Update on My Relationship Status

10/12/09

Someone signed my guestbook and asked for an update on my relationship with Ron. So here it is...

I may have mentioned that in March 2007, Ron and I bought a new home. It was a big, fine home, twice as large as our previous home. But one month later, I moved out and moved back into our old house, which we hadn't bothered to sell. Ron just didn't seem to like me very much and we were arguing quite a lot. I also wasn't comfortable with the lack of privacy I had. Ron had friends that called and came over anytime they felt like it, which was more than I wanted. His daughter came over every weekend for visitation and usually had friends stay over with her. I had to deal with seeing Ron's ex-wife, which was a distasteful task for me. So one day I announced that I was moving out and that's what I did.

Since then, Ron and I have continued seeing each other. We divorced in 2008, but we are still boyfriend and girlfriend. Some people might think it's strange to date your ex-husband, but what do you expect from someone like me? It's not like I'm really that normal to start with. Plus, my parents set the example by separating and staying together. This isn't the first time I've stayed with a boyfriend that I broke up with. It's actually more like the fourth guy I've done this to. And Ron is a terrific partner, especially now that his expectations of me being the perfect wife and mother have been destroyed. Now he accepts me for who I am and we have become much closer and more kind to each other as a result.

I can tell you that a man will have more respect for you and treat you much better if you do what's good for you instead of kissing his ass all the time and trying to live up to his inflated expectations. If he wants to kiss your ass, that's his prerogative, but you don't need to do the same to him. Men tend to get the better end of the bargain in relationships anyway, so it's the least he can do to keep you happy. I have the better end of the bargain in my relationship, but that's not usually the case with women who have children. I don't have kids so it's easy for me to do whatever I want to do. My advice to women and teenagers who have not had children yet is this: Don't have kids. Pretty simple, huh? Now, if you feel a really strong urge to have a family and you have been around children a LOT and you understand exactly how much HARD WORK is involved, and you still want to do it, then by all means, contribute to the overpopulation of the Earth. But if you are merely having children because you've always thought, "I'll grow up, have a career, get married, and have kids," then don't bother.

Once you have kids, you give up any aspirations of your own. You won't have any time or energy left over for a career. And you'll be so emotionally invested in your kids that even if you did have the time and energy you would feel guilty about doing anything for yourself. I've read a lot of books on the topic of the childfree lifestyle and I know how hard raising children is for women. Not so much for men usually. Women really get the raw end of the deal. A man may tell you he's going to do half of the work, but men aren't capable of multi-tasking and they can't keep up with the endless details that are involved in taking care of children and a home. Even if he manages to put the laundry in the washer, do you suppose he'll come back and put it in the dryer and then manage to get the clothes out and hang them up before they get wrinkled? I doubt it. If he cooks for the family, will he remember that Lil' Sally won't eat anything with pepper on it and that Lil' Sam won't eat his food if any of it is touching another kind of food? It's all these tiny details that moms remember and dads don't (dads often pretend to forget instead of truly forgetting, but the end result is the same, more work for you.) And so it's women who end up doing most of the work.

But some people get lonely when they are alone and so they need children to fill the empty space. I'm not like that. I enjoy my alone time. I thank the Goddess every night that I'm alone and I don't have to always be "on" for other people. It's tiring for me. I'm an introvert and being around other people drains my energy.

So, Ron and I are getting along very well now that we live apart. We don't argue anymore. I stopped having sex when I didn't really feel like doing it, so our sex life has improved. And I don't have to do a lot of family activities when I'm tired or need to be alone. So life is pretty great for me right now. If I can get off this computer, I'm going to go pack because Ron and I are leaving for a trip to New England to see the fall foliage tomorrow. :) Yay! Here's some pictures for you in case you don't get to see the foliage.

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