Help! Can a deity instill you with a fear? (Long post)

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Onlybeentenminutes
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Help! Can a deity instill you with a fear? (Long post)

Post by Onlybeentenminutes »

I'll need to include some backstory on this - and apologies if this sounds goofy, but it's all I can think of having happened? Other than, maybe a potential, coincidental, psychotic break haha,,

Anywho, I'm not a drinker - I've never even been drunk before. But I did have about a year long stint with nicotine.

About a month ago now I ended up quiting, but not necessarily due to me wanting to. I was on vacation with my girlfriend and her family, keeping up my vaping habit while there, and one night. I had a dream. A woman holding a child came to me, she sat me down in the passenger seat of a vehicle and she settled down in the driver's seat. She very flatly explained to me, as far as I can remember, that I need to quit it with the nicotine habit *or else*. And at that point it was almost as if a picture of a uterus flashed before my eyes and I knew what she was telling me. Stop or you're going to harm your chances of having children/harm your children when you have them.

And so I stopped - for about two days until we drove back home and my girlfriend started talking to me about me having stopped. She was making a lot of jabs at "You're probably not gonna last huh?" And I guess I got a little fed up and felt "Y'know, she's right." And so I started up again.

Two days after that, I'm at my home alone. My girlfriend was texting me and lets me know that she was going to drink that night with her friend.

Something had happened in those two days and I was feeling very, very low. I was contemplating if I should stick around (dark I apologise) and I had no idea where it came from.

That night as I was contemplating just, leaving this world I suppose? I stumbled across some pictures of frogs and then an actual frog when I went to take a step outside. And it felt like I could feel a physical light behind my eyes, like the sudden pain I was feeling was instantly taken away.

I had still been contemplating quitting vaping during then but I guess I wasn't ready just yet. After feeling better I headed back inside, started using the vape and texting my now tipsy girlfriend. And it was like something snapped - like I just made a horrible decision and now the world was very, very angry with me.

I went into an almost trance like state. I froze up, and suddenly I felt like I was a child again. And while I never experienced that many drunk adults in my life, memories of when I had, memories I didn't know I had, we're brought back to me. I felt so small, so helpless, so scared. All I could do was curl up and sob.

A message kept repeating in my head "I have to stop for my children, I have to stop for my children, they don't deserve to go through that"

Without thinking I took a hammer to the vape, gathered all the bottles of vape juice I had and threw it out. And kept crying.

The next morning I felt better - and i thought everything was going to be just fine. It felt like I had taken a very good step forward

And then some days go by and my girlfriend says she's drinking again with her friend. And for some reason that brought me anxiety, and then ultimately I ended up having a panic attack.

This has never happened before, but now I will consistently get extremely anxious when she drinks. I don't know if it's because it's her who is drinking or people in general.

But long story short, I think Heqet the goddess of fertility instilled me with a deepset fear of alcohol and drugs - one i did not have before, for my own good.

Any thoughts or ideas are appreciated because this is Currently consuming my life. I don't feel like these feelings are mine, it feels like I'm being told to feel this way and it's strange and causing issues.

What do you lovely people think?

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Re: Help! Can a deity instill you with a fear? (Long post)

Post by SpiritTalker »

This is a very moving personal story. My gut feeling is that your higher self is guiding you & the Goddess is behind it. Acts of love & trust aren't the easy one's.

We can only control our own choice of behaviors, not other folk's choices. Your "friend's" don't want you to quit because it makes them examine themselves. I hope you follow your guidance. Doing something simple like drinking lots of water to flush your system & detox & activity like walks when you feel despondent can help. We can't get around these things - we have to go through them to change them.

I've had panic attacks at times of life transition. My doctor told me to focus on one object right in front of me & deep breathe to calm myself. We don't need to fear crying - it's a natural function & an appropriate release during stressful change, however inconvenient. Carry Kleenex in your pocket. Who gives a fig if someone sees us cry? Hug yourself.

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Re: Help! Can a deity instill you with a fear? (Long post)

Post by SapphireRoad »

Onlybeentenminutes wrote:
That night as I was contemplating just, leaving this world I suppose? I stumbled across some pictures of frogs and then an actual frog when I went to take a step outside. And it felt like I could feel a physical light behind my eyes, like the sudden pain I was feeling was instantly taken away.

....

Any thoughts or ideas are appreciated because this is Currently consuming my life. I don't feel like these feelings are mine, it feels like I'm being told to feel this way and it's strange and causing issues.

What do you lovely people think?
Thank you for sharing. Stories like this make feel the world is full of mysteries.
I've been thinking about your story everyday, I couldn't stop, there is something there....
Your avatar picture is beautiful, flowers in arctic colours, in the world of detached ecstasy... it kinda fits your experience.

I don't think any deity would visit you just for an addiction. We hate ourselves for addictions, for that moment of giving in, but in the field of magic... smoking gives you something good and also bad. It is up to you how you transmute it.
You can also smoke herbs. I put anything that is not too rich on essential oils (I wouldn't smoke thyme or eucalyptus) but I put into mortar lavender, wormwood, dittany of Crete, violet tricolor, red willow...) and I can get legally wasted in a positive way.

You mention frogs. I don't know about the occult lore, but in life frogs eat spiders (also mosquito eggs). Spider represents the dark aspect feminine force. And entrapment by it.

Fears are induced also when people talk trash behind your back... it is a reaction of Solar Plexus as it is giving you an information, a chance to defend from the distance by warding slander:
SpiritTalker wrote:Your "friend's" don't want you to quit because it makes them examine themselves.
If you exert supreme willpower to overcome addiction, you invoke feelings of envy within them. Hence the need to defend.

In such case you can:
1. conceal your successes
2. stop seeing such people
3. imagine that you are pointing green-yellow daggers at them (green-yellow is the colour of envy also used to banish it)

As for the irrational fears, such is the world of the Goddess. You have to fight them with irrational countermeasures.
יהשוה ᛒᛟᛏᚢᛇᛋᚠᚹᛝ
"toll the Silver iterance" Elizabeth B. Browning
"Perfect till the nightingales applauded." Robert Browning
אהיה אשר אהיה

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Re: Help! Can a deity instill you with a fear? (Long post)

Post by firebirdflys »

Please listen to your dream, It sounds like you are a very strong person and when people taunt you that's where magic can get involved. You can have it bounce off or roll away from you. Peers area pressure cooker you do not need. Be yourself, do what you want. This is big and I personally commend you for taking this step. It is very hard to quit, but you can do it. I recently heard about nicotine having some very detrimental effects to the adolescent brain, (wish I had know that at 15 would have explained a lot of my behavior) https://tobaccofreeca.com/e-cigarettes/ ... ent-brain/ Vaping is too new of a product to know what the long term effects really will be. Best wishes in your quest.
BB, Firebird
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