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I WANT TO KILL MYSELF! Can you help me?

Discuss mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts, here.

Postby Starwitch » Fri Dec 12, 2008 4:18 pm

By the responses we have gotten on this thread, I suspect that several people probably skipped over the long posts, especially my first post where I shared Ron's suicide dream/memory. Here is an excerpt from it which is shorter for those of you with ADD.

Before the bullet actually entered my head but had exited the gun already, I saw in my mind all the past lives and all the past suicides that I had committed, and felt all the pain and suffering that went with all the deaths. The pain and feelings that I felt were not only my own personal suffering that I had endured... And it was not only the pain that was from the people that were closest to me before the suicides either. To my surprise, I felt heartbreaking pain from people I saw in the memories that I really didn't even know while I was alive.

I felt the feelings of a woman that found my dead body after I had killed myself by blowing my head off with a shotgun. I laid there for days before she happened along to find me. She lived everyday with the horrified memories and sadness that she felt the day she found my dead body. I felt all those days of suffering for as long as she felt them and with the same severity.

One man found my body laying in pieces at the scene of what looked like a horrific automobile accident. It was actually a scene that came to be as I, a suicidal teen, thought that I did not want to be here on this plane anymore, and so I drove 135 MPH into a bridge abutment... BOOM! An explosion that was like a bomb going off, or a large bullet hitting the bridge then exploding. I saw the speeding car as it gained speed coming down the highway.

Next thing I knew I was looking at the speedometer inside the car... I saw 130 MPH and remembered thinking "I'll show all of them", and "we'll see how they feel now", "it will all be over in just a few seconds". I felt hate and anger, and my emotions had grown into such a rage that it felt as if my whole body could actually explode.

I looked down again and saw 135 MPH and also saw a bridge about to come up, I steered straight into it.... BOOM! What an explosion! The car, and I too, literally came apart. This was a much longer death then the one mentioned before. I felt the car crumble in such slow time (perception) that the pain was much more severe and for such a long time. I feel each piece of the car as it goes through me, and then my own body coming apart as it slams into the wall, and I feel all my parts being scattered across this huge area that covers all the lanes one way.

The severity of the pain that I felt is not being expressed enough in my writing... It is actual pain that one can feel while living, by this I mean you feel the pain, it is not only a memory, but a memory with added factors included. The pain is so intense and it lasts for so long, many hundreds of years.


For only a moment between the ages of pain that I am going through, I think "How is it that I would ever do this again now that I know all this?" Then I realize that I am now again dead. And that I will not be remembering these past memories when I come back again. I am again frustrated and more disturbed with myself than I ever was while living in any one of the past lives I had lived.

I also realize that now the few problems that I had as a living being were so small and minute compared to how they really are if you kill yourself. I also realized after re-living many hundreds of suicides that I went through, that there is not anyone of them that is easier, or less-harmful, or less-hurting. All suicides are negative, and will only make your life longer, more miserable, and so much more pain, pain like you can't even imagine, and for so long, and to feel all the people affected by your actions too on top of all that, it's very overwhelming. I wish I had a way to really explain how that feels.


So, for those of you who are telling me that people have a right to commit suicide, I hope you understand that I am trying to prevent them from doing something that they will regret horribly. It would be selfish of me to do anything else when my own eyes have been opened to this information that I can share with people.
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Postby BondageGoddess98 » Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:38 pm

Im struggling to keep my head up but as the days go by faster im aware that time is running out and soon i will be alone. I still need to learn to drive but being in Tucson and weather not permitting it i am freaking out. My husband is buying beer almost every night knowing we dont have alot of lot of money like its going to magically appear there from the Christmas bank fairy. Im so pissed off and scared shitless im struggling with depression more and have more suicidal thoughts now but cannot tell anyone about it. I stay awake at night crying terrified, alone and utterly depressed i want to die. If i could figure out a way to make my suicide look like an accident so that my husband could get the insurance that would be great. We need the money so i guess ill surf the net for ideas.
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Postby [Silver Dove] » Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:14 am

Hi BondageGoddess98

He is trying to escape reality by drinking....if you die, who will take care of your little one. Your husband will probably start drinking more and spend all the insurance money foolishly anyway....he sounds like a person who can't handle stress (pls don't get upset if this is not accurate assumption on my part, as I am just going by what you wrote.). Times are hard in this economy....and I can understand that financial responsibility can really either make or break you....well these days it seems to break almost everybody facing the situation, including me. Like you I can't drive either.....and am scared too, and try hard not to freak out....But please hang on to your hope, things will get better...I believe as long as there is life there is hope....and I am hanging on to my faith dearly....I hope you will too...you are not alone in what you are going through, and we have to be strong for our children sake. I will pray for both of us and others in similar shoes.

