I am desperate.
Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:40 pm
I must begin by being honest, and say that I know very little about this site or its contents. Please forgive me if I am posting this in the wrong place, or if it is out of line in some way. My intentions are good. I just want advice and help.
Let me tell you what brings me here. I was upset a few years ago; I was sad after a breakup and couldn't seem to let it go. I ran across this site... I didn't know if I believed in any of this. I'd only seen it in movies, etc. But I did this: http://www.everythingunderthemoon.net/s ... ishing.htm absolutely exactly as it says. And my heartache was cured. He faded away and I was released. It felt like a miracle. (I don't believe in miracles but I'm not sure what other word to use for it). Afterwards I was happily single for the longest time I have ever been, since puberty.
Let me try to sum up what has happened since then. I've fallen for a genuine con artist. I let him into my home, to live with me and my children. We accepted him as family. My children trusted him, and that has NEVER happened, not even with their own father. (their father relinquished his parental rights when they were just babies). This man has lived with us for over a year. He promised my children that he was nothing like their father and that he would never leave us. Just a week before he left he was talking about taking family photos in front of the Christmas tree this year. When he said these things to my children and I, he already knew that he would not be here by then. He and I spoke and dreamt about our future constantly. We had plans for when the kids were grown and gone, and I retired. All the while he was telling another "woman" he couldn't wait to be with her.
I found out on the 20th of October that he has been romantically involved with her for several months. Not only that, but he spent that weekend with her. Having sex with her, etc. He told me he "just needed time alone to think" and insisted all weekend long that this was the case. I found the truth accidentally. I saw the messages between them. Naked pictures. Declarations of love. And worst of all. He had sex with me every single day the week before, and would tell her he couldn't wait to be with her immediately after. He even had sex with me the day that he left to go and see her, and so he had sex with both of us on the same day. All the while still telling me he loved me, still promising futures to my children, still using me. All his communication with this "woman" was done on the phone and devices that I was paying for, and he went to see her in the car that I was also paying for.
He conned me out of everything he could. He manipulated me into buying him things. He would pout, he would act miserable. He would go so far as to refuse to speak to me or my children, giving us all the silent treatment, and even sleep on the hardwood floor of the guest room without a blanket, instead of in my bed, because I would not put an iPad on my credit card for him. Guilt was his weapon against me. Thousands and thousands of dollars of debt later, and he's left me for her. To say that my children are devastated is an understatement. We have all cried and cried together. I haven't seen my son cry since he was a small child, until this.
And he's still messing with me. I am weak, and message him occasionally. I begged him to just block me, to just not respond to me, so that I could heal. He won't. It's mind games. I even stooped so low as to as him to come home and he all but promised he would... so much so that I actually told my daughter. And then of course both our hearts were broken. We watched our phones every second of that night, waiting for the call that he wanted to come home. He never even had the guts to say he wasn't. He just stopped responding. How I wish I hadn't told her. How I wish I had spared her that heartache. I would never have mentioned it to her if I hadn't really believed he was coming home.
There's so much more to the story. Too much to type or interest anyone I'm sure. The point is that I am devastated, heartbroken, defeated. I have never felt this way in my life. I've never given myself so fully to anyone. I've been borderline suicidal. I've not eaten or slept. I've been to the doctor three times this month and lost 17 pounds. Everything I put in my mouth makes me gag, I cannot eat, and I vomit or dry heave constantly. I've lost my will to survive. I can't even be strong for my kids. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I think of him day and night. I can't refrain from trying to contact him and every time I do I just hate myself even more. I'm ashamed, I am weak. The thought of other men makes me want to vomit. I've tried meditation, creative outlets, exercise, forcing positive thoughts. I swear I have really tried. It is physically painful to get up every morning and dress. Every morning that I wake up I wish I hadn't.
So, I'm sorry if this post is random and inappropriate. I am sorry it is long. It is only the tip of the iceberg. I just remembered that one time I did the banishing spell from here, and how it helped me. So I am begging. Someone please give me a suggestion. Tell me if something here would help me. If nothing else, tell me I'm in the wrong place and maybe point me in the right direction. Please help.
