Losing my sense of the Goddess

[onyx208]

I almost feel embarrassed to be saying this. I held on so deeply to Epona. She led me to this path. But lately, I feel no sense of her. Not just a lack of feeling her presence... It's as though I don't believe in her existence anymore. It makes my heart so saddened and empty. I want to believe in her. But it feels like she simply is nothing more than make believe.

I'm trying to accept that my faith goes through waves. Maybe I will believe in her again down the line. But I am craving the feelings of joy and completion I felt when I believed in her, even when I felt distance but at least I held true that she was real.

I also want to wrap my head around the fact that I don't have to believe in a specific deity to be witchy. I can still practice my magick and rituals and all that. But honestly I've let that slide since the disbelief began because to me a personal relationship with a deity is of utmost importance.

What do you think of all this? I need advice... Where do I go from here? I know I can't force spirituality. I just feel so empty and lonely. I wish I still believed.

[Becks]

Maybe it's a bit like animal guides? Certain messengers come into my life when I need a certain message. I doubt you have been abandoned, but maybe you got that message and that connection. Maybe connection is coming to you in other forms? Could be a message from a new God/goddess? When I see your happy fur-babies I can tell you are connected.

[onyx208]

Wow- that really resonated with me. Artemis has been in the background of my mind for months now and came up in a reiki session. I've been seeing a lot of bucks lately that sing to my soul. I want to try to connect with her. Just this has given my heart a boost. Thank you.

[Becks]

Oh good! Glad to hear it. For me I have some core animal guides but then I'll just keep seeing something and I will know it's a message. Right now for me it's coleoptera-beetles...I have something similar with deities and Angels etc. Right now it's the Virgin Mary of all beings....but there's a reason for that for me right now, and I'm thankful. I'm really happy that you feel better.

[JH]

I'm sorry you're sad, baby girl! Usually, God talks to me, but for a year he's been completely silent. Demons keep pretending to be him and I keep falling for it and doing what they say and it causes trouble. Sometimes I can sense that he's here though. My husband tells me that silence is an opportunity to have faith when no one else would believe. In a really bad, lonely moment, sometimes I can see God's eyes in the sky in the clouds, or the wind tousles my hair the way I used to sense him doing it, and I just wish he would talk, but I feel better. Every so often someone will say something, and it's like he's the one who said it. I think I'm just going to wait it out and see what happens.

The really tough days are the days when I lose faith in all of it. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. That's why losing faith can make us feel a little bit lost and hopeless. It's sort of like losing evidence that life is as spectacular as we thought it would be.