Red moon shrouded into black clouds, everynight adventures

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CloudedMoon
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:08 am

Red moon shrouded into black clouds, everynight adventures

Post by CloudedMoon »

About a time to start the dream journal. My choice to start this whole journal is to get past those damn unexplainable and vague fears that prevent me from making my life more fulfilling.

Last... well, it wasn't night any longer but morning. I've noticed myself requiring so much more sleep during how long the therapy has lasted, kind of trying to figure my inner prison out and heal the roots. Once again I found myself in that familiar scenario of war hitting my country. I've never lived anywhere close to a battlefield unless on emotional level younghood experiences of bullying count. This wasn't about bullying though, but real political ones, at least how those wars are in my dreams. Back in my younhood I used to have dreams of my home city and family home being ravaged by war, becoming like ghost towns. If I had a family of animals, they were killed regardless of my actions trying to protect them. If I yelled my parents for help (like a helpless child I felt), I had to realize they aren't there nor they are ever coming. In the end I always died too, that's how I woke up.
Sometimes the parents were there and we still lived together, as if packing our stuff up in order to escape a storm (or war) that'd hit our homes... there are no such big storms in my country, but in dreams all that follows the reality we know seems to be just for looks, not for what'd happen.

Now in the recent dream the home wasn't any longer where we physically lived. There was some political conflict though that was at brink of escalating into a war. I was worried sick about the family dogs, trying to keep them together just so I could catch them anytime we'd have to leave while parents would just let them play even if they'd run off. I followed what was happening in the city we were living in, the weather was cloudy and getting more rainy. There were lots of workmen, police and few soldiers on the streets, although nobody would admit it, I could sense they were preparing for a war. Since I wouldn't be able to become a soldier and fight like them, the best option was to flee. I tried making my parents to listen, even convince them to make a back-up plan where we'd go if the war would happen, but they just dismissed me.
In the dream I was a grown up I am today, but once again felt like a little child trapped in an adult body. With no resources to leave on my own but wanting to save myself. Being like an emotional hostage, as if I should always be their codependent little child and not have permission to live my own life. Feels bull****, being equal to them legally as it is in North Europe but emotionally being on the level of what women are in Africa or India at worst. While in normal daily interaction I would have exploded and rebelled at them, in the dream I just kept trying. When I stepped into the car my dad was driving, again I tried convincing him, all I got was a vague but witty answer that he'd consider it. Mom was coming behind us on her own car. I don't remember where we were headed but guess, once again, home to run that normal daily routine.

I gotta admit, during few recent days I have tried to resolve my insecurities about taking charge of my life and making choices that would matter in long term instead of wasting time on things that wouldn't. At least I know what's the trap within my subconscious. Now I just gotta convince myself to believe I have the power to disassemble it without disatrous outcomes.
CloudedMoon
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:08 am

Re: Red moon shrouded into black clouds, everynight adventur

Post by CloudedMoon »

Haunted houses dream again, damn it.

I don't remember chronological order of the happenings, there were two parts in this.

I was living the daily stuff in my current hometown. My schedule was much as if it was a holiday of some sort, I just wandered around and was looking for something new by walking familiar and less familiar road around this place. I've walked this one path through a wild hayfield in a dream before, but this time I wasn't trying to pass it before the storm would arise and find out what's in the end of the road - the weather was just cloudy and all was calm. I don't remember how but apparently I arrived into an old abandoned underground mansion. There were a group of people in, mom had collected a voluntary work party to clean it up or something (something I couldn't see mom doing in real life). There was a part where I walked among the voluntary work group in the mansion and told mom to not go downstairs since I was worried the upper floor would collapse and we'd all die.
The corridors and rooms on the floor below were slowly being buried in sands. During the cleaning progress I think mom was attempting to collect some old valuables on that floor before they were lost. The mansion and all stuff in it had once belonged to a man, possibly rich aristocrate who had passed long time ago, so the stuff was kind of free for taking.
I was too afraid to stay downstairs due to dangers and if not them alone, the stuffy air there made me uncomfortable. I recall the hall's floor also had some sand on it, slowly collecting. I thought I should participate the cleaning, at least do something about the hall but didn't have motivation to do more than play with our dogs since the mansion would still end up being unused. It was depressing.

In the other part I had traveled to the family cabin with the parents. This is pretty frequent dream for me (at least I'm not anymore alone yelling for parents like a helpless child and they wouldn't come), although I enjoy our cabin and the countryside overall, the area is also damn scary in dreamworld. When awake I'm more intrigued by haunted houses on the area but when I visit these places in dreams, I'm just frightened by them almost to the point I'd want to flee everytime I see them or at least look away everytime we pass them if driving or something. Most are in worse shape also, usually collapsed, windows are broken and the smell of foul swollen wood that's coming from collapsed walls is enough to keep me away.

I'm trying to figure out what these dreams symbolize for me. Unresolved emotional business is for sure but I don't know how to look at them to pinpoint the problem.
It's much like how I'm not afraid of haunted places when awake; they're just places which have left untended* when their owners have left and sometimes it can also give me artistic inspiration, but in dreams I can't even look at them without feeling horrified to the point of never wanting to come back to the area I otherwise love so much.

*In few dreams I've seen these places being ruined by war, not by pass of time when owners had moved away. Sure wars may have affected these places in the real-world history but really nothing that's still somehow standing hasn't been "ruined by war". Not sure if it has something to do with experiences of ancestors or something about the future I'm feeling but can't affect it the way I want to. I hope my dreamworld would stop playing hide-and-seek and just point out what's the real problem that needs fixing.
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