I am sorry I can't be of real help to you other than to let you know that you are not alone. :(
May love, peace & hope always be with you. Blessed Be!

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Postby Moon_Stone » Sat Dec 27, 2008 4:34 pm

Bondage Goddess,

Do you have any family besides your husband and baby that you could contact? Why do you feel there's no one you can talk to about your feelings and suicidal thoughts? If your husband's in the military, you'd have his medical coverage too, and there are people you can talk to about what you're feeling. Therapists can really help when they're needed, and there's no shame in that at all. There are also help lines... you said you're in Tucson, click here (http://www.azspc.org/resources.html) for resource help local to you... and you can always call the national helpline anytime if you need to talk... that's 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Trying to find a way to end your life is not the answer... end what you don't like about your life, change it, and things will change for the better.
---
I understand how hard it is to be alone and feel stranded... but Silver Dove does have a good point... without you, your baby would be alone too... and not only that, she'd be left to be raised by someone who is drinking every day and not making the best decisions as it is. Try to think of it this way: you are not alone, you have your daughter. She is not alone, she has you. You both can rely on one another in that way. And in addition, the internet is a wonderful place to make and talk to friends. If you're essentially stranded at home right now and will be alone a lot more, soon, I'd really recommend getting into internet chatting. Have you tried finding a good chat board yet? Joining a chat group on an IM (Instant Message) program? There are a lot of those out there... and that way you can develop some more friends out in the internet world who care about you as well... then no matter where you go and move to, they're just a computer key stroke away. I had some really good friendships develop that way... and anytime I was feeling lonely, I'd log in and talk to some of my new friends. There's always someone there who wants to talk. :28:

Silver Dove is right as well about your husband running away from his problems through drinking. He's altering his consciousness by self-medicating himself with alcohol. Unfortunately, that's a dangerous road he's going down. It's dangerous for all of you; yourself, your daughter, and him. I know you two have had some issues as well... drinking is definitely not the best way to deal with them... though I also understand you can't make him change... he has to want to do that.

Don't be afraid to reach out, Gloria. There are programs that can help with financial things too- your Arizona Department of Economic Security has a Family Assistance program that can help with cash aid, food vouchers, etc., and, if anything like California's programs, they'll have a work-program too where they can help people find jobs... and I'd imagine that would include teaching you how to drive. This link will take you to their pages so you can find out more on the assistance programs and who to call. (main site: http://www.azdes.gov).

You have feet, so you're not stranded. You have friends here, so you're not alone. You have a daughter that desperately needs you, so your life is definitely not pointless. Everything we experience in our lives happens for a reason... and that reason is definitely not so you can find a reason to die. You are more important than that, you deserve to be treated like the goddess you are inside... and not by just other people, but by yourself too.

Bright Blessings, Gloria. I'm sending warm, healing thoughts your way.
Please don't be afraid to reach out to the suicide help lines... they're there to help, anytime, and each and every person there, even though they've never met you, cares about you and what's happening inside of your mind and heart. You are not alone.

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Postby Stonehenge » Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:54 pm

Nicely put Jen. Great information and advice. Gloria, you really are not alone, all you have to do is ask and you shall receive, really. Those resources that Moonstone mentioned are good contacts for support and help, and they can show you how to get all and more then what you want and need.

Gloria, if for any reason you are needing to talk to someone about the thoughts that you are having, you can PM me or talk here on the thread about them, and I will tell you first hand reasons, besides the others that have already been mentioned why you should not take your own life. Really if you think that you have/had problems now, they are small in comparison to the problems that you will have if you take you own life...
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Postby Ryn » Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:56 am

I'm not sure if this is the right post to be asking/saying this in but it was the first thing to catch my eye and my post does have to do with this thread at least.

I need help. That's all I can really say. On November 25, 2008 my dad committed suicide. I'm 17, the youngest of my family. I have an older sister and 2 older half brothers from my dad's previous marriage. We were all shocked when we found out. My mom found him in our garage and it was to late. She tried to resesitate him but it was just too late. I found out when I got home and saw 4 police cars in front of my house. My mom had to tell my sister and brothers over the phone but my sister made it home in time to see my dad before they took him away.

