "bring the house down" fight, even if they do.

As for the smoking, well...sorry, but it is illegal. Also, it is your parents' job to look out for you, so telling you not to do illegal things is just part of that job.

[Greymalkin]

The best advice I give you is not to make a drama out of this. You can't control how other people react but you can control how you react.
Treat it in a very matter-of-fact kind of way. If your mother and her husband want to yell and shout, that's up to them, but you don't need to do the same.
If you get a chance to get a word in by all means expalin to them what your beliefs are. If you believe in three fold return then explain that, if you reject the notion of the devil, then explain that too.

Don't get involved in a 'point scoring' argument though, and above all else don't say bad things about their religion. If you start bad mouthing christianity that will just re-enforce all the misguided notions they already have.

The most important thing though is to make sure you're not apologetic about your religion. You have to remember, christians are very well versed in their religion and use that knowledge to their advantage. If they see that you're not so sure about yours they will use that against you.
So make sure you know what you're talking about otherwise you'll just seem like a rebellious kid who's just kicking back.

As for the smoking - I can't really comment on that because in Britain smoking is legal at 16. I didn't realise the law was different in the states.

Good luck with everything. Let us know how it went after the weekend.

[[ShadowPhoenix]]

About smoking...it is bad for you (from one smoker to another) As far as dealing with your mother...don't shout. Don't show anger, tell her of the wiccan rede, "Do as ye will, an harm ye none". In other words, tell her that it means that you may do as you wish, so long as it doesn't cause harm to anyone in any way. Compare it to the golden rule if you will. Bring up karma...unlike the christian religion, we have a system of beliefs that we KNOW we will be punished usually shortly after a wrong-doing, instead of waiting til we die... Given your age...you don't HAVE to see her, it's the same situation with my dad...assuming the state laws are similar. After 12 the child can decide whether or not they want to see the other parent. I chose not to see him. It's a painful thing...to sever ties with family members, however, sometimes it is a necessity.

[Greymalkin]

I forgot to say in my last post, as far as your beliefs are concerned you're not doing anything illegal - just something they don't approve of. Don't let them make you feel like it's illegal.

Also, don't let the emotional blackmail get to you. After they have tried to shout it out of you they will (your Mother especially) will try the emotional tactic. Stay strong and keep focused.

[AfootFuzzball]

Thanks you guys. About the yelling at her part, after many years of fighting with her I've mastered the whole"stay calm and keep your voice down" thing because I was tired of her yelling at me and telling me I had a "tone". About the whole parent situation, I just moved in with my dad 3 months ago because I was tired of putting up with her crap. My dad's pretty accepting. When he asked about wicca, I started to describe it to him and when I made it to the Do as ye will, an harm ye none part, he was like, so you can do whatever you want as long as you don't hurt anyone? I think I'm a wiccan! I'm glad he's atleast being accepting of this though.

[AP670]

If its not to late, tell me what you expect to hear, I'll tell you the most logical, reasonable, and polite reply.

[Father Oak]

I hate to tell you man but the best advice I've gotten on that subject is "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink". You can tell your mom whatever you like. If she goes for it is entirely up to her. As for the smoking thing though... I've been there.

[AP670]

Smoking keeps the american economy afloat. I pay shy of $8 for a product that cost $1 ish to make. The goverment makes $7ish off me every pack...you see where I am going with this...

[rainysoul]

The American economy would do just fine without tobacco, and a huge junk of those taxes goes to pay for the medicare/medicaid of people that can't afford all the health problems smoking causes, but that discussion should really go somewhere else.

You can't argue with your mom about smoking. Its illegal, and you don't have a leg to stand on, and if you're dad lets you, she can try and get him in trouble with it. If she even suspects your dad knows you can have police investingating him about it.

Don't argue religion. Its not worth the argument. You can ask your mom if she'd like to discuss it, maybe go to lunch, or a walk in the park, try and get her one on one. The pastor is probably not going to be that open minded if he's the "hellfire and brimstone" type. Like Grey said, many of them know their stuff, you can't win. If you get a chance, I'd say something like, I respect your beliefs even if I don't share them, please do the same for me.

Before you leave, do a cleansing ritual and ground yourself. Try and stay focused and calm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take what comes. I'll send some strength on reserve, if you feel yourself needing some help keeping calm and on your path, just reach out.

Best of luck and love to you, you'll do well.

