I know you get a lot of crazy emails and you may consider this to be one
I need help. For the last 6 months I have been festering with hate. Hate
which I do not believe in. It has to do with a relationship gone bad,
really bad. The mother of the man I was involved with actually deviously
tried to harm me through my teenage daughter. I have removed myself and of
course my children from the situation and I have prayed to the Goddess to
help me forgive and to forget these people...but not a day goes by that I
don't relive, rehash this experience over in my mind...and I need to stop
this but find myself helpless. (I am not a weak person, so this really
gets my anger up too) Could they have a casting on me, if so, how do I
know? It is really preventing me from living my life to the fullest.
Any suggestions are deeply appreciated...
I truly believe in "an it harm none" but I'm finding that it is harming me
and I need to know what to do.
You are smart to recognize that having hateful feelings and anger harms
YOU. Many people never realize that fact. The family has not cast a spell
or curse on you. These are just your own thoughts driving you crazy. It
happens to everyone (or rather, it happens to everyone who hasn't learned
to control their thoughts yet.) What you have to do is learn to control
Every time you find your thoughts drifting back to "Those
bastards! I hate them! I'm going to hunt them down and kill them! I hope I
run into them at Wal-mart so I can give them a piece of my mind!! Man, I
really f*cking hate them!!! AAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!" (does that sound familiar
at all? haha)... so like I was saying, if you find yourself starting to
think thoughts like these, you have to force yourself to do or think
When you do this over and over, and force yourself to
stop and think positive thoughts every time, your mind will eventually
realize that having thoughts like those are unacceptable and, in time, it
will stop trying to think those thoughts at all. The bad thoughts will be
fewer and farther between until they go away completely, much like when
you quit smoking and you have cravings for a cigarette. You have more
cravings at first, but then you have them less and less often and they are
less and less strong. After a while, those cravings stop completely if you
force your mind to think of something else each time a craving pops up.
I recently quit smoking, so I thought I'd use that as an example.
When I have a craving, I take a few deep breaths and force myself to think
of something else. I'm training my body so that when it starts to think of
a cigarette, the thought will automatically disappear and I'll take some
deep breaths automatically too, which is a good habit to be anyway since
I tend to be a shallow breather.
Here is another example
from my life, since I just love talking about my own life so much, haha.
I have an ex-boyfriend who was abusive to me. In 1992, he murdered a man and went
to prison. I was his last love before
he went to prison. Of course, there is a fear that he will get out of
prison and come after me and hurt or kill me. I used to play that scenario
over and over in mind, fantasizing (in a nightmarish sort of way) about
what would happen if he gets out. But I found out through years of
spiritual study that your thoughts create
your reality. I didn't always know that. But I know it now. So I force
myself to NOT think about him and what could happen.
If I put a lot of
energy into ANY thought, whether I want it to happen or fear it happening,
that thought will become my reality. It happens that way for everyone. The
hate you are feeling and thinking about is manifesting more hatred and
anger, which is why it seems so hard to control it. But it's not that hard
really. You just have to make the decision that you are finished giving
your energy and thoughts to this particular situation.
If you think it
would help, you can feel free to tell me about it and get it off your
chest. But after that is done, you have to stop thinking about it and
talking about it anymore. If the thought comes up, "I HATE THOSE PEOPLE!
DIE DIE DIE!!", then turn on the TV or radio and get involved with that if
you aren't proficient yet at simply changing your thoughts. Distract
yourself if necessary. Do this enough and the thoughts will stop coming. I
rarely think of my ex anymore and when I do think of him, I certainly don't
think of the fear and anger I have towards him. I just simply block those
thoughts as best as I can.
If you have and use the knowledge that your thoughts create your reality,
it will change your life completely. You can have anything you want if
you just focus your thoughts on it. Never, ever focus your thoughts on
things that you DON'T want because then you will manifest things in your
life that you don't want. It is a very serious matter and I hope you
really understand and practice what I'm telling you. You will absolutely
destroy your life if you keep thinking negative, hateful thoughts. The
energy of hate will surround you and bring more hatred and negativity
into your life.
