Recovering PK Christian
Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2015 1:48 am
H y'all. Apologies in advance if this post is messy. I have so many thoughts to get out
I grew up in a conservative Christian home as a pastor and major theogolian's daughter. My dad has been a Presbyterian pastor all my life and longer. He studied therology in school and went on to get his ordination as well as Master of Divinity and a PhD in theology and culture. His mom is a retired head Presbyterian pastor and his dad is not only a retired pastor but retired Head Presbyter (akin to a bishop) who has started churches from scratch. My dad has published internationally about his faith, is on the board of pensions, and on the board for a national Presbyterian newsletter.
First of all don't get me wrong. I respect Christianity and even more so I respect how deeply rooted my father is in his own faith. But my upbringing has made exploring my spirituality not only difficult, but a path full of fear.
I still belive in Christ the creator. But I also revere and have a relationship with Epona. Additionally, I do not believe in the bible. While I resonate with the fact (or what I percieve as fact anyways) that Jesus came to show his love, I have no trust in what I see to be a masculine account of using fear tactics to control women and all society...aka the bible as we know it.
The thing is.. Despite knowing what I believe, I'm not only afraid of my parents ever finding out, that fear so ingrained in me of going to hell still lingers, popping up every now and then.
I feel strongly connected with Epona but seemingly out of no where I freeze up and panic. It's hard for me being so intuitive yet having struggled with anxiety my whole life to know what is my gut instinct and what is simply fear.
I was thinking one thing to try would be casting a circle and calling upon both Epona and Christ's presence. I've always called on them separately. I would just want to observe them together to be put at ease about my fear that they do not approve of each other. If it's helping me know my path, I can't imagine them not getting along just because Christianity says that God is the only way.
Do you have any resources on pagan/wiccans who incorporate Jesus in their work?
Do you know of any chants that can focus my energy on dispelling fear?
Any other ideas at all? I feel like I'm trapping myself from growth by buying into what I was taught that simply doesn't work with me.
Thank you for reading all this!
Onyx
I grew up in a conservative Christian home as a pastor and major theogolian's daughter. My dad has been a Presbyterian pastor all my life and longer. He studied therology in school and went on to get his ordination as well as Master of Divinity and a PhD in theology and culture. His mom is a retired head Presbyterian pastor and his dad is not only a retired pastor but retired Head Presbyter (akin to a bishop) who has started churches from scratch. My dad has published internationally about his faith, is on the board of pensions, and on the board for a national Presbyterian newsletter.
First of all don't get me wrong. I respect Christianity and even more so I respect how deeply rooted my father is in his own faith. But my upbringing has made exploring my spirituality not only difficult, but a path full of fear.
I still belive in Christ the creator. But I also revere and have a relationship with Epona. Additionally, I do not believe in the bible. While I resonate with the fact (or what I percieve as fact anyways) that Jesus came to show his love, I have no trust in what I see to be a masculine account of using fear tactics to control women and all society...aka the bible as we know it.
The thing is.. Despite knowing what I believe, I'm not only afraid of my parents ever finding out, that fear so ingrained in me of going to hell still lingers, popping up every now and then.
I feel strongly connected with Epona but seemingly out of no where I freeze up and panic. It's hard for me being so intuitive yet having struggled with anxiety my whole life to know what is my gut instinct and what is simply fear.
I was thinking one thing to try would be casting a circle and calling upon both Epona and Christ's presence. I've always called on them separately. I would just want to observe them together to be put at ease about my fear that they do not approve of each other. If it's helping me know my path, I can't imagine them not getting along just because Christianity says that God is the only way.
Do you have any resources on pagan/wiccans who incorporate Jesus in their work?
Do you know of any chants that can focus my energy on dispelling fear?
Any other ideas at all? I feel like I'm trapping myself from growth by buying into what I was taught that simply doesn't work with me.
Thank you for reading all this!
Onyx