Let me tell you what brings me here. I was upset a few years ago; I was sad after a breakup and couldn't seem to let it go. I ran across this site... I didn't know if I believed in any of this. I'd only seen it in movies, etc. But I did this: http://www.everythingunderthemoon.net/s ... ishing.htm absolutely exactly as it says. And my heartache was cured. He faded away and I was released. It felt like a miracle. (I don't believe in miracles but I'm not sure what other word to use for it). Afterwards I was happily single for the longest time I have ever been, since puberty.
Let me try to sum up what has happened since then. I've fallen for a genuine con artist. I let him into my home, to live with me and my children. We accepted him as family. My children trusted him, and that has NEVER happened, not even with their own father. (their father relinquished his parental rights when they were just babies). This man has lived with us for over a year. He promised my children that he was nothing like their father and that he would never leave us. Just a week before he left he was talking about taking family photos in front of the Christmas tree this year. When he said these things to my children and I, he already knew that he would not be here by then. He and I spoke and dreamt about our future constantly. We had plans for when the kids were grown and gone, and I retired. All the while he was telling another "woman" he couldn't wait to be with her.
I found out on the 20th of October that he has been romantically involved with her for several months. Not only that, but he spent that weekend with her. Having sex with her, etc. He told me he "just needed time alone to think" and insisted all weekend long that this was the case. I found the truth accidentally. I saw the messages between them. Naked pictures. Declarations of love. And worst of all. He had sex with me every single day the week before, and would tell her he couldn't wait to be with her immediately after. He even had sex with me the day that he left to go and see her, and so he had sex with both of us on the same day. All the while still telling me he loved me, still promising futures to my children, still using me. All his communication with this "woman" was done on the phone and devices that I was paying for, and he went to see her in the car that I was also paying for.
He conned me out of everything he could. He manipulated me into buying him things. He would pout, he would act miserable. He would go so far as to refuse to speak to me or my children, giving us all the silent treatment, and even sleep on the hardwood floor of the guest room without a blanket, instead of in my bed, because I would not put an iPad on my credit card for him. Guilt was his weapon against me. Thousands and thousands of dollars of debt later, and he's left me for her. To say that my children are devastated is an understatement. We have all cried and cried together. I haven't seen my son cry since he was a small child, until this.
And he's still messing with me. I am weak, and message him occasionally. I begged him to just block me, to just not respond to me, so that I could heal. He won't. It's mind games. I even stooped so low as to as him to come home and he all but promised he would... so much so that I actually told my daughter. And then of course both our hearts were broken. We watched our phones every second of that night, waiting for the call that he wanted to come home. He never even had the guts to say he wasn't. He just stopped responding. How I wish I hadn't told her. How I wish I had spared her that heartache. I would never have mentioned it to her if I hadn't really believed he was coming home.
There's so much more to the story. Too much to type or interest anyone I'm sure. The point is that I am devastated, heartbroken, defeated. I have never felt this way in my life. I've never given myself so fully to anyone. I've been borderline suicidal. I've not eaten or slept. I've been to the doctor three times this month and lost 17 pounds. Everything I put in my mouth makes me gag, I cannot eat, and I vomit or dry heave constantly. I've lost my will to survive. I can't even be strong for my kids. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I think of him day and night. I can't refrain from trying to contact him and every time I do I just hate myself even more. I'm ashamed, I am weak. The thought of other men makes me want to vomit. I've tried meditation, creative outlets, exercise, forcing positive thoughts. I swear I have really tried. It is physically painful to get up every morning and dress. Every morning that I wake up I wish I hadn't.
So, I'm sorry if this post is random and inappropriate. I am sorry it is long. It is only the tip of the iceberg. I just remembered that one time I did the banishing spell from here, and how it helped me. So I am begging. Someone please give me a suggestion. Tell me if something here would help me. If nothing else, tell me I'm in the wrong place and maybe point me in the right direction. Please help.