Having a bad anxiety attack

[Pinkpower_80]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong forum to post this but I'm in need of some healing prayers right now.
I have a really hard time with panic, anxiety & depression. I fight hard against it but sometimes it just gets to me. It's to the point that I rarely get out of my house anymore.
Right now is one of those hard times. It's been a really painful & stressful day so my defenses are down right now.
It doesn't help that my kids are acting like, well, kids lol. My mind is so overwhelmed at the moment & I just feel like I'm spinning out of control.
To top it off I'm in a lot of pain from an infection in my jaw. Ugh I just want to cry right now.

[Firebird]

Sending you light Pink....
and consider when we are stressed and anxious we are not likely breathing well. So try to center (if possible) but most of all... breath. Take at least 3 - 9 really deep cleansing breaths. Mozart is an excellent way to unwind and it mends the brain.
Anyway ...just a thought, you are definitely in my prayers.
Firebird

[Pinkpower_80]

Thank you so much Firebird. I love Mozart & lots of other classical music. I have lots on my laptop & phone. Lately my favorite thing to listen to is meditation music with water sounds, especially the ocean. I listen to it on pandora radio all the time, especially when I'm having those moments.
Most of the time it really works but today was just one of those days! I'm having a lot of trouble keeping my moods & emotions stabilized lately due to switching anti-convulsive meds. I'm bipolar (or so they say ) so the meds generally help with that too.
I was on the same one with no adverse effects for 4 years up until April when out of the blue I developed an intolerance to it.
My neurologist put me on a new one that I had to go off of last month due to it upsetting my stomach to the point of bleeding. Now I'm not on anything for seizures or bipolar.
I'm just so down on myself lately, a lot of it having to do with chemical imbalances. It's so frustrating!
I don't want to be medicated but I don't want to feel like this either.
I just want to be a good mom & I feel like I'm hindering myself because I'm so moody. & my brain gets so overwhelmed very easily.

[Alura Noel]

'

Have you tried abdominal breathing? It really helps with anxiety. Sometimes I can get very anxious about silly things and even with reassuring myself in my head everything is fine, my body still reacts (sweaty, racing heartbeat, panicky).
"Tummy" breathing really helped to calm me down and relax my body.

This video describes it a little but I haven't been able to find a video that describes it well. Basically, you breathe through your nose slowly, filling your stomach up with air first then your chest (My therapist suggested to do it where the chest is filled too but some people say not to fill the chest as much). Then letting the air out from your nose or mouth; first from your chest, then your stomach. Then repeating. It feels awkward and forced at first but with practice it starts to feel normal and very relaxing. Best thing to help reduce anxiety bouts for me personally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3a7Nh1RqGS0


Also, I had this CD, Breathe: Anxiety Relief Breathing Exercises by Shann Vander Leek for breathing exercises and it was really helpful for me.


'

[Xiao Rong]

Sorry to hear that, Pink. Sending good vibes your way ... And don't be so hard on yourself - it's not your fault you feel this way, and negative self-talk ain't helping! Any way you can get someone to take care of the kids while you take a breather?

[Pinkpower_80]

Thank you Alura, I'm doing that right now & you're right it does help!

Xiao, a lot of times my mom will keep my 3 year old for a few days when I'm feeling really bad & overwhelmed. She actually had to come get her one evening last week because I was a total wreck. She had planned on keeping her Saturday-Monday for me but she called me today & said she doubts she can because she has plans, which is a rare thing for her so I'm glad she's doing something for herself.
The boys are gone to their biological mother's every other weekend. Since they start school on Monday they're not going this weekend. It's not her time anyway.
My 7 year old daughter lives with her dad now so she's rarely here, which is a constant source of heartbreak for me. He got (stole) custody of her at one of the worst times of my life. She was only 15 months old & now he plays power games with me over her. I was in a deep dark grief & mourning over the loss of our son plus i Was in a wheelchair at the time. His mother convinced him that when I got better I was going to run away with her. I never would've done that but he took advantage of my weakened state & pretty much have her to his mother. She already stayed there a lot when I broke my back but they underhandedly took her there & wouldn't give her back. This was before we even split up. He didn't want to have to take care of her while I was sick & help with the household things. All he did was go to work, come home & play video games. I was far from perfect but I didn't deserve to have my baby girl stolen from me.
She's happy & well adjusted so I don't want to make her life harder. I just do what I can for her, which lately isn't much.
I'm pretty much always surrounded by kids lol. I love them though & would rather have the craziness than not have them around.
Sorry for the long post. I guess I just need to get some of this out. I usually hold most of it in now.

My mom is pretty much my only family & she is my angel.

[SnowCat]

Ouch! Feeling your pain with jaw infection. Been there and done that. Don't give up on yourself or the meds. Psychotropic meds can be difficult to keep adjusted, but you may just need to keep trying different ones. In any case, it's not like you decided to have a chemical imbalance. Your post tells me that you actually have yourself pretty well together. But you have some really big speed bumps to get over. Keep plugging.

Frosty

[Firebird]

Lithium
yum.... have you tried that?

Snow is right on,... you are on the right track, and it may take time. Bless your Mom

Also I want to say if you are having this much trouble with the people you were supposed to be able to rely on, it's no wonder you are having anxiety. Do take care of yourself first, and do something that makes you happy .
Blessings, Firebird