I know all the basics. I know it wasn't my fault. He was depressed for years and years and no one ever got him help but maybe help wouldn't have helped, maybe it would have just prolonged it.

I hate my dad for what he's done. I'm angry and sad because it feels like he's thrown me out of the loop of life. He's going to miss things he's supposed to be here for like prom, plays I'll be doing lights in, graduation, me turning 18, me getting my license/first car, me going to college, graduating college, getting married (who's supposed to walk me down the aisle now?), me having kids, etc. He won't be here for so many things; things that fathers are supposed to be here for.

As I said earlier, my father had been depressed for years and with his depression came his alcoholism. He had been an alcoholic my whole life, never once was he sober. Another things about my father was that he was a pathological liar. I feel like he died and I have no idea who he was. He lied about his past and about where he came from. He repeatitivly lied to my mother's face and my whole families. I mean, everything was a lie. I don't know if he ever actually enjoyed being around me and my sister when we were little and went camping. I just don't know if I ever knew him; if anyone ever knew him.

I guess...I guess that thing I want help with is just the steps after I've realized all this. I feel so lost, jsut so thrown off of course.

Again, I apologize if this is in the wrong section but this pertained to suicide.
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Postby Stonehenge » Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:37 am

Ryn, I am very sorry to hear about your dad. I'm also sorry that your first post on this forum has to be in this thread and about this topic.

I'm glad to see that you say you know it was not your fault that he did what he did. That is a huge step for you to have taken. You also know he was an alcoholic, and had issues with dealing with people and/or family, when it came to things like communicating the truths to each other.

Depression in people is something I have had to deal with in my life as well. I am not going to tell you all will be fine and candy coat everything about this incident. But do know that there are many others out there like your dad, and like yourself. My Ex wife has a drinking problem, and has since she was about 15 years old. I think it is directly related to the depression that she had/has from early on in her life. (That's a whole nother story)

Obviously you could speculate on what if, and if only, but that is not how it worked out unfortunately. I think that people who have drinking problems really are hurting, and they usually have something very painful that they are trying to cover with the drinking. It is a way for them to escape their personal pain and suffering. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to condone or say that the reason is good enough to say it is ok to be a drunk. But it is important to realize that people in that kind of situation need to be understood instead of hated. (Hatred is a negative thing and can fester into something much larger if held onto.)

If the tables were turned and I was in your position I can not say that I wouldn't be mad at him too, specially since I probably would be. But maybe now that you have some people here to talk with you can see things from another perspective that you may have not seen before.

To me it seems perfectly understandable how you can voice your opinion on how you hate him for doing this to you. How he has thrown you out of the loop of life, and how he is now going to miss out on all the great moments that are still to come in your life, like prom, marriage, children and things of that nature. But if you look at what you have said, and evaluate how it sounds and really appears, to me it seems as if you are adding to his problems. By that I mean, he obviously had a lot on his mind/conscience most of the time, I bet he felt lots of expectations, and also felt like everyone needed something from him. I bet he felt that he could not meet up to all the demands that were put on him. This is all just how I am seeing things.

You say your dad had been drunk all of your life, so that is 17 years plus. You also mentioned that never once was he sober. What does that tell you about his mental state of mind? To me it says he had a lot of issues that he was having to deal with. I am guessing that you do not know all that was bothering him, and what else could be in his life that could make someone do something like this. Being an alcoholic and lying to me are one in the same. It all starts with them lying to themselves, and grows into lying to everyone else, spouse, children and other family members, and work and friends too.

I do not know exactly how to help you more. But there are many here that know about things like this, and have gone through similar situations that may be beneficial to you to talk with them about. If you got the chance to read the opening post in this thread, it was a dream that I had a few months ago about suicides. I got a first hand view of what the outcome is after one kills themselves. I saw how it is much worse after you end your life then it could have ever been when you were alive. The suffering and time that you have to suffer is so long and so large of pain that it is almost unthinkable actually.

I cannot stress how much a person should never take their own life, it is never the way to solve anything.

If there is anything that I can do to help you cope with or understand more what is happening or what you are going through let me know. You sound like a very smart young lady, and know that there are answers to your questions, you just have to do what you are now doing and look for them and they will come to you. The Internet is a world of information that can help you with many things.
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Postby Moon_Stone » Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:12 pm

Well said, Ron. Though I wanted to add to that too that any mourning that takes place after a loss is about the mourner, solely. There's not a consciously thinking/feeling mind remaining in the person who has passed, so the human feelings taking place after a loss are personal to the mourner in particular. That said, saying that Ryn's feelings of loss for her father, the father that could have watched her grow, graduate, drive, get married, have kids... all of these things are normal for her to mourn without her adding to the list of expectations her father may have felt while he was on this earth. Realistically, every girl expects these things from her father, or any father that loves her, that is. It's not unreasonable for Ryn to not only mourn her father but also the man she feels she didn't know, and the man she wished he could have been.

