Everything Under the Moon

Can't seem to find the bootstraps.
The void hole in this plane just gets deeper the more I realize Dan is gone.
The last couple weeks or so I have been in a time warp. I've lost days and hours and frequently forget where I am.
I also forgot things I should have brought on my trip like a decent jacket and underwear. Brought make up, but was not inspired to wear any.
When we got back to moms town, went to the grocery for mom and forgot the thing I went to the store for, in addition that journey of 8 items took over an hour, I strolled up and down and wasn't sure what I should get.
I have to go home tomorrow, but am not looking forward to the insensitivity that husband will inflict. I also realize my mother is needing more help than she is willing to admit. All I can hear in my mind is Dan saying "you better get up here" which is what he would say every time I was here, but he was supposed to be here too.
FF

From my time working at the cemetery and making friends with many visitors to their loved one's graves, I've been told in a variety of ways that grief doesn't go away, but it changes. Those changes are individual with no set time frame & no disrespect to the lost loved one. For now life is like a flat balloon with all the air leaked out. You've had a power blow to the midsection of your soul-being. Eventually you'll inhale.

Spirit is right, you've taken a body blow of a terrible and massive sort. I would be worried if you were still operating well. Though everyone reacts to grief differently, they do react. Had you done everything else perfectly you would have done something like have on a sneaker and a dress shoe and not recognized it until the grave side. Reach your hand out for help from new sources. Dan will still be there, just watching from the edge of your sight. Speaking through the voices of others. I know it's very hard for you to trust. Take your time. Pain and longing for the sureness of the world as it was will slowly give way to acceptance that all is perpetual change. Yes, you will move on. It will hurt a little less tomorrow, which will hurt a bit more than the day after.

I'm sorry you are grieving and don't seem to have proper support. It's *hard*.