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Prayers for a broken heart and courage

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Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby missbelladonna » Sat Jul 13, 2019 9:05 pm

This is such a wild story, but I feel like I need to share and be honest about it somewhere. This feels like such a sacred place to me, and you guys are the most supportive people. I'll try not to make it too long.

I work in an office at school. This office is for some of the professors that don't have an office and other administrative staff. Naturally, I interact with a lot of them, and I am very friendly with many of them despite being a student. There's this professor that comes in (we'll call him John), and I had never met him prior to signing up for his class. It was just the difference in our schedules that we hadn't met, so I didn't know who he was until I told people I signed up for his class.

John is in his 60s. I am almost 20. He was flirting with me from the moment he called my name on the role. I was the "lovely young lady in the front." He is very handsome, and I liked the attention a lot. I think that's why it kept going. Then he found out I worked in his office, so the flirting didn't just stop in class, and we ended up spending time together while was at work. It started with him stopping his lectures to tell me I looked nice to asking if someone "kissed off" my lipstick and one time he jokingly asked me to marry him in class. I know it was inappropriate, but I really didn't think it was creepy because I encouraged it. In fact, I got quite attached to him.

Finally, he submitted my grade, and he finally got me alone and we started talking. I didn't think he would actually ask me out (I told my boss about all this, and he said he's just really flirty and it probably doesn't mean anything), but he did. He said we should "have iced tea sometime." I said no because I know it's a bad idea to do that with someone so much older and someone I see at work... but a few weeks passed of him not being around and I really missed him. I ended up sending an email saying I wanted to "discuss iced tea," and he said he would be on campus sometime the next week and to tell him when I worked. I didn't want to tell him I wanted to date him, but I felt like I needed to tell him I had gotten to attached and this was getting really emotional for me and I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt.

He never showed up. I always knew he was bad for me and it was a terrible terrible idea, but I was so hurt. I feel like I did something wrong. Or maybe he's mad at me. Or he just doesn't care enough. I don't know, and I'm glad he didn't come, but I'm going to see him next semester at work. I'm so embarrassed and hurt, and I'm angry at him because he really played with my emotions. I know we were both in the wrong for taking it so far, but he encouraged me as much as I encouraged him.

Please pray that I can just forget about him and I can stop hurting over it. Please pray that I have strength to see him, when I'm sure he'll go back to telling me what he thinks I want to hear, that I can pull away so I won't get hurt again.
"Keep your heels, head, and standards high." -Coco Chanel
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Re: Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby firebirdflys » Sun Jul 14, 2019 1:42 am

my best to you. Unrequited love really sucks. Though pretty unprofessional on his part, I totally know how you feel and I hope your angst and pain are soon healed.
Think on this as one of those things to gain insight and growth from.
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Re: Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby SpiritTalker » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:00 am

Isn't it possible that J didn't show up because he had the same concerns about the sustainability of the relationship that you had & hoped the quickest, cleanest wounds heal fastest?
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Re: Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby missbelladonna » Sun Sep 08, 2019 8:46 pm

Thanks for all the support everyone! To update you on this, my theory was correct. John didn't come and see me because he just didn't feel like it. He was back to sweet talking to me the moment he came in. He gave me a whole "I wanted to come up here on a Thursday night to come see my girl" thing but I know very well he was in bed watching Seinfeld reruns.

The other day, I kind of overheard him talking about how he manipulates women. Long story short, I'm not his only "girl" and he was explaining his tactics for getting women attached to him (making lots of eye contact, saying their names a lot, being gentle and listening so they tell all their friends he's not like other men on the first date. then he pretends his car breaks down on the second date to get what he wants, how he flirted with a girl that works in the cafeteria last spring, and his "roommate") within earshot of my desk. He then promptly had the nerve to "my girl" and "my love" me on his way out as if I wouldn't be able to hear him blatantly talk about things he does to me on the daily.

I can't say I'm surprised, but I feel stupid and humiliated and he's going to start catching onto the fact that I can't look at him soon enough. I'm sure he'll try to "sweetheart what's wrong" his way out of it, but I was in an abusive relationship before. This was the first time I've felt anything for anyone since then. I wanted to believe he liked me because I made him happy and I had something to offer and not because I was easy and accessible like my abuser did.

I think I dodged a bullet here, and I definitely gained some insight about the fact that I still haven't recovered from my trauma. I'm in therapy again, and I'm confident that it'll all be okay and I'll feel better soon. This has all been giving me so much anxiety, and I'm glad I'm ready to let it go.
"Keep your heels, head, and standards high." -Coco Chanel
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Re: Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby SpiritTalker » Mon Sep 09, 2019 8:20 am

You've come a long ways & have much to be proud of.
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Re: Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby missbelladonna » Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:21 am

Thank you SpiritTalker. I'm feeling a bit better now, and I know this happened for the best. The universe brought me and him together to teach me something, and now I know.
"Keep your heels, head, and standards high." -Coco Chanel
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Re: Prayers for a broken heart and courage

Postby SL » Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:12 am

missbelladonna wrote:I was in an abusive relationship before


I'm so sorry about that, this is where I pray for your healing.


missbelladonna wrote:Please pray that I can just forget about him and I can stop hurting over it. Please pray that I have strength to see him, when I'm sure he'll go back to telling me what he thinks I want to hear, that I can pull away so I won't get hurt again.


Sorry at first I misread your topic, I thought you were working there, but you are just a student. We have 18, but if you live in US don't you have the adulthood line set at 21? Looks like his conduct was not really legal. I wonder if one can silently collect evidence for such misconduct, evidence that would be sufficient at court?

To flirting at work, I think I'm going to break someone's heart too. Or at least make her very annoyed and upset as I'll suddenly lose interest.

There are long discussions about flirting at work, people sometimes even claim "left my love for co-worker, and I regret it every day." Some say they flirt out of boredom. Some claimed "where else are we supposed to meet people?"

It is hard to have clear in one's mind. I went like
1. Not flirting back would be too stiff and awkward, so let's be a bit friendly for a change.
2. She's cute and feels like a blessing
3. Reminding myself no way to date ordinary people as I see ghosts.

As you can see, one's reasons to reject or change mind can be a bit more complicated too.

For people like us, formal workplace might not be the right kind of environment to seek people close to our spirit.

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