Ryn, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how you are feeling... and with so many questions left unanswered, to boot. The pain caused by this loss won't ever completely go away, but it will lessen with time. And it's totally natural for you to be angry with your dad for having left you- anger is the second of the five stages of grief, and it's totally normal for you to be feeling all of these things. It doesn't make you selfish or wrong in the least.

I hope someday you'll be able to learn more about him and come to perhaps understand why he did what he did and felt the way he felt throughout his life. I agree totally with Ron, alcoholics are self-medicating in an attempt to get away from their internal pain... his lies were undoubtedly masking that pain as well; attempting to make a different life for himself through the lies. Regardless, please do remember that you are not like your father, and the experiences in his life that caused him to act in the way he had, even throughout your entire life, are not only not your fault at all, but also not the way you're destined to become either.

Wishing you all the answers and healing you seek. It will be a long road, but you'll make it, I'm sure.

Bright Blessings, Ryn.

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Postby Ryn » Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:39 pm

Thank you, Ron.

My father was the type of guy that if something happened and he had to pay for it or help out with it but he physically or mentally couldn't, he still would. He wouldn't seek out the help of my mother or my siblings or my family. Instead he would lie and say that it was some mistake or he already fixed it. At the time of his death, he was in one of those situations and only called in my mother the last couple months. He was pulled into a huge scam that wiped out 100k from his bank account and in return the bank froze his account; so, no money was coming in or out. My fathers business also went under. The mother company of his said that they weren't going to use them anynore and got rid of the company. I can't imagine how torn up my father must have been about that but my whole family didn't find out about it till the last month of its existance. I don't know why he felt that he couldn't talk to us.

I read up on depression in men after he died. I wanted to know why he wouldn't talk about things that bothered him and I knew there had to be an exlaination. Well, I found it. This book said that the reasons men don't confess their problems and/or depression is because they find it "unmanly" if they do. I don't know if that is how my father really felt about his situation but I, for one, wouldn't have doubted his postion as a man. A lot of people have depression, some more than others so it hurts me that he couldn't confide in his family and tell that to our faces.

As for the expectations for him-- I have been working in theatre at my school going on 3 years now. That's 3 years he could have come seen a show. His reasons for not going earlier, I don't know. The shows my school put on weren't half bad but I'm not saying they're the best. He knew how much I loved theatre and doing the ligths for every show so I often wondered when he was alive, why he wouldn't go to the shows. It wasn't a requirment and truthfully, I hadn't thought about his absence at the shows until one of my friends brought it up. And with the marriage, children, and graduation; that was far from his mind. I doubt it even entered his mind. He was so set on the loss of his money and business, which is fine to worry about, but all my life he really only cared about the money. So when he was scammed, I can imagine how big it was that his money was gone. And you can tell in his note he left that it really was all for the money and the loss of his business. The economy is hard right now and he felt it got the best of him when it really didn't. We still had a lot compared to others but he couldn't see past the fact that he lost money. There wasn't even a snippet of my siblings and me in the note. Not one thing, not even a sorry.

I try to feel other things besides anger because that is not a healthy emotional state to be in. But every time I try to be sad for his death, I think of how much he lied and how he could have been lying when there was the good times. I do try though, it's not like I stick to anger and take it out on others. No, thank you. I am quite grateful and thankful for my friends and teachers and family for all of their support throughout the years and now more than ever. My friends keep me occupied and my teachers keep me busy so that my mind doesn't wander into what they call "danger zone"now. They and I both know that every now and then you do have to think about it and I do.
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Postby Ryn » Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:04 pm

Thank you, MoonStone. I personally want to go out and find theses "skeletons in his closet" and confront them on who he was and why he was like that.

Because of my father I vowed to myself that I would never touch alcohol, maybe for those special occasions like a wedding, New Years Eve (when I'm 21+), etc. I know I'll never be like my father nor do I really want to be.

Thank you for the advice.
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Postby Moon_Stone » Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:40 pm

Ryn wrote:I don't know why he felt that he couldn't talk to us.

