That night as I was contemplating just, leaving this world I suppose? I stumbled across some pictures of frogs and then an actual frog when I went to take a step outside. And it felt like I could feel a physical light behind my eyes, like the sudden pain I was feeling was instantly taken away.
Any thoughts or ideas are appreciated because this is Currently consuming my life. I don't feel like these feelings are mine, it feels like I'm being told to feel this way and it's strange and causing issues.
What do you lovely people think?
Thank you for sharing. Stories like this make feel the world is full of mysteries.
I've been thinking about your story everyday, I couldn't stop, there is something there....
Your avatar picture is beautiful, flowers in arctic colours, in the world of detached ecstasy... it kinda fits your experience.
I don't think any deity would visit you just for an addiction. We hate ourselves for addictions, for that moment of giving in, but in the field of magic... smoking gives you something good and also bad. It is up to you how you transmute it.
You can also smoke herbs. I put anything that is not too rich on essential oils (I wouldn't smoke thyme or eucalyptus) but I put into mortar lavender, wormwood, dittany of Crete, violet tricolor, red willow...) and I can get legally wasted in a positive way.
You mention frogs. I don't know about the occult lore, but in life frogs eat spiders (also mosquito eggs). Spider represents the dark aspect feminine force. And entrapment by it.
Fears are induced also when people talk trash behind your back... it is a reaction of Solar Plexus as it is giving you an information, a chance to defend from the distance by warding slander:
SpiritTalker wrote:Your "friend's" don't want you to quit because it makes them examine themselves.
If you exert supreme willpower to overcome addiction, you invoke feelings of envy within them. Hence the need to defend.
In such case you can:
1. conceal your successes
2. stop seeing such people
3. imagine that you are pointing green-yellow daggers at them (green-yellow is the colour of envy also used to banish it)
As for the irrational fears, such is the world of the Goddess. You have to fight them with irrational countermeasures.