Everything Under the Moon

[DISCLAIMER: This is some really heavy stuff. I'm on the verge of a six year break up, life's about to get ugly.]

I'm really freaked out.

It's really heavy what I'm dealing with right now. I'm trying to get out of a co dependent, emotionally abusive relationship. I've been very discreet, very careful. Today I made a move and got myself an advocate from a women's shelter. For a few days I have to just kinda pretend I'm fine and not instigate fights or anything.

All last night at work I was upset, this was on my mind, I was creating a plan of action. I can't stand being a liar the way I am. It's weighing on me heavily.

Today my fiance told me that he had a bad nightmare last night.

He dreamed that we were in the car on the way to his mom's house. We started fighting over everything about how much he's been slacking off and how every issue we've had just erupted. In the dream I told him that I slept all the way across the bed because I just didn't want to be near him and that I kept my third shift job because I wanted to see him as little as possible. In the dream i told him I've been pretending I'm okay because I didn't want to leave his daughter (who I have involved in her life since she was like 2...she's 7 now.)

I froze and I just kinda told him 'I never meant to make you feel that way.'

When I say 'co-dependent' I really mean we are co-dependent. He has managed to put me in a position of life where I'm just financially and emotionally screwed up enough that I'm scared to be without him. He's manipulative and he's managed to change who I am at my core to a point where I pretty much don't recognize myself. Is it possible I'm spiritually attached to him now. Is there a way to sort of sever what's ensnaring me? Does that even make sense? I can't have his dreams telling him what I'm about to do...it's been hard enough to take the steps I have taken.

Get on with it if that's what you're going to do. There's no halfway. You're either in or you're out. If you have chosen to go because of an abusive situation, then you do what you must and don't guilt trip yourself. You can worry about all that crap later.
I wish you strength and favorable circumstances in your now healthier life.

There's a cord cutting rite mentioned by FIreBirdFlys here
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... 37469.html

Stay strong, you have taken some big steps. I'm pretty sure his dream is his insecurities coming to a head. Do be careful and follow through with your advocate. Getting away is one of the hardest bravest things you will ever do for yourself. Take time with the plan and keep your poker face, you'll know when you can take your exit.
On a magical level we were talking about cutting ties in another thread recently. When you are close with someone bonds (cords) are created and now you need to sever them.

(I had typed this last night and forgot to post, sorry)

BB, Firebird

Try the cord cutting that FireBirdFlys suggested! It really works! I’ve tried it before as well! I’m sorry you’re going through this! But, you’re right, you can’t change what’s best for you just because he had a dream. Even if it is precognitive or insecurities building up. It sounds like the split is the best move for both of you. After some time apart and learning to no depend on the other one so much, maybe you could visit and see if there is a way to remain in contact with his daughter. Stay strong and do what is best for you! If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else is going to unfortunately. We’re here to listen is you need.

Rosie

Thank you for your supportive words. I will try that rite.

Airlines will tell you, "In the event of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first." Go ahead and put on your oxygen mask. Take care of yourself.

I can only speak from my own experience,
get out, leave now, don't be manipulated into staying.
Will his daughter be safe if you leave her ? If she is at risk report the situation to any authorities, police, social workers etc get written copies of any reports you make
Keep your self safe