Hear me out - it’s a long story!!
After a LOT of consideration - a months worth of meditation and nearly my entire life being interested in both Magick, mysticism, and Greek Mythology, I have realized my religion lies in those of the Greek myths. As a young child I was obsessed with the famous Rick Riordon’s Percy Jackson series and EVERY subsequent series involving the Greek pantheon. As a child, I oftentimes fantasized about the claiming of said series done by the parenting deity. Although I was more interested in being the only alleged female child of Poseidon - the god of the sea. This was namely due to my severe obsession with water, waves, and sea life. My love of swimming and mermaids didn’t help either. I was also drawn to the fierceness and gentleness of Artemis, as the beauty of the moon had me in awe every night. I stargazed whenever I was able and typically ran on a sleep-in-the-day-time (when I could) schedule, as I spent the night roaming my house and reading by a small booklight my mother had gifted to me for my birthday. At my dads, we had bonfires that sometimes lasted til midnight, by my request. He’d have to drag me in because I wanted to stare at the stars and moon.
I was also drawn to the woods and wilderness and the chaotic and simultaneously orderly nature of, well, nature. I wanted to live amongst the trees and woodland creatures and abandon the civilization of grown up in. I was raised in a deeply Christian - Primitive Baptist, namely - with my dad being a proclaimed atheist. I’d say I believed as much as a wee lass could, trying every effort to bring my dad to the light, to believe as I’d been taught was right. But then my dad had a heart attack, and barely scraped through. That was the breaking point in my faith.
Every since, I had been spiraling into an unfathomable abyss of confusion regarding my religion and beliefs. I knew the basics, but still didn’t know which god or pantheon I wished to worship and actually believed in. About two months ago I, for not the first time but the most in depth one, devoted fully myself to the path of witches and the craft. About a month after practicing with an unknown energy residing in the liminal space between realms, a heavy not quite burden but I’ll use that word for lack of a better one, I caved and did a tarot spread to ask about the presence I felt.
It revealed itself to be Apollo, apparently attracted to me but the same year my dad passed, due to the strife and pain such a loss invited into my soul. I interpreted my next spread as a message that he - Apollo, that is - was here to help me find myself again. I dubiously delved into regular tarot talks with him, asking personal questions such as what his favorite color was, if he enjoyed spending time with his alleged sister Artemis, to more questions on my side of things such as did he know if my dad was happy in the afterlife and if he missed me.
Since Apollo revealed himself to me I researched until I got fed up with the very idea of Hellenic paganism and then researched some more. I’ve found my path as a Hellenic pagan. Although as I delve into the world of Parton and matron deities, I’ve been wondering if I was reading the signs and tarot’s wrong: typically, as I’ve seen on forums such as these, the deities that claim us are often those we have formed a connection with earlier on.
Therefore, I was curious as to whether I have been teaching Apollo as I’ve suspected, or if one of the other deities that I, as a child, grew up to be fascinated with may have reaching outside I just managed to read the signs wrong. So, without further ado, some of the signs I’ve been noticing as as follows
One of Apollo’s associated flowers is Lily of the Valley, aka my birth months flowers
One of my friends has an unearthly obsession with Apollo and since being told about her ideas on the god, I’ve been more and more intrigued by him
I had a dream in which a man on a throne in a dark room smiled and lit the room, revealing a woman to his left and the golden crown he wore and the silver one she wore, as well as a multitude of other deities flicking around the to thrones
Before delving into the paganistic religion aspect of witchcraft, I began to grow sunflowers due to many reasons, namely I like the aesthetic of the flowers as well as their Magick aspects and uses
One of the few early signs is my love for the bow and arrow and the art of archery, although that could be attributed to Artemis as well
I painted a label once about five weeks ago now onto a pair of pants, which just consisted of a highly stylized sun, done absentmindedly in a sleep deprived state
And many more which I choose not to elaborate on without request as it is 4AM where I live and I got off of work at 12am after working 10 hours straight with one break. So yeah I’m tired, which is why much of this may or may not make sense.
Anyway, good night and good morning from me, and thank you to those who assist me in my self doubt of the religious kind!