Everything Under the Moon

Hi there, I would realllllllyyyy love somebody to respond to this one if you have the time. Much love!

I always had night terrors and pretty intense sleep walking episodes when growing up. Lots of kids do. But there is an experience I haven't heard many other kids talk about that utterly terrifies me and that I'm unable to talk about out loud without choking.

When I was a younger kid I would have these 'episodes'. My parents would give me a heatpack and go back to bed, they treated it like a stomach ache. We've never talked about it. It weirds me out. I also don't really know how to describe this in words? So sorry if it's dull or 'ranty'.

I would feel as though my hands (and maybe feet, limbs? I think just hands) were very large/heavy/not mine. Like they were made of thick sticks of playdough. Like they were grown man hands. The feeling made me feel sick.

I would hear lots of voices with it, like crammed thoughts, with one most distinct. She had a very heavy, loud voice. She would just repeat whatever I'd think. Or I guess, she was my thoughts - but repeated to me evilly and loudly and with a poisonous, accusing voice. She would tell me how terrible and evil I am. She hacked at my self-esteem. I would also feel as though I was surrounded by spirits. I couldn't actually see them with my eyes open but when I shut my eyes I saw shadows everywhere.

I can't really describe how it felt, but even as I'm typing this it's hard to breathe. She, and my hands, were absolutely unbearable. This experience mostly occurred at nighttime but I also heard her and felt it at random times during the day. Then I could usually push it aside or excuse myself for the sheer will of not wanting to have an episode in public.

I haven't had it in many years, but when I think about it she begins to come back so I have to keep forgetting. I'm sure I'm missing bits and I know this is a scramble, but I was younger and went through several years of building walls and developing methods to block it out.

Should I look more into it to get closure on what that period of my life was/who she is? Am I just insane? Was I being visited by a spirit? (To clarify, as much as this freaks me out I don't think I'm crazy, I'm far too high-functioning and it doesn't happen anymore)

If you can give me feedback in anyway, please please PLEASE do. I've never expressed this in such detail before. I don't know what people's reactions will be.

Blessed be

My deepest sympathy for your long term suffering. This can't have been comfortable to share. On a wild shot, is there any remote chance of an occurrence of molestation as a child? The focussing on the hands, or what the hands were doing? Or It could be a past-life memory intrusion into this life.

Any possible Bi-polar episodes? Bipolar isn't crazy - it is medically treatable. I'm not trained so have no knowledge, just guess work. This & the above could both be related to the voice, IMO.

For it to be spirit attachment you would have had to have had an early encounter of some kind. They don't just randomly show up.

Long shot here, but a few posters with parents involved in government projects, military/defense industry etc., have encountered interference from the Military-Industrial complex. If that's not your immediate family case, skip it. It is extremely difficult to openly discuss, but it is real.

The only way to resolve it is to face it & look into it. That has to be at your own pace & choice. Reopening will temporarily be worse before it gets better. But you've already survived it & that can't change.

Warmest regards and supporting intentions.

The thing with the hands freak me out and what you described is very similar to what I experienced as a child. I do not recall a voice or I just don't remember, I'll ask my mom if she remembers any particulars but the hands ...I would cry and complain they felt very bony, and hard. This was usually accompanying a fever, so my mom chalked it up to delirium at the time. I haven't had this since about 12 years old. Have had fevers since so have no idea about what was going on then. Like Spirit mentioned we wonder how much of this is connected to MIEC.
Bb, Firebird