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SilverShades

Say hello and tell us a little bit about you and your interests.

SilverShades

Postby SilverShades » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:23 pm

Hello. I'm SilverShades. I'm 28, nearly 29. I am agender with a female body. I like reading, video games, board games and social justice. I dislike apathy, willful ignorance and potatoes. I'm a social worker, currently working in medical case management. I live in the U.S. in the Northwest.

I guess I am here because I feel called to it. I have this long complicated relationship with the term witch and with spirituality and religion in general. I have always been not normal, in a variety of ways. When I was young I was always fascinated by "the occult".

My family is not religious. If you ask them they'd probably claim being Christians but I never went to a church until I was 14 and religion was a basic non-entity for me before that point. That being said, no one in my family is a witch either or at least doesn't identify that way.

When I was in grade school, one of the PTA mom's accused me of practicing witchcraft and teaching it to the other kids. This was probably around the time of the Harry Potter books just getting popular and suddenly everyone was worried about witches and witchcraft. At the time I hadn't even read a Harry Potter book. I was just a weird kid, that did weird stuff, saw weird stuff and said weird stuff and weird stuff tended to gravitate towards me. But due to this accusation a lot of the parents wouldn't let me play with their kids anymore and I lost most of my friends. I was ostracized so bad that eventually our teacher had to intercede on my behalf and tell this lady to stop calling me a witch and reassure the other parents I was not teaching anyone witchcraft. But after that experience I couldn't get the thought out of my head that maybe I am a witch. Maybe that can explain my weirdness and the things that happen to me and the weird things I sometimes feel I should do.

But exploring that option wasn't really viable. This was before internet access was widely available and it's not like I could go out on my own to find people who could explain this stuff to me. Then when I was in the 7th grade, I was targeted again. Me and one of my friends had played around with some stick on body jewelry and I had left mine on my face in the sun so I had a white image of a moon inside a sun on my cheek. The principle of my middle school took me aside and asked me if I was into "the occult" and warned me against the "evils of witchcraft". At the time I thought it was a ridiculous over reaction to what he thought was a fake tattoo but in hindsight here is another person out of the blue pegging me for a witch.

Then my mother divorced my father, my father passed away and my mother married a self proclaimed "conservative Christian". Hence going to church suddenly at 14. The witch thing took an immediate back seat to my gender identity and sexuality (I'm agender and pansexual - at 14 I didn't even have the words but I knew I was not straight and was a miserable excuse for a girl). We went to a church that made us watch videos proclaiming gay people were mentally ill or evil. I devoted all my spiritual and social energy to making sure no one knew I wasn't cis-hetero. Luckily by high school I had won my freedom from being forced to go to church and at least was able to dodge that mess for the most part though me and the step parent were constantly going toe toe because I was not "a good submissive girl" and he felt that I was too independent and smart for a girl.

The other thing I should mention is I am a powerful empath. In high school this was a totally overwhelming experience. By then I was able to get online and I found a community on another forum for the "indigo children". There I learned about what empaths were and how to get a handle on protecting myself. I really locked on to this concept of being an empath because I could quantify it and later on in college and grad school I found actual scientific research that backed up the empathic experience. Mirror Neurons and Mirror Touch Synthesia. These are real things that science have proven. I didn't have to rely on spirituality or intuition to make people believe in these things. I could explain part of my weirdness in a way that people had to validate.

But even through out all of that the word witch has been floating around in my mind. I have been learning bits and pieces about what it really means and what it really is. Since I was a kid I think I have been doing magick (I think that's the right term?) spells. I would gather certain plants and other natural things from certain special locations and do rituals that were just instinctual. The feeling I get with water and with candles sometimes, like if I can just focus on these things everything will come together and I can find a way forward.

Last year I listened to a podcast on witchcraft, a news piece with an interview from a practicing witch and so much of what she said sounded so familiar to me. I found a book on paganism in the library and read that. It's all just been percolating in my mind and heart all last year and now I'm here.

I don't really know what I'm here for. Community maybe? Validation of my identity? I can't study spells and magick. When I sit down to try, it just doesn't feel right. It's like there is this power in me that tells me I already know, that I don't need to go looking, I just need to listen and do what feels right.

It makes me wonder about my heritage. I don't have much family left and what I do I'm not close to because of my gender identity and sexuality. I have been thinking a lot what if witch is just the old term for things like empath and psychic? And it definitely has a history of being used against independent women and people who don't conform to gender roles and sexual norms. Part of learning about witches and paganism has felt like a homecoming to me. I feel a connection to it that I have never felt with any other spiritual or religious practice. Is it something in my genetic history. Does this thing run in your blood? I don't know. There is just so much I don't understand yet.

So I'm not sure why I'm here just yet. But being here, writing this, it feels right. It feels like this is the next step.

So hopefully my path will be revealed.

Thanks for reading my exceedingly long introduction. <3
SilverShades
 
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Re: SilverShades

Postby SnowCat » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:45 am

Welcome. My tired brain read "working in medical case mis-management." You may find answers here that you didn't know the questions to.
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Re: SilverShades

Postby SpiritTalker » Thu Dec 06, 2018 12:37 pm

Welcome to the fold. You sound perfectly normal to me :D re: WC in the blood ... Just my take on this is that the crystalline makeup in blood resonates to the Earth's frequency & this is experienced as psychic activity. We do feel the energy in our bones, literally. Geez, my teeth buzz & the tip of my nose numbs when I get within 500 feet of those giant power line towers. It's not woo-woo.
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Re: SilverShades

Postby SilverShades » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:56 pm

SnowCat wrote:Welcome. My tired brain read "working in medical case mis-management." You may find answers here that you didn't know the questions to.


Lol sometimes it feels like mis-management! The bureaucracy and capitalist barriers make helping people much harder than it should be! Anyways I hope that I do find answers and some questions too. :)

SpiritTalker wrote:Welcome to the fold. You sound perfectly normal to me :D re: WC in the blood ... Just my take on this is that the crystalline makeup in blood resonates to the Earth's frequency & this is experienced as psychic activity. We do feel the energy in our bones, literally. Geez, my teeth buzz & the tip of my nose numbs when I get within 500 feet of those giant power line towers. It's not woo-woo.


Yes I feel electricity in my bones. Close to those power lines, before lightening and when trying to jump start cars. It's a common experience in the empath community too. This is why I suspect they are part of the same thing. Just using different words and lens for similar experiences. I'm trying to let go of my strict scientific grip because I do so ardently believe that there is so much we don't know (although I think some of what we 'don't know' can be explained outside the mainstream) and can't be explained by current science. Thanks for your welcomes :)
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Re: SilverShades

Postby SnowCat » Fri Dec 07, 2018 1:34 am

I think I read "mus-managenent," because I had just come off a very challenging shift. My alter ego is a nurse.
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