Everything Under the Moon

When a family member of mine was at the ER I had a dream where I think death was talking to me, telling me I could help him survive but at a price. I had to choose to let him live and then my partner (and soul mate) would die or that my partner could keep being alive but then my family member won't survive. I didn't ask for this more than having hopes for my Fam to survive. I remember the despair I felt and the anxiety and anger and I cried and screamed that they would leave my partner out of this and that I didn't want to choose. The day after I got a call that it was time for my Fam to go and so he died... It was one of our worst days of our lives. I don't know what to think or believe, could be a coincidence with the dream... I haven't told anyone about this, not even people close to me because I think it's either nothing or I've been in denial, feeling responsible and ashamed. I have had dreams that then have come true in real life but I have never dreamed something like this before. I had to share because it's been soon a year now and it haunts me and I think about what I could have done differently. Sorry about my english, it's not my first language.

My goodness how terribly frightening and horrible for you. My condolences.
I think that whenever there is a life and death situation it is very normal for the mind to go through a bargaining kind of phase. Even in our waking hours this can happen. Please do not beat yourself up over this, you are not to blame in any sense.
How long ago did this happen?
Send you light,
Firebird

I take it your fairly young. Early 20's at most? An Introduction would also be helpful. I'm acquainted with Death. I've been there and come back. Death would never do what you described. Death is the mildest of entities. For all the fear Death engenders, there is no need for it. Death waits for you without a complaint. Death will never lie to you. Death is there to ease your transition from this existence to the next one. I think what happened is that you were, for the first time, dealing with human mortality up close and personal. It can play with your subconscious. You presented yourself with the most fearful situation you could think of with your subconscious and brought it to your attention the only way you could - in a dream. It was simply the fear that your first real brush with human mortality brought to you. By the way, you'd never know that English isn't your first language.

Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot! And sorry for late response, it's been a lot to deal with both home and studies. It happened almost a year ago. Time goes by so fast...

I see, it's an interesting point of view. Thank you for sharing. Im almost 30 and unfortunately no, it's not my first death-experience. My father was the first one I saw die in front of me, I was 18 then. He was terminally ill much like my brother-in-law whom I mentioned in my first post. He also died in front of me (and also in front of his and my family). He (brother-in-law) was in a coma and when they called me they told me to come to the hospital because they had decided that it was time to let him go (wanted to clarify that a little bit). It all went very fast. He and my father had the same rare disease which is very weird but I guess it can happen even if the odds are super low that they would. The same year my father died I had two other deaths in my family (cousin and his father). We were close and he was a cousin to me but more like a brother to my two oldest siblings. A couple of years later my uncle, his brother, also died and then two of his beloved cousins died and my mother's cousin died too. It was a strange time... The first time I heard about someone die in my family was when I was 7 I think. It was my uncle's wife who had died of cancer. I didn't know her that well because they lived in another country and we never met and I was young but I remember when we got the call and my dad flew all the way over to attend her funeral. Then some years later in my early troubled teens, some years before my father died my "step"- grand parents died (with a few years apart) and I think that was the first time I was really sad that some one close to me had died. I never got the cance to get to know my biological grand-parents since they were already dead before I was born. Other than that death has kind of been a part of my life since I grew up in a lutheran christian cult (that I left in my early 20s) and there were funerals in my congregation maybe every four years or something like that (more or less) since we were like a "family". A little about myself: My parents were born catholic but converted to this cult I mentioned in their mid 20s and me and my siblings had no choice but to follow. I left this cult in my early 20s and is still seen as an "apostate". You could say that I left with bad consequences but with no regrets. My relatives are catholic and I was recently told that my aunt are and my grandma were practicing "healing" (don't know the proper word in english but I think it is healing) but within the catholic church in Italy. We still have a beverage left from my grandma that is used against nausea which is one of many things she used to make. I am however new to this whole new world since after I left the cult I went anti everything, especially religion since I only have had bad experiences. I was what they would call a militant atheist. But the older you get...and the more the years goes by the more you realise that you ( at least I ) don't know anything (just like Jon Snow :p) and I became more open minded to at least spiritualism and curious about the occult. It was always a BIG "no no" when I grew up since they teached us it was satan and his demons who tried to lure us to their side and that they could hurt you hence that all kind of occultism was evil. Even Harry Potter. In other words when other normal kids were afraid of monsters under the bed I was afraid of magic, satan and demons. So almost a year ago I decided that I would give meditation and Tarot a chance and learn more about spirits and suchlike and I am not disappointed. I feel it actually is a part of me and I feel that it is healthy for me. I am really looking forward to learn and know more but with deep respect since there is a fear still hanging over me in some way but not in the same way as when I was a kid. Oh also, I don't know if it has any meaning to this but one of my birth tarot cards is Death. Sorry for long post. But thank you both of you for your input and I hope you had (and will have) a great weekend! I will think about your wise words.

Can I ask what the name of this cult is? Glad you got out, but I'm curious if you are apostate, is there anyone in your family that is speaking to you?
By the way...please swing by the intro section and let us know a little bit about yourself and your new found path.
Bb, Firebird

Jehovah's Witnesses, maybe you've heard of them ? I think maybe the correct term is more like christian sect or shame society as they are starting to call it here...yes it is true, me and my two siblings (who left 1,5 years after I left, which I am so happy of) are kind of dead to my mother regardless situation...I think I will do that

Oh yes, I've heard of them, we have a sign on our door specifically for them, they don't come knocking anymore
My mom also had an auntie who had been shuned, I think it sucks all the way around. My goodness, to not celebrate the day you come onto the planet? or any other holiday? seems just wrong.
I'm sorry you went through that. Glad you found us!
Blessings, Firebird