[rainysoul]

Sorry about your sister as well. Trying to mend the trust might not be easy, but she probably meant well.

[AP670]

The American economy would do just fine without tobacco, and a huge junk of those taxes goes to pay for the medicare/medicaid of people that can't afford all the health problems smoking causes, but that discussion should really go somewhere else.

You can't argue with your mom about smoking. Its illegal, and you don't have a leg to stand on, and if you're dad lets you, she can try and get him in trouble with it. If she even suspects your dad knows you can have police investingating him about it.

Don't argue religion. Its not worth the argument. You can ask your mom if she'd like to discuss it, maybe go to lunch, or a walk in the park, try and get her one on one. The pastor is probably not going to be that open minded if he's the "hellfire and brimstone" type. Like Grey said, many of them know their stuff, you can't win. If you get a chance, I'd say something like, I respect your beliefs even if I don't share them, please do the same for me.

Before you leave, do a cleansing ritual and ground yourself. Try and stay focused and calm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take what comes. I'll send some strength on reserve, if you feel yourself needing some help keeping calm and on your path, just reach out.

Best of luck and love to you, you'll do well.

It is not illegal for him to smoke. Illegal to buy sell or give him cigaretts, but damn it, he can smoke.

[AP670]

Don't argue religion. Its not worth the argument. You can ask your mom if she'd like to discuss it, maybe go to lunch, or a walk in the park, try and get her one on one. The pastor is probably not going to be that open minded if he's the "hellfire and brimstone" type. Like Grey said, many of them know their stuff, you can't win. If you get a chance, I'd say something like, I respect your beliefs even if I don't share them, please do the same for me.

haha, if only. Try it first though. If that fails, just catch em off guard. I was gonna tell him the trump cards"

one of my favorites, if God is everywhere, and hell is the absence of God, then how/where does hell exist...so either hell doesn't exist, or god is not transcendent. Either way the Bible made a mistake. lol be back with more.

*atheist and debater shift*

[AP670]

The American economy would do just fine without tobacco, and a huge junk of those taxes goes to pay for the medicare/medicaid of people that can't afford all the health problems smoking causes, but that discussion should really go somewhere else.

You can't argue with your mom about smoking. Its illegal, and you don't have a leg to stand on, and if you're dad lets you, she can try and get him in trouble with it. If she even suspects your dad knows you can have police investingating him about it.

Don't argue religion. Its not worth the argument. You can ask your mom if she'd like to discuss it, maybe go to lunch, or a walk in the park, try and get her one on one. The pastor is probably not going to be that open minded if he's the "hellfire and brimstone" type. Like Grey said, many of them know their stuff, you can't win. If you get a chance, I'd say something like, I respect your beliefs even if I don't share them, please do the same for me.

Before you leave, do a cleansing ritual and ground yourself. Try and stay focused and calm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take what comes. I'll send some strength on reserve, if you feel yourself needing some help keeping calm and on your path, just reach out.

Best of luck and love to you, you'll do well.

It is not illegal for him to smoke. Illegal to buy sell or give him cigaretts, but damn it, he can smoke.

she can try and get him in trouble with it. If she even suspects your dad knows you can have police investingating him about it.

Again not true, he can smoke. Heck cops cant even take your ciggaretts away. Well I am sure their is a point where they would/could, but it is not 16. However, this being your mom, you might just want to smile and nood, but if you have to say something, i'd go with that.

[AfootFuzzball]

If its not to late, tell me what you expect to hear, I'll tell you the most logical, reasonable, and polite reply.

Well so far she's already told my dad that it's satanic( I already know how to argue that). I expect to hear her try to prove the bible right to me. Nomatter what I say she won't listen, that's just how she is. Back when I lived with her I went to a youthgroup because I had a bunch of friends in it and they did alot of fun things and didn't force the bible down your throat, she actually banned me from going there because they didn't believe EXACTLY what she does. She and my step dad had lunch with my old youth pastor to "discuss" this. Apparently they went and told him about how wrong his beliefs were, wouldn't listen to any of his points, and said he was a heritic. Then i was going to go to another youthgroup in the area, my step dad called the youthpastor, they had such a heated arguement the youthpastor had to stop writing his sermon because he was so pissed, then my mom lied and said she was the one to talk to him and that I wasn't allowed to go. I told her that my step dad is the one calling the shots because of all this and she said denied he even talked to the youthpastor.