...That's a pride thing. The "man" is supposed to protect and provide for his family... and regardless of gender or implied responsibility, it's one thing for someone to admit to themselves that they've failed, but it's something totally different to openly admit it and be viewed as a "failure" by those who love them most. You're right that a lot of it is a "manly" thing, like that book had said... a great deal of men in the world have been raised to believe that emotions are not to be shown by a "manly" man, in fact they're often viewed as a sign of weakness.

So far as your particular situation goes with your dad's passing and his only giving mention to what I'm sure feels to you as his selfish acts (money, business, etc), I can understand some of that and thought I might share my story with you as well.

I'm not sure if you follow along with the karmic belief as I do, but I believe I had a similar perspective to your father's, with regard to work and such, and I think it may do some good to share that perspective with you here.

I had come to the realization that I was following along with a repetitive cycle in this lifetime, almost exactly as I had lived in previous lifetimes; past, and at the time, present. The cycle had always stemmed from my blind dedication to my work & business, the fact that I gained all of my sense of self from what I did rather than who I was... and this repetitive cycle had always resulted in my utter destruction and death. I was actively engaged in this process yet again, when I finally saw what I was doing... and more importantly, when I saw what I had done before, repeating.

I have always been the type of person to totally immerse myself in my work; and in that, I actively placed my family second. I'd stay very long hours in my office when I knew my husband and daughter were at home wanting me there with them. I didn't care at the time though, doing my work to the best of my ability and then doing even better than that, was my only ambition. For some reason I was compelled to, regardless of all else, make my business become successful. (Which, in all honesty, it's still not, five years later... it "squeaks by", really.)

About two years into my business operations, through karmic tarot spreads and via several other factors, I discovered that not only was the current course of my life a repeat-performance as previous life cycles were, but I was able to change the outcome, finally. These 'cycles' had pointed in many different ways to the tarot card "The Tower" ...basically it's a building that's falling into ruin, and when faced with the tower card, one can either jump from the tower or fall along with it... I had always fallen. Last year, my business, and I along with it, was faced with immeasurable, immense threat of ruin. Had I of been on the same course as that which I had previously known and lived, I would have no doubt ended my life as well at that time, last year. When we gain all our sense of self and self-worth from what we do, and when that 'job' or what have you fails, we lose our entire will to continue with life at all.

My point in telling you all of this is to offer you a different perspective, perhaps. For me, I attribute my dedication to Wicca in this life and all that I have learned through it, as the reason I was finally able to accept and change my cycle for the better. I believe everyone has their "time" when they are ready to change themselves, but the person has to be on that track and willing to hear it before it will do any good. If you can, perhaps try thinking more of the experience as it simply not being your dad's time to change things in his own cycle, yet. Unfortunately, you were a part of it, and you are left to suffer with it. I don't think it's that your father didn't love you, I think it's more that he didn't love himself at all and couldn't see any love in the world. He was what he did and how well he did it, so when that failed, his life failed- at least in his eyes. We can hope that in his next time around, he's more able to change his life, but in this one, with you and your family, all one can assume is that there is some lesson to be learned from it all... perhaps this is your time to make the changes you need to for your life, and your father helped you to see that.

I know all of this is far too obscure to be offered so soon after his passing, for now you should be content to be sad, angry, scream at the world for having this happen to you, and whatever else your heart feels. Don't rush it, but do know that there are other possibilities out there, when you're ready.

Bright Blessings.
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Postby Starwitch » Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:01 am

I'm very sorry for your loss, Ryn. If I can help you in any way, please PM me and I will be glad to talk with you about it through email or over the phone.

I want to thank you for posting your story here. I had posted a reply on this thread a few weeks ago but I ended up removing it because I wasn't sure I wanted to be so blunt about what I was saying in it.

I wanted to say, "What do you think your child will think if you commit suicide? They will know that you would rather DIE than to be with them. You would rather leave them here in utter sadness and misery than to face your problems like you should. You really don't care that they will live the rest of their life wondering 'WHY??? Why did you do it? How could you leave me? Didn't you love me enough to stay with me? Did you hate me so much that you had to KILL YOURSELF to get away from me?'"

That's how the survivors feel about it. I'm so grateful that you came here and posted your story so that people who are contemplating suicide can really FEEL your pain and understand just how much pain it causes to their loved ones when they commit such an act. I know people hate to be called selfish and that it will hurt them to read that, but maybe it's what they need to hear to snap them out of their ego concerns so they can begin thinking about what's best for the people that they supposedly love.

