Long distance relationship

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Annellin
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 9:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Romania

Long distance relationship

Post by Annellin »

The Story I am going to show to everyone is...complicated. We met online, and are together since then. We're trying to find a way to meet. But his family...I will need to show parts from his story to you all, for you to understand. first of all. Now he is 18, I will be 18 in oct. Both of us are blind, and... Here comes the story:
"my parents.
controlling, protective more than normal, I realised too late what they were doing.
they always took care of me, and i was too hurt and alone before to realise that it was even more, and even worse than it.
they made me dependent of them. they never allowed me to do anything, to try to do something for myself, even more if it was something dangerous.
i was talking about it yesterday with my girlfriend, I will talk about her in a bit, that the only thing that they didn't was ask if i was ok.
I mean, I'm sure that I didn't managed to hide it completely, even if i tried.
they destroyed my life in a way. I don't know how to do or use things that I am supposed to know. Forks are a crazy example.
They tried to teach me how they use it, not allowed me to learn alone the best way for me to do it.
I started to slowly change it, but I still have a long way to go.
The the thing is, that I can't even leave the house. If someone asks them, they will say that I don't do it because I want, but you will agree that it isn't true, even more if you stop to consider the fact that mother is scared to let me alone at home if they, mother, father, brother and sister, are going somewhere. even knowing that I never open to someone, even knowing that I close and lock everything. What worries me is that they think I am so safe that now when I will be 18 (next month) they will not give me my documents for me to start working and building my life.
Until last year, when I realised what was going on, I wasn't allowed to do anything, my food, etc.
I mean, they thought that I would be better if I didn't try. .
But hell I need! They will not be here forever and I need to learn, I need to know these things. Everyone does damnit.
The sad part, even worse, is that they don't do it only with me. My sister is another example. She's 23 now, and they still try to control her clothes, with who and when, the time, she goes out to have fun in the city.
It is completely annoying and wrong. She's 23, she is supposed to know what she is doing, and if she doesn't, she needs to learn, and the best way is trying and failing, making mistakes. They didn't allow me to make them, and they don't want her to make them too.
Another thing that I can see, was a result of all that happened, is that I don't have friends here, city I mean, and even online I have only a few. i don't trust people, I can't make myself to do it.
I don't want to get hurt anymore, and my mind just don't allow me to trust someone.
And again, my parents are a problem.
I want to go and visit her. We want to meet. What my parents say? No, you can't, too dangerous and you can't go alone etc.
Hell they even tried, without success to make me interested in another girl.
They want me here with them, they think that I will be safe.
Safe, maybe. I can be safe in lots of places, but I will be happy? I answer, no, not if I continue with them.
Someone, please, help. Other blind teens learn how to live, how to make their food. They are allowed to have a phone, to get out of home, I can't. Someone, help me find a way, help me get out of this hell. I can't resist, not anymore. I understand that parents are supposed to help. Everyone tells me this. But no one understands how worse are mine." Basically, His parents don't allow him to do or learn to live on his own. They control his movements. He can't visit me, because they don't give him his documents, for him to get out of the country, they don't give him the money that by law is rightfully his. They don't even allow him to have a phone. The story is long, that's why I didn't posted all of it here. But I can send it through a private message if someone is interested. We started a fundraising campaign, hoping that we will get help. I will not post the link, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. I just... need advices, because I don't know what to do anymore. I feel very connected to him. We feel when the other one is sad, sometimes I know what he is thinking etc. it would break me if I lose him
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SpiritTalker
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Posts: 6237
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2016 9:51 am
Gender: Female
Location: Earth temporarily

Re: Long distance relationship

Post by SpiritTalker »

Do you have advocate agencies locally? They can advise and negotiate. Council for the blind? Have you discussed your need with your parents, unemotionally, stating that the help they can give is independence because, as you say they won't be there forever. Keep hammering it home. Over protection is fear based, and guilt. It becomes their safe way to function.

Be clear with them about what you want to learn and how they can help, even it's to get out of the way. Don't quit repeating your statement if they get mad. Just repeat. But get some advice from the council for the blind...or whatever your local area has to offer.
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