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Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

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Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Einarr » Fri Jan 08, 2016 9:39 am

If not an impasse, it’s definitely a bump in the road. I’ve been reading, writing and studying as much as I have time to do. I’ve been learning more and more. With this knowledge some things have become clear; 1) I have much, much more to learn, 2) I know this feeling of being drawn to this way of life is not a mistake, 3) I have a clearer understanding of what areas of the pagan path resonate with me.

That’s the good news. My problem is I’m the only one in my non-virtual life that is aware of the path I have chosen. I realize that most have a negative view of anything that is not in line with their “Christian” upbringing. This if why I have no desire to make it known to any and all acquaintances. The only person I feel should be aware is my wife. I’m not sure how she would react. She is far from religious, she’s like a lot of people who say they believe in god but do not actually practice a religion. Not only do I not know how she would take it, I’m not sure how to communicate this to her. I realize now the best time would have been when I first started looking into it, that way I could have just said I’m interested in this subject so I’m doing some research. The time for that has long past.

I guess I’m wondering if any others are, or have been in similar situations? If so how are, or how have you handled it?
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Vendredi » Fri Jan 08, 2016 2:49 pm

Hi Einara.

You know, I sat down here to start typing up how I have handled this with my partner, and as I was trying to string the words together in my head, I just kept repeating to myself, "Our situation is unique." You don't need to hear what I did or didn't do, because your situation is unique, too.

So here's what I think. You and your wife have a communication style that (ideally) works really well for the two of you. What is it? Well, go with that. (She probably has noticed that you're spending a lot of time doing something, and probably can feel that you've been changing somehow. Wives typically ain't clueless.)
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby blue_moon » Fri Jan 08, 2016 3:34 pm

You can still tell her you researched out of interest - I don't tell my husband every time I start looking into something - and he doesn't tell me. But when we do have our things and interests sorted out we do. In our individual way.

I've already studied witchcraft and mythology when I first met my husband. So this again is another situation! But me being a witch is still a sensitive issue (after 20 years... and 11 years of marriage).
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Einarr » Sat Jan 09, 2016 7:23 am

Vendredi wrote:So here's what I think. You and your wife have a communication style that (ideally) works really well for the two of you. What is it? Well, go with that. (She probably has noticed that you're spending a lot of time doing something, and probably can feel that you've been changing somehow. Wives typically ain't clueless.)


Thanks, I've always done a lot of reading so that does not draw suspicion. I also have a lot of free time at work to pursue my pagan interests. I just do not know how to bring it up in the first place.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Einarr » Sat Jan 09, 2016 7:26 am

blue_moon wrote:You can still tell here you researched out of interest - I don't tell my husband every time I start looking into something - and he doesn't tell me. But when we do have our things and interests sorted out we do. In our individual way.
.

I guess this would be a good way to handle it, thanks for your input.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Winter Wind » Sat Jan 09, 2016 8:51 am

As Vendredi and blue_moon, my situation is also unique, but I have to agree with you on refusing to make anyone know about it, it's fine! Most people don't even notice these changes... that is, if you don't scream "Yes, I'm a witch, deal with it!" like I did. :roll:
If your relationship with your wife is as healthy as it seems to be then you won't have problems with her, even if she gets astonished when you tell her about your studies, it's okay because she might be concerned about your well being.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Einarr » Sat Jan 09, 2016 9:07 pm

Winter Wind wrote:As Vendredi and blue_moon, my situation is also unique, but I have to agree with you on refusing to make anyone know about it, it's fine! Most people don't even notice these changes... that is, if you don't scream "Yes, I'm a witch, deal with it!" like I did. :roll:
If your relationship with your wife is as healthy as it seems to be then you won't have problems with her, even if she gets astonished when you tell her about your studies, it's okay because she might be concerned about your well being.

I'm not sure whether she will be surprised or interested. I guess my hope would be that she would develop a curiosity about it. It would be awesome to share this with her.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Kassandra » Sun Jan 10, 2016 12:52 am

.



Haha, wouldn't it be ironic if she's been a witch this whole time herself. What a hearty laugh you would both have.

I think your "I’m interested in this subject so I’m doing some research" approach is a brilliant ice-breaker, a safe reaction-gauge. And it's not a lie. You are interested in this subject, and you have been doing research, so...

I say, go for it, dude.





.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Myrth » Sun Jan 10, 2016 5:12 am

Once I knew it was starting to get serious in my relationship with my now husband, I broached the subject of spirituality. I first indicated that I am deeply spiritual, but not into organized religion. He was happy to hear that. I then began to discuss where I was on my pagan path at that time. The word "witch" came later in the discussion. He began referring to me as his broom navigator. This conversation can go very well for you, since your wife sounds like she doesn't really buy into any organized religion either. Love and light to you both. :flyingwitch:
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Einarr » Mon Jan 11, 2016 9:58 am

Kassandra wrote:Haha, wouldn't it be ironic if she's been a witch this whole time herself. What a hearty laugh you would both have.

Yes that would be quite a shocker, but funny at the same time.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby HopefulChild » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:14 pm

I've changed my mind.

I'm not much of a helper.
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby Xiao Rong » Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:15 pm

Einara, you're not alone! I was nervous about telling my (atheist) boyfriend that I was studying witchcraft and Paganism for a while (we'd already been dating 3 years). I don't think I said anything to him until about a year into my studies, partially because I was worried about his reaction. I needn't have worried, because it turned out fine -- he was accepting and respectful, even if it was not the path for him.

But I believe I was right to hold off on telling him until I was confident that this was my path and that I had a good enough grasp on it to be able to answer his questions in an informed way.

The most important thing is really about respect -- that your spouse can accept and respect this is an important part of you, even if they are not interested in it themselves. If you're expecting ridicule or another negative reaction, that's a red flag for the relationship (and I'm not saying that about your spouse specifically -- that's just been my experience from a lot of members here on the forum who have had similar concerns).
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Re: Not Sure How My Spouse Would React to My Pagan Path

Postby MsMollimizz » Tue Mar 08, 2016 7:49 pm


When I met my hubby He was far from going to church !
He usually said the roof would fall in on him if he went to church.
I was still in the broom closet with everyone.
Fast-forward 5yrs we married and moved down to the high desert
to help his Mom and Sis with rent. Both of them were Episcopalian...
...and now they have hubby going to church ! How do you bow out
of going to church without feeling like I let down the whole house !
So, I'd go unless I found a decent excuse...
After their Mom passed, we were invited to share rent with the Brother
and his wife. Shortly before this took place there was a huge fight
between hubby and I and I was ready to leave him.
He had a meltdown and spent a few days in mental
region of VA hosp. Prior he talked to their Pastor
Father Liz (yeah, female), I was unsure about moving
in with them they are also Episcopalian also.
By now my path has grown greatly and I've got my
head in any book I could find. Found a small blank
book at library's book sale, my first BOS !
After talking with Father Liz(nice Lady!) we sat
down with Jack and Grace, and I let it out, "I'm pagan"
not saying witch, Gracie older than Jack by 10yrs and
she's "old school Iowa". Okay that out of the way...
On to you, have you any pagan books-gentle ones like
Cunningham's that she could read ? Cunningham's are
easy to see yourself in the text even if you are not pagan.
Having one of those sitting on table may lead you into
elaborating on your thoughts and beliefs ???
Just a thought
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P.S. Please let us know how things work out. okay ?
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it is the illusion of knowledge." Steven Hawkings
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