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I Want to Die

Discuss mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts, here.

Re: I Want to Die

Postby Vesca » Thu May 01, 2014 1:11 pm

Electra wrote:I've decided that if things don't get better soon, I'm running away in the summer. She won't be able to take legal action against me because I'm sure I can put up a good fight. I'll need a safe place to go.


Word to the wise, don't mistake emotional health for survival. Often it's hard to tell the two apart, but if you're not being fed, housed, clothed, or washed on a regular basis then you are in a bad place. And sadly, that is where most runaways end up. Most find themselves on the streets with no one to take them in, are unable to find steady (and decent-paying) work, and those who are homeless without any recourse are vulnerable to other human predators.

Many of those who are homeless that are often considered to be mentally unstable were not mentally unstable when they first found themselves on the street. They developed that due to chronic theft, abuse, negligence, assault, rape, and prejudice. Not all of them were runaways, but it does happen more often than those who are lucky enough to find someone to take them in and get them a job and a good start up to life.

Take stock of your real options. Know who you can and can't go to before you take that leap. Be aware of the reality of the world. In this economy, there aren't many who are looking to take in a strange mouth to feed and nurture, nor to deal with whatever legal uprisings may come with it. Do your research.

There are some organizations who take in homeless teens, temporarily. As in... maybe for a week or three. I've never heard of any taking anyone in long-term (although they may exist and I just haven't heard of them). Make some inquiries, get some phone numbers before you do anything. I also have never heard of them taking in straight runaways before, usually they're teens who have been forcefully kicked out of their homes. But again, just because I haven't heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't happen-- you'll have to do the legwork there.

I'm not sure how old you are, but since you're discussing legal issues regarding running away I'm going to assume you're not yet 18. Unless you find yourself a soft landing, you can virtually kiss higher education away. At least for awhile.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this for you. I've been in that boat, I know what it is and what it is not. I also know the circumstances that often drive teens to run, and I know it's not a walk in the park. But remember, you'll be stronger for having lived through hardships and found your own coping mechanisms. And one day you'll be out on your own and you'll have a stronger foundation to build from because of it.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby ness » Thu May 01, 2014 2:12 pm

Vesca is 1000% right about the runaway situation. Its a bad world out there and many predators. Life as a runaway is not easy or even remotely safe or a better option in any way I can imagine.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby Vesca » Thu May 01, 2014 2:21 pm

Electra wrote:Thank you all so much for the kind replies. I will read then when I'm having a hard time again. I'm starting to feel a bit better, and I know the feeling will fade in a few days. I just can't live like this anymore. I wish someone could take me away. Thank you all again, and please don't worry about me too much. I'm on medications, and I have the help I need to cope.


If you have a therapist/counselor or even a doctor, I would strongly recommend telling them what's been going on and how it's been making you feel. Even if it's an environmental issue, rather than a biochemical one, a therapist will be able to help you out with bringing things back into control.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby Xiao Rong » Thu May 01, 2014 5:00 pm

Yes, Vesca's advice about running away is very, very solid.

Electra, it sounds like the arguing with your mother is very severe. You may consider talking to 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) -- this is a child abuse hotline, and ask around about emotional child abuse (I don't know very much about your situation, but it sounds like it very well could be). If you're considering running away, maybe you could instead consider legal emancipation, or stay with a relative or someone else ...
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby firebirdflys » Thu May 01, 2014 10:36 pm

Hi...It's me...Don't run away. Get a plan.
I know I mentioned to you in a PM that I had run away, but I also didn't tell you all the horrible stuff that happened while on the run. Not worth it. Definitely not worth it.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby asthesunlovesthemoon » Thu Jul 31, 2014 9:29 am

Ive been trying to self harm again and have been feeling like absolute crap lately. I can't tell my mother, she'll start terrorizing me over it. I'm just so tired.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby TwilightDancer » Thu Jul 31, 2014 9:53 am

Xiao Rong wrote:Yes, Vesca's advice about running away is very, very solid.

Electra, it sounds like the arguing with your mother is very severe. You may consider talking to 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) -- this is a child abuse hotline, and ask around about emotional child abuse (I don't know very much about your situation, but it sounds like it very well could be). If you're considering running away, maybe you could instead consider legal emancipation, or stay with a relative or someone else ...


Electra, I know how you feel. I grew up bouncing from relative to relative, and none of them were kind. I put up with it til my 17th birthday, once I turned 17 I left "home" and I've never regretted it. No, I'm not advising youto run away-I'm advising you to get help. I moved in with my boyfriend(now my husband)-I had a place to go. Call CPS and the number Xiao gave. No-one is going to know what you're going through until you speak out.
I wish you the best.


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Re: I Want to Die

Postby asthesunlovesthemoon » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:06 am

I'm so afraid to tell anyone. I know depression is entirely situational now, but my mom would be so hurt if I was taken away from her. That would make me hate myself more. I don't want her in trouble either. I'm all she has left.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby Heartsong » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:30 am

I've been there too, Electra, and it sounds like you and your mom really, really need to sit down and have a very long talk. It definitely won't be the easiest or smoothest conversation you'll ever have with her, but I think it would go a long way to reestablishing your relationship with her.

Relationships, whether that be familial or romantic or friendship, deteriorate the fastest when there's no communication going on. You strike me as a well-spoken and usually thoughtful person, Electra, but you're at the age when talking with your parents is probably one of the hardest things in the world. The need for privacy and a life of your own makes it difficult to relate to them anymore. You're establishing your own identity, away from the ideas and beliefs that they raised you with, and as such, it's natural that you pull away. That being said, this is also the time when it's the most important for you TO talk.

I can't say that your mom will be very open-minded, or even understanding of what you're going through, but keep in mind that at one time, she was 14 too, and probably went through a lot of what you are right now. Maybe not the same thing, and maybe not in exactly the same way, but opening up to her, even a little bit, can very easily remind both of you that there once existed a level of trust between the two of you. Things probably won't immediately change, but making a conscious effort to show her that you still want a relationship, and want to be accepted by her for who you are right now, and who you want to become in the future, will help in the long run.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby random417 » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:33 pm

Hi electra. I normally don't reply to things like this, because other people are usually way better at finding the right words. That said, I'll say this: you're doing great. What I mean is, you could have done any number of things, and what you chose to do is reach out. That's the first step.

These guys said it way better than I can, so I won't add much, but for some reason reading this thread, I was drawn to a passage out of the Book of the Law. I don't KNOW that it'll help, but it can't hurt, and maybe it'll help with perspective.

"Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains" AL 2:9

Hope it helps!


*edit for typo, stupid phone*
So with thy all; thou hast no right but to do thy will.
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For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby jollymolly.pp » Mon Oct 06, 2014 9:02 am

Please don't it may be escape for you but what about those who LOVE you?
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby jollymolly.pp » Mon Oct 06, 2014 9:12 am

I'm sitting in the park watching the sunrise it is sooooooooo beautiful and I wouldn't be here for it if i killed myself and yes it was a constant struggle for years and it was painful and it was scary but I'm a better more compassionate person for it
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby asthesunlovesthemoon » Sun Nov 09, 2014 9:53 am

I just need to thank all of you and tell you how much I love each and every one of you.
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Re: I Want to Die

Postby SnowCat » Sun Nov 09, 2014 10:07 am

We're all still here.

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Re: I Want to Die

Postby asthesunlovesthemoon » Tue Nov 11, 2014 11:52 am

I'm actually in the hospital for trying to overdose on Prozac.
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