I want my life back!

[Zili]

I know this is going to sound very selfish of me but I want my life back. My step-son's god mother lived with us for two weeks after she tried to cut her wrists, she didn't even scratch hard enough to mark the surface for more than a few minutes, all because she had stress from work not giving her enough hours. I understand that she's got day to day life issues that we all face I've been there and done that. She got on meds for her depression. My boyfriend just left the house about 30 minutes ago because she decided to od on over the counter naproxen, 17 of them no harm done really, took one of her antidepressants like she's supposed to, but then chased it all down with alcohol. Ever since I moved in with my boyfriend and my step-son I don't have a life. I expected my life to change as I'm now a mother, but I didn't expect to be mothering a woman who is a year older than me.

She's screaming for attention, that's all she's doing. Well not only did my boyfriend take it seriously, someone else she texted did too and they called the cops. Police arrived at the woman's apartment just before my boyfriend arrived, they took her to the hospital with my boyfriend following because they wanted the full story from someone in the right frame of mind.

What's on this gal's nerve now you ask? Her boyfriend broke up with her, apparently though she was so in love with him she could forgive him for cheating (that's his story at least) and he also said that he was breaking up with her to protect her from his evil ex who has been harassing and threatening her for the last couple of months.

I'm sorry but she barely knows this guy she's dated him for 3 months or so? Long distance mostly and their relationship mainly consists of sex.... she's become obsessed with him. She's got an over-whelming fear of being alone so now she's screaming for attention to feel like she's being cared for.






I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! First the roommates, then cps, then the god mother and its still going....................I'm 24 I can't be a mother to a 25 year old who should know better! I just cant! When she lived with us I was the one waking her butt up when she asked to be woken up, never once did she set the alarm on her phone, I made her breakfast lunch and my boyfriend is in charge of dinner, we at least had her vacuum the living room on the weekends when we do our chores, it was the least she could do. She never emptied the litter from her sugar glider's cage...they are still in their own filth because rather than coming to get her pets back now that she's back in town from visiting her mother while her mother went through surgery, she decided to go on a date with a girl she just started talking to.... well her "date" plan was to bring her date to her ex boyfriend's house in a neighboring town just to show him what he was missing.... and here I am taking care of her pets for her??? Not only that but one of the damn glider's got out of the cage because she never secured the top door and woke me up night before last, I had to capture him and stuff him back in the cage and then secure it closed......getting 51 damn scratches from the jerk.

She just got herself a new job thanks to me and my boyfriend driving her around town to her interviews, and us paying for some work pants at khols (i had to drag her butt with me to do the shopping for her even!) but hasn't even started yet because of her mom's medical issues..............she got an eviction notice from her apartments, because she couldn't pay rent and she has until next week to start paying again....... and she pulls this stunt, and brought home another dog (she already has one dog and the gliders) she can't afford to feed herself or her pets, begging us to buy her pet food. Because she was staying with us for two weeks and not helping out financially we over spent and rather than having half of our bills paid by now we're trying to make ends meet, we finally had to tap what we had saved for our rent after we almost drained my bank account. This is because we paid for all the food for the 4 of us, her cell phone bill, her pants for work, gas to drive her to her dr appointments, and to her apartment just so she could see her dog her room mate was taking care of, and food for her pets. We have other expenses such as diapers we have to pay for and baby wipes.... yet we're caring for her.

After tonight she'll have to be released into someone's care that will be taking care of her medical needs.......... we already have bills coming our way due to my emergency room visit for almost breaking my finger! It caused me a lot of stress when she was with us last time to the point that michael and i were sleeping in separate beds because we couldn't stop fighting. I cannot go through that again, but none of her other friends are willing to step up and michael has too big of a heart for his friends.

at one point when she was going to lose the apartment he offered up our place for her to move into with her dog even though we just moved my cat in, my cat does not get along with small hyper dogs (plus her dog hates michael) we also just got to the point where all of our stuff was out of the baby's room and he could play in there safe and sound, when she came to live with us for what was only supposed to be 3 days (but turned into 2 weeks) we had to move the baby's crib to our master bedroom, our top mattress to the living room floor, and our bottom mattress to the baby's old room so she could stay in there and not be disturbed by michael waking up early for work at 7am.

I'm sorry but I cannot give up my home and my sanity to this woman again. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and send vibes to my boyfriend encouraging him not to let her live with us again. Other than that I have no idea what I can do to keep her from leaching off of us.

[Black_Tail]

Oi. I think you and hub need to think of your family first. An unstable woman is not good to have around a baby. Your guy seems like a good man, wants to save and help as many as possible, but he needs to step up and not force his family into a bad situation each time someone comes around. There are more ways to help people than encouraging their irrational behavior. Z, you are the woman of the house, you have the right to say 'no' and protect the well being of your family. Its a big step to make and you have to have the equal power of your man beside you. And since this is really worrying/bothering you, he needs to take that into account if he wants you in his life.

[Zili]

He came home last night in agreement that she cannot stay here and we cannot care for her. He feels bad for her, and maybe more so than anyone else would, she is his "one that got away" but when she left for her mother's he realized he never had the same feelings for her that he has for me........last night at the hospital though, he realized that she's still in love with him. That being said the only thing we are going to do for her is if she calls saying she's been released from the hospital and needs a ride home I'm giving her back her things (minus her pets until she can control herself no need to make them suffer) and taking her to her apartment, and leave her there.

Its 11 am though so I doubt she's getting released. Knowing her, because we did take care of her, she's going to want us to do it again but Michael agrees we just simply can't do it anymore he's worried about the finances, until we went to bed at 1 or 2 am when I told him emotionally I cannot handle that woman's bullshit anymore, now he understands that it was screwing with me the stress of caring for a woman who refuses to grow up.

[Black_Tail]

Good. Seems like you guys are gonna make it through. ^^ I'm happy for you. If you need anyone to council her pets let me know.

[lovelysue]

Hi Zili,

Very good decision. I have to admit - I do like to be well taken care of by my own boyfriend. Had a very difficult childhood and kind of expect my boyfriend to be a loving parent.

For this reason - I feel sad for this 25 year old child. She desperately wants attention (scratching her wrists to be the center of attention speaks volumes) and she wants parental love (someone to wake her up, to bring her to the candy shop, to dead her bedtime stories - just like a small child would love to) she might not have had.

What I also see is that - she does not have the life she wants - the job, the boyfriend. And this is sad.

With that said - you are absolutely right- it's none of your business to a mother to anyone else but your own children. Simply - it is very sad to not have the parenting love and still grow up as all grown ups should do BUT it is her responsibility to be her own parent and GROW UP until she meets the prince of her dreams and share her HUNGER for attention and possibly for love with somebody who is hungry to give love.

A piece advice - how you can protect yourself from getting sucked into her drama.
1. visualize a mirror right in front of you when she's facing you, or when you think about her. That mirror projects back everything she projects onto you. So - the drama will backfire and you will not be involuntary participant
2. this is kind of - advanced: send her love with no strings attached Imagine you are sending her way the winds of opportunity or love, or justice ... Can you imagine that? With images and everything ? ... that IS strings attached .
No strings attached means - imagine that you are only sending her way the wind that helps her boat to sail through life. You don't necessarily name the boat and you don't necessarily help with the sailing of her boat. You just send the wind.

[Zili]

thanks for the advice there lovelysue I'll have to use the mirror one for a while until she herself is ready to begin to build or buy that boat