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The Techno-Witch and Magickal Appliances

By: Sam Stevens

My favourite episode of Bugs Bunny is the one where Bugs turns into a witch and says: "We ride vacuum cleaners now".

It is true that the vacuum cleaner can be substituted for a broom to do a spell. For instance, one way to get rid of negative energy in your home would be to sprinkle sage leaves or salt all over the floor and as you vacuum picture all the bad vibrations being sucked up and removed along with the real dirt. I recommend you do this after a nasty person has paid you a visit or a tragic or upsetting event has taken place in your environment. The old way would be to sprinkle salt all over your floor or some kind of commercial powder and sweep the astral detritus away with a broom and out. Lightly sprinkling salt onto the floor and vacuuming your house in a counterclockwise direction during a waning moon is a good idea. Think of it as a kind of Techno-Banishing Spell.

Another modern convenience, the common household drain, can also be used for a banishing spell. Every time you rinse out your sink, picture all bad energy in your life going down the drain as well. Picture your burdens, troubles and bad habits swirling down the drain. There is a spell using blueberries that is used for removing rivals and obstacles in your path. As you crush the blueberries in your hand you are supposed to watch the blue juice swirling down the drain. An automatic disposal unit can be used in the same way using various vegetables. For instance, a classic spell to create impotence is to take cucumbers or carrots and mulch them in your automatic disposal unit. Potatoes, which are historically used to make poppets, (a crude form of voodoo doll) can be carved into the shape of a person or into a symbol of the thing you want removed from your life and crushed in the garbage disposal the same way. You don't have to spend a whole lot of time carving symbols out of potatoes and wasting perfectly good food. In general, whenever you mulch, crunch, destroy, rinse or throw something down a drain, visualize a problem in your life disappearing along with the waste material.

The toaster is also a Techno-Witch's best friend. With a knife lightly carve a symbol representing what you would like to happen into a slice of bread or a frozen waffle -- a heart for love or the amount of money you need to receive The toasting represents the cosmos "warming up to the idea". All cooking practices are a form of magic. When the waffle or toast is ready, slather it with butter, to smooth your way and honey to make sure your wishes "stick" to you. Jam, particularly strawberry-rhubarb, is good for a love wish. Then eat it to symbolize bringing the magic into your life.

The blender is a useful Techno-Witch tool for both gathering and banishing energy. The idea of a blender is to mix and mingle different elements … so you can take various ingredients (refer to the Magic in Food article on this site) to create love potions using different ingredients. For instance blending strawberries, which is a love food, with vanilla ice cream (also love) with a touch of cinnamon (speed) could bring you a quick romance. Bring money to you by pulverizing spinach (money bringing) with cream (represents the smoothing of your path) to make a prosperity soup. If you are angry, you can also use the blender to pulverize elements as described above. A lot of the effectiveness of magick relies on your intent and your ability to visualize the outcome. In the old days, witches used mortar and pestles to grind magical elements and release their essence into the aura. These days you can use a blender, chopper or even a coffee grinder.

The stove has always been a witch's best friend but the microwave is the ultimate tool for the Techno-Witch. The microwave is great for producing accelerated results. One prosperity ritual involving the microwave is to cook a bag of microwave popcorn and while each kernel pops, you make a point of yelling out a wish or desire. You can do this cooking popcorn as well, but I hear the microwave brings faster results.
You can also use your television set or radio to practice the ancient art of bibliomancy and scrying. Only instead of using a book, you are using sounds… I guess I would call this Tvomancy or Radiomancy. Basically you ask a question and then randomly flip the radio and listen to what dialogue comes out first. You can do this too, using the television remote… ask the question and the first image or dialogue that comes to mind contains your answer. This is a form of Techno-Fortune Telling.

Next article I will tell you how to be a Techno Witch using functions on your computer.

By: Sam Stevens

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