Everything Under the Moon

Hello everyone,

I have been a practicing Wiccan for several years now and I know this post is going to probably receive a lot of ridicule seeing as it is about a love spell and manipulating one's free will. Before I explain, let me preface this by saying this person and I were friends and had been involved (casually dating) on and off for a couple years before I performed this spell. I did both a honey jar spell seeing as it is slightly less invasive, and did try the love potion number nine, but did not follow it accurately (did not perform it on the 9th month or on the 9th day) as well as a lot of visualization and manifestation meditations.

I wanted the man I was casually seeing to start seeing me more seriously and to clearly strengthen his feelings and emotions for me in a more romantic sense. I would visualize us as a couple and creating a life together, etc.
WELl..... I would have to say the spell semi worked but not the way I wanted and I am not not sure what to do to help it out! After these were performed he did open up to me more, however it was about his depression, and the once romantic feelings between us turned completely platonic on his end. No more kissing, cuddling, holding hands, anything.

However he wants to hang out every day, and even asked if he could move in with me, but suddenly the romance is gone and he wants to live with me so he can have a friend to help him through his loneliness. This is someone who would hardly see me once or twice a week and suddenly wants to spend every day and night together. But as friends. It's as if the romantic feelings stopped overnight. What on earth could have happened?!?! I am so confused. Please help. This situation is horribly stressing me out. All suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

Starfish, please tell us a bit about yourself in the introductions section. We would love a chance to get to know you better and welcome you formally to the forum.

Oh I would love to! Didn't realize there was an introductions forum but yes absolutely!

It seems to hide from a lot of people when they join the forum, no worries.

My red flag says don't let him move in.

firebirdflys wrote:My red flag says don't let him move in.

As a gentleman, I can tell you this guy doesn't know what he wants. Sadly, he probably won't anytime soon. If he opened up to you about his depression problems he "sees" a solution in you. Hence the want to move in. Please don't let it happen.

The thing with love spells, is that its impossible to force love. What love spells do is fake love. They sometimes fake it with infatuation, attraction, or (as i think you may have done) closeness. These all seem similar at first glance. But infatuation is the first step on the road to obsession, attraction is the first step on the road to coitus friends, and closeness is the first step on the road to a more platonic relationship. And the use a spell, without much rehearsal and preparation can take the second, third, and fourth step on all those roads. What i mean is, the proportion of love spells is hard to nail. And when one adds too much, it can often have a negative outcome.

It is often hard for people to be more open towards loved ones, we are afraid of their rejection. So, by attempting to make him closer to you, his personal preference of having a lover be your bestestestest bff ever in all time, may have been not so inclined. And by magically making him closer to you, you may have pushed him past lover and to reliant friend. And he may be platonicaly infatuated with you now. Like an uber queerplatonic relationship, in other words.

My personal advice would be to outright ask him what he wants. And if he doesnt know, just tell him to call you when he does. Another thing, if he attempts to use his depression to keep you with him, that IS a red flag and a form of emotional abuse. Only do whats healthy for you right now.

Also, there is no need to be worried about ridicule on this sight. We are all here to nurture and grow eachother in the healthiest way possible.

Thank you all for the advice. I am definitely not letting him move in. I have hung out with him (as friends, shocker) the past couple nights and he is just so depressing to be around. He is letting his depression take over and has no zest for life or activities or, well, me. I think he enjoys the security of me but not my actual personality, which again is strange because he used to prior to these little love spell pushes. Maybe I learned my lesson in love spells, even if they were not as invasive as some, they seemed to have done more damage than good. Or maybe the reversal is true and they opened my eyes to his real personality and forced me to become aware of who this person really is without blinders on. Either way, lesson learned. Any advice to maybe reverse some of this and just let nature take its course from here on out? I don't want to do a spell for him to dislike me by any means, I still care for this person, but would like to reverse whatever may have happened if possible. Also, can someone tell me where the introduction section is on this site so I can properly introduce myself haha, this probably wasn't the best first impression!! thanks for the help everyone and blessed be.

Hello, Starfish
This is the intro section.
Now on the subject. I don't want you to take it the wrong way, I don't mean to be harsh, still, this is kinda what happens when you mess with free will.
I wouldn't let the guy move in. Not only that, I would cut the cord and stop seeing him. I know it's going to be hard, but in my view, this will be better for both of you. He may hate you at first, but it will make it easier for him to move on from you. Besides you don't really want someone like that in your life. Someone who shares his depression. You may end up being depressed too. So if I were you, I would stay away from the guy, no matter how hard it may be.

No worries at all, I expected people to be harsh seeing as love spells are typically frowned upon. And I didn't find that harsh. I consider that myself and go back and forth with the idea of stopping the friendship, I just have such a guilt leaving someone who appears to need a friend while they are down, but it is true that his depression in turn is starting to cause myself to feel a little more depressed just due to his negativity towards everything. Also, thank you for the link to the intro section, I hope I properly introduced myself there. Thanks!

Starfish01 wrote:.. I just have such a guilt leaving someone who appears to need a friend while they are down..

Don't worry, that's a human thing.

You may be interested in the following two threads, if nothing else it has a few phone numbers for crisis lines you could pass on to your friend. Just in case.

http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... 30309.html
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... t8810.html

But it's true that when you bring someone into your life who is having challenges with their emotions and their world view, but who also isn't interested in taking responsibility for themselves and seeking out the help that is going to actually help them counter it, no good will ever come of that situation. Especially when you have two little ones to think about.

Knowing where and how to place boundaries in a relationship (no, not the magical kind of boundaries ) is crucial to maintaining your own mental health and that of your family. You need to be able to calmly explain that he's not a bad person, but his current behaviors are not healthy and if he ever wants those feelings to start turning toward the positive he needs to be willing to take those steps to finding help. The crisis line listed in the above link will give him resources, phone numbers, addresses, names, etc... of places he can start connecting with that can provide him with that help.

Love spell induced or not, the end result is the same and it's become a mental health issue rather than a lovestruck issue. And while there does exist some kind of spell reversal protocols (depending on your witchy bend and the methods you use), it's not going to erase all the effects that have happened up to this point. Spells run their course, and once they're set out there's no real way to simply stop it.

That's something we need to be aware of regarding all spellwork, not just love spells. It's why many only work with the positive and try to give little pushes or boosts to existing situations, rather than manipulate/control/destroy/etc...

I think a wrote a novel again... sorry.

I appreciate novels, I enjoy a good read. Thank you for the links and advice! I will try and approach him about the situation next week, (no one wants to ruin the Fourth of July!) I will absolutely keep you all informed and I truly appreciate all the input and response.

I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible.

I think sometimes we look for a magickal solution when perhaps a non magickal one is best. Depression by nature is consuming. It's most insidious symptom is the need to wallow in it. Perhaps you can help him draw some bounderies in what he allows and doesn't allow his mind to dwell on. And also help him replace those things with more positive and healthful lines of thought. Bounderies will also help you in that it will keep his negative energy from weighing you down.