My Spiritual
Beliefs
01/10/00
Alright,
here are the basics of how I believe. I used to be Christian for a few
years. I picked up some of those 7th Day Adventist books at the
laundromat and read those so I began to believe that the world was coming to an end and the Pope was the antichrist.
Little did I know, the 7th-Day Adventist Church did not have all the answers.
After I got over that kick,
I got saved and baptized in the Church of God (a Pentecostal church) at
the age of nineteen. I was kind of a Benny Hinn-loving Pentecostal
for a while. I actually went and saw Benny Hinn, a Christian healer, at the TBN studios in
Hendersonville, TN. That was really exciting, but it was very disappointing
also. I was not healed of the problem that I thought God would fix for
me. As a matter of fact, I didn't even receive the Holy Spirit and this
was with BENNY HINN up there. I figured that if anyone was on God's good
side, it had to be Benny Hinn. A lot of people were receiving gifts of
the Holy Spirit and healings during his services, or that's how it was
presented on TV anyway. The thing
is, if I had been healed at that time, I would've stopped right there
in my search, believing that Christianity had all the answers. This is
not true, and was not the path I was supposed to be on.
After this, I
got somewhat depressed about life in general, so I stayed high for about
3 years. One night,
as I lay in bed stoned on pot, I had an epiphany. I was finally able to
see things clearly as I never had before.
I realized then that God was much bigger than I had imagined.
It wasn't even "God" the way I had thought of "Him"
before. I realized that God was not some old man in the sky who either
let you in Heaven or sent you to Hell. It was all very clear to me. What
we called "God" was really the conscious energy that IS everything
and everything is MADE from this energy. This was a life-changing revelation
for me.
Of course, this sort of thinking inevitably leads to witchcraft.
It is the next logical step in a person's spiritual development, right?
Well, actually I think I started with the reincarnation books first. After
I had thoroughly convinced myself that there was NO HELL, then I was free
to do what I had always wanted to do. And of course, every little girl wants
to grow up and be a mystical, witchy woman with long skirts, lots of crystal
jewelry and candles burning all over the house. You also need some real
magical power to go along with the image. So, I learned witchcraft. I
was not Wiccan because I didn't really see the need for any sort of religion
in my life. Besides, I didn't want to limit myself. Learning witchcraft
was fairly simple. Just read a few books, learn the basics, and do some
spells. It's really very nice. I was finally just what I had always wanted
to be. Mystical and witchy.
Well,
that was fun for a while. After my husband moved back in with me,
my perfect mystical atmosphere was thrown out of whack so I was forced to expand my horizons. I
took to reading some more books, of course. Mostly New Age stuff now.
I still do witchcraft when I need something very specific, but mostly
I don't need it anymore. I've changed my whole outlook on life. I believe
things happen as they are supposed to, if you let them. Synchronicity
will lead you in the right direction if you believe in it and notice it
when it happens. I also rely heavily on my spirit guide and spirit group
to help me. I can tell when my spirit guide is here because when I call
him (to help me read tarot or something) I get chills all over my body.
And it doesn't just go away like normal chills. This is an over and over
thing as long as I keep talking to him and thinking of him. Hopefully
soon, I will be able to get more direct messages from him, but for right
now I am mostly guided by dreams, synchronicities, tarot cards, and sometimes
intuition. It gets easier and easier the more you keep in touch. I'll
keep you up to date on any new developments.
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