People who commit suicide are too concerned about their own problems to even consider another person's feelings. It's almost as if other people don't even exist. Other people only exist as a reflection of themselves. These are the same kind of people who never listen to you when you are speaking because they are always thinking of what they are going to say next. I don't know if there is any hope for people like that. They are completely self-absorbed. They really do not care about you and if you try to fool yourself into believing that they do, you will only hurt yourself more when they continually prove that they don't give a shit.

The sad fact is, many people are not capable of loving other people. Many of us assume that our parents love us when in fact they are completely self-centered and they only care about their own needs. If they truly loved us, they would consider their family's needs instead of solely thinking about their own needs. You have every right to be angry. I mean, obviously I hope you'll deal with your anger in constructive ways so that you aren't hurting yourself, but I can totally understand why you would feel neglected by your father and angry and abandoned by him.

Ron is right that your father very likely had many problems that he was trying drink away. If you look into his past, you will probably find that his parent(s) were alcoholic too and that they neglected and abused him. Since no one ever showed him how to give or receive love, how could he possibly know how to show love to you?

I like to think that humanity is evolving to a kinder, more loving state. Sometimes I'm unsure about that though.

I have also considered that perhaps all the people who are totally self-absorbed and don't care about the feelings of other people simply can't handle the new higher vibrational frequency on the Earth. The people who have these lower vibrations, the ones who cannot "do unto others" are the ones who are killing each other and killing themselves. It may be Mother Earth's way of cleansing the Earth to make way for the new energy that is being brought in. If that's true then it boils down to this... either you face the fact that the world is changing and that you must change with it or you become a fatality. Sometimes I think I'm one of the in-betweeners. I'm helping some of the people to make it to the good side but I'm not entirely certain that I'll make it over there myself.

If a person truly doesn't want to be suicidal anymore, it's imperative that you learn to get your ego under your control. You control it instead of allowing it to control you. I'm not saying that it's easy, but it can be done.

Take care,
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Postby Ryn » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:39 am

Thank you MoonStone and Starwitch.

MoonStone-- Thank you for sharing your story on your "fall" in life. I do believe my father fell with the tower in this perspective. He was consumed in his work, like you were, and everything was always about it. And I also completely agree w/ you statement regarding his not loving himself and not seeing the love in the world around him; now that I look at it that's probably what he was seeing.

Starwitch -- I believe you read my mind when you explained on how I felt at first with my thinking that he didn't love me or my family enough and all of that. And I also agree on the level of this being an egotistical thing. Suicide IS a selfish act and a stupid one. And I mainly get my emotions out through art. "Sevas Tra" is my saying and it's just Art Saves backwards. I write, draw, and paint and do theatre. It gets things out rather than keeping them inside, where it's unhealthy to do that. I did get really stressed, though, the following days after that I got a cold. I'm fine now though.

And Ethaerian-- I do not believe that was a load of crap nor should you call one persons opinion something negative because you feel a different way. Respect others. Nor will I live in pride because to me, pride is something not to live in because others don't really like the whole "high horse" thing. I'm sort of a down-to-earth kinda gal and plan to stay that way. The only pride I'll have will be for myself and if/when I ever accomplish my goals/dreams and only then will I bask in the glory and satisfaction of my accomplishing the different mountains I've overcome. And then will I only boast to myself, perhaps, for a short time then I will realize there is still more to be done with myself. I thank you for your condolences, though.

Thank you all for your help and advice. It's refreshing to see that what I'm feeling and thinking isn't abnormal.
Ryn
 

Postby Starwitch » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:51 am

Ryn,

I had already deleted Ethaerian's nasty comment before you had a chance to post yours. He is one of a few rogue members here who would rather spend their time hating other people and putting them down than to actually write something that would be helpful to you in any way.

I like what you said about pride. So many people think that pride is a desirable trait, but it is simply another ego trap that pulls us away from our true purpose here, which is to learn love and humility, among other things.

You sound like you are a very well-adjusted young lady. If you ever want to help out around here, just let me know. We can use more people like you to give guidance to others.

Bright Blessings,
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Postby Ryn » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:57 am

You can thank Jane Austen on my conclusion towards prideful people. It is definitly one trait I do not desire for myself or for others around me. I find prideful beings have such a negative energy that sucks the better out of people.

I'd be glad to help anytime and anyone. Just let me know. And thank you for your help and understanding; helps me feel normal in a way, haha.
Ryn
 

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