Note: This rambling is kind of
boring. It will probably only be of interest to those who are addicted
to opiates or have a loved one who is addicted and you don't understand
why they can't just stop. I explain how I got off of pills.
I would like to explain why my ramblings were so negative
several years ago. I was addicted to opiate pain pills (10 mg hydrocodone
to be exact) and was taking 10-20 of those every day. I also smoked
cigarettes and ate very little, not because I wanted to lose weight but
because I wanted the pills to have a stronger effect by taking them on an
empty stomach. I don't really know if that is effective or not, but when
you're an addict you frequently have irrational thoughts. I was filled with
a lot of rage and negativity and I didn't know how to express this to
others and ask for help since I thought that only sissies showed emotions
(or even HAD emotions). I was a hard person.
In March of 2004, it my was extreme
fortune to learn about the medication Suboxone/Subutex
(Buprenorphine). I had learned about mind power and so I had determined
that I was going to get myself OFF of opiates/narcotics. At this point, I was ordering
three prescriptions of 100 pills in a single month. It was totally out of
control. I was depressed, anxious, and reptilian creatures (okay, actually
just one) were attacking me while I slept (I'll tell you about that
sometime. Weird stuff!) I knew I had to stop the madness. Every so often,
I would go to the Internet and search for ways of finding freedom from
opiate addiction.
I don't know if you've ever seen one of those heroin
addicts on TV when they are going through withdrawals, but heroin is
basically the same as prescription pain medicine. They both come from the same plant
and the withdrawals from both are the same. The severity depends on how
long you've taken the drug and how much you were taking (and your state of
mind, support, and other factors.)
I had managed to quit taking pain pills the
previous Autumn. I tapered off very slowly and was able to stay off of
them for a month. But even after an entire month, I still suffered from
diarrhea all day, every day. My asshole burned like a mo-fo. I still had
the yawns constantly.
Coming off opiates makes you yawn all the time. You wouldn't
think yawning is so bad until you can't stop doing it and every time you
yawn you feel like you need to go to sleep, so it's impossible to stay
alert and get anything done. "Sleep it off", you say? Have you ever slept
for an entire month? I think Rip Van Winkle must have been an opiate
addict who was in withdrawals and that is why he slept for so long.
It's quite frustrating and depressing to be SO tired that you can't
do anything but lay down and watch TV and sleep. It's hard to even take a
shower and go to the bathroom.
Sure, anyone could do a couple of days of
this, maybe even a week, but then seven days becomes a month, three months, six months... all the while you still feel like you can't get
out of bed because you are so drowsy and exhausted all the time.
You
think, 'I need some food from the store but I'm too tired to get up, take
a shower, get dressed, do hair and makeup, drive to the store, walk around
and find the stuff, interact with the cashier, drive home, unpack it all,
fix the food, take my makeup off, and lay back down." Everything is SUCH
an effort that it seems like it would be so simple to just take a tiny bit
of opiate and then all of your misery would go away. Within 10 minutes you
would be jumping off the walls with energy and you could do anything you
wanted for the next four hours.
This misery can continue for six to eighteen
months. It's what they call the "Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome" or PAWS.
Your own opiate receptors stopped working long ago because you constantly
fed it opiates, so it had no reason to operate. It became lazy and stopped
producing natural endorphins.
Endorphins are produced during strenuous
exercise, excitement, and orgasm. They are your feel-good chemicals. The
wonderful feeling of being on top of the world that you get when you
ride a roller coaster is a result of your brain releasing endorphins.
I've been feeding my brain artificial endorphins for nearly 10 years.
Due to this, my brain is now dependent upon my feeding the
opiates/endorphins to it instead of creating them itself like it was
designed to.
During PAWS, your body is still adjusting to having to make
it's own endorphins. Unless you've been through it, you really can't
imagine the agony that you go through when you stop giving your body
opiates after it has become addicted to them. It they ever want to devise
a form of torture for prisoners, getting them hooked on opiates and then
taking them away would be an easy and cheap way to cause much pain,
sickness, and discomfort to someone. Many people will do anything to get
opiates when they are in withdrawal.
Anyway, I was addicted to opiates and wasn't able to
quit by my own efforts. Through BELIEVING that there was a fix for this
problem, I finally found Suboxone and I have been on Suboxone
maintenance therapy for several years now. Now I need to find a way to
get off of the Subuxone, but at least it is infinitely better than being
hooked on pain pills.
I am considering trying Ibogaine. Ibogaine is a way that
addicts can stop using drugs or alcohol and not have to go through
withdrawal. Ibogaine resets the brain chemistry for you so that you
don't suffer like you normally would. You only take it once but it's a
long trip, between 24-48 hours and you have to go deep within yourself
and confront your issues. So it's not exactly pleasant for most people
and it can also cause quite a bit of nausea and vomiting, I've heard.
But most opiate addicts would agree that it's worth it to be sick for a
day in order to be able to give up opiates for good.
For more information on Suboxone/Subutex (generic name
Buprenorphine), here are some links:
