Oh long time no see, I've been having some troubles (again), that's why I've been way for so long, so sorry SnowCat for not replying
. That's totally my case, I got almost no natural talent for music. Haha
Unfortunately, my mom (or my dad) took my Tarot Deck (I still think that
stole is the better term to describe it
), it was on its wooden box inside my closet, and it's not there anymore. We live in a farm, in other words, it was stolen by someone who lives here, and I'm sure that nor Grandpa nor my sister would even lay a finger on it. The worst part is that no one assumes, they are even aggressive when I talk about it, what do they think? That I'm still a child and that my deck grew up legs and got away running? I'm sick to death of it.
Indeed, I want to shout at them, throw glasses and such on the wall, etc etc etc... But I'm tired, they told me that they won't change anything, so I won't care about it anymore, I won't try to have a friendly family, I won't argue with them anymore, I'm just tired, there's no point on struggling, giving up things for them, it's enough for me.
My therapist said that I need to take care of myself first, and learn to love myself, because they won't treat me the way I expect them to, she didn't told me but I realized that I'm emotionally dependant, and this is the root cause of all this chaos.
No one can bring me out of this state, except myself. It's wonderful to have all this support here, my friends, therapy, but no one of them can really clean this mess.
But it's really a shame that readings will have to wait (and I really miss my deck
), but besides this I'll be fine.
Blessings!
It's time to heal my wounds instead of making more, there's no point on "cutting" your emotional self by saying that there's nothing you can do, that it's all your fault, that it'll never end. It's a WAY more productive to spend that time looking for a solution, and healing the damage you suffered.
After all, this phase did bring me something good, the desire to be a therapist, I want to help others that pass through all this hard stuff, someone who they can rely on, music will be always by my side, but psychologists can work on more areas than a music therapist.