~ EUTM ~ Forum for Witchcraft & Wiccan Spirituality

[Marigold]

It has been awhile since I have posted, but glad to be back.

Last night I was sending out an email to a friend and had an epiphany of sorts.

I have been unhappy in most aspects of my life for about ten years now. It coincided with a relatively early onset of menopause.

In any case, last night, I realized that I seem to currently be experiencing the negative aspects of almost all of my decisions since moving away from home many years ago. For example, hubby has become extremely draining and noncontributory, kids (tho wonderful) have become extremely draining due to college bills etc. , job is extremely stressful and difficult, aging parent, the house that I loved is falling apart due