I have been thinking about this. I looked up Social Manogamy, and wondered "why would people feel naturally inclined to do what goes against many of their own ethics?"Humanity was never monogamous, but the've almost always pretended, cause otherwise the society would break down. This has always been troublesome for the individuum, but strengthened the society in general.
But then I realized that we also go against consensual ethics in other areas, such as murder and abuse. Large societies have always had murders and probably even smaller societies had situations of abuse that were contrary to the ethics of that society.
So then I began thinking that anger is to murder as lust is to adultery.
Murder and abuse, unless for strategic purposes, is almost always fueled by anger--but would it be fair to equate anger to abuse? It would be illogical to say that every time anyone, including ones self, felt angry--it was the same as if they were killing or abusing someone-- yet I have been blindly equating extra-marital desire to adultery.
Anger is actually very helpful when it is worked through. Irrational anger can help you figure out if you are repressing things that need not be repressed (as stated in the description of Shadow Work that began the thread.) Anger can also show a person how they do not want to act or how we need to make changes in our lives or routines. And being angry definitely doesn't make you abusive or a killer.
Like anger, sexual desire is often directed at another person. But when you examine both anger and desire--they are not caused by external sources, but maybe are responses to the individual's observation of certain concepts. Like, when a man is attracted to a manikin, it is not the manikin who is doing it, but it is him that is associating the manikin with a concept that he desires or enjoys. Often times we think it is the object that is causing the anger or lust--but it originates within us.
I would guess that the people who are most likely to be abusive or murder someone when angry--are those people who have trouble recognizing that anger is caused from within them, rather than the object they think is angering them. If they took responsibility for their anger, and worked through it, then they might not end up harming others as much.
Likewise, maybe people are less likely to commit sexual acts against their own ethics, if they understand that their desire says more about themselves than the object they are directing it at. Maybe by listening to their desire, they can choose to make other lifestyle changes that will achieve the desired results, without having to act out sexual scenario that is contrary to their ethics, or harmful to their valuable relationships.
I think it will help me to think of sexual desire like I think of anger.
It actually does help a little to hear that Traum! I think repetition is powerful and I have heard the contrary too many times, both in stories and in other interactions. Sometimes it helps just to say things--until I start to believe them! Nice wording too--fun, good, healthy, content.Well, I could tell you it's perfectly healthy to have fun with your sexuality. That women who act with fun on their sexual feelings are indeed good and healthy and content women. But this won't help you, would it?Maybe it would help you to look out for female friends who enjoy their sexuality? If you don't have real life friends, you could join an online community.
I have one good friend who enjoys her sexuality--but not in a way that I believe in. She said to me once while we were at a party, "Don't you like the feeling of power... that any of the guys at this party would sleep with you if you wanted?" This bothered me because some of the men at the party had monogamous partners--and I don't think men are like that--she acted like all men are just drooling dogs who will chase any stick that a beautiful woman throws. Plus--this friend was the kind of friend who, in high school, would purposely go after the guy I had a crush on. And she was so comfortable with her body that once she slowly undressed in front of my boyfriend! Of course she is different now--but I still won't invite her over for dinner with my husband!
Thanks for all the good suggestions on the thread. I know it is a shadow work thread, not a "repressed sexuality" thread, so I am sorry to have written so much. But you are right--often times it is difficult to discuss sexuality with acquaintances or friends. So online is a good resource. Hopefully others will be able to benefit from our conversation--I am sure their are plenty of women who have confusions about the issues between sex and purity.