I'm sorry to carry on so long like this. I just get really concerned when
I hear something like that. I wish everyone understood just how powerful
our thoughts are, but most people don't have a clue and so they let their
thoughts run wild. My life is living proof that these techniques really do
work. My husband and I are financially free now because we learned to
visualize what we wanted to manifest in our lives. And we both work from
home and can do anything we want, every single day of our lives. We write
our goals down on paper with the date that we want to meet them by.
quit smoking using these same techniques and it's so much easier than
I ever thought it could be, simply because I'm telling myself all the
time, "I love being a non-smoker. Smoking is gross and it makes me sick.
Quitting is EASY. I'm a non-smoker." Thoughts like that have made it so
easy to quit, despite the fact that I've been smoking for 17 years.
know, if everyone had this information, we could truly have peace on
Earth. I think spreading this knowledge is the only way we will ever have
peace. Then, all the people of the world will be focusing their thoughts
on having a peaceful, happy world instead of FEARING war and putting their
energy into negative thoughts. The reason
so many horrible things are happening in the world lately (like Katrina)
is because there are so many people who believe that Armageddon is coming
soon and they EXPECT horrible things to happen. It's a huge, negative
energy that could potentially destroy us all if enough people believe in
Try using affirmations. If you need an affirmation, a good one to use is,
"Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." Say this to
yourself as often as you can remember. Say it over and over while you are
in the shower, on the toilet, driving in the car, anytime you remember. A
great time to do it is right before you go to sleep or right after you
wake up, because your mind is in that sleepy zone, which is very close to
your subconscious, which is where you are trying to make the affirmation
I like to lay in bed after I wake up and repeat the affirmation
over and over many times before I get up. I just started doing that a few
days ago and after three days of doing that affirmation, I decided to quit
smoking and like I said, it's been easy to do (with the patch, of course.)
I think the affirmation made all the difference. I think I will start
saying the affirmation to myself whenever I crave a cigarette.
You should also say the affirmation whenever you feel hateful feelings
I wish you
the best. Feel free to write again if you need more help.
Thank you so much Starwitch. Your
letter seemed so closely related to the many bad thoughts that I have had.
You are right and I have always believed that I can do what ever it is
that I set my mind to. This one has really taken me for a loop but I have
to change this and I know that I am the only one that can. I will try
affirmations and I will also visit the website you reference.
Prior to this relationship I was very orderly with my lists of things I
want to accomplish and how I was going to accomplish it and I also was
into the deep breathing and visualizations but I have gotten out of the
habit. I will just have to retrain/refocus myself.
I will keep you up to date, if you don't mind.
I really do appreciate your words, your help....thank you.
I'm really glad to hear that you are already familiar with the ideas I
mentioned. That's great, and it will save you the trouble of learning it
all from scratch. Yes, please do let me know how it works out for you. I'm
sure you will do well and get over those negative thoughts fairly quickly
once you set your mind to it and get back into the deep breathing and
visualizations. That will help so much.
Also, I want to thank you for not making excuses like
some people do after I answer their question. I guess they want a
particular answer or spell and if I give them something else, they
pretend like they already knew everything that I just told them. Yeah, I
bet they did. Ha ha.
I'd like to add one more
update. All of the above was posted in 2006. It's now 2017. My ex was
released from prison in 2013 and he moved back here to my hometown. He
did attempt to reach me, but I just ignored his emails and the comments
he left on my Facebook page (my posts are open to public comments. He
and I aren't FB friends.)
Even though it was obvious he still wanted to
see me, I had gone out of my way to make it look like I was happily
married and I didn't respond to anything he wrote. It only took him six
months to get married to a new lady and she was pregnant right away.
It's a few years later now, and they are still together and have two
little boys. Even though I do fear for his wife and children's safety, I
personally feel very safe. I hardly ever think about him. He did
me the favor of blocking me on Facebook, so that helps some too, but I
occasionally check in on him from my husband's account. I like to make
sure he's still happily married and nothing has gone wrong. That's what
makes me feel the safest - knowing he's occupied with his own life.
Being married also makes me feel safe.
Hard to believe four years will
have passed by this Spring and still nothing has happened. After I
stopped thinking about him, the stress got less and less. My mom and I
were still concerned enough that we both went and got our
concealed-carry permits just before he was released, but there's been no
need to carry a gun around. Things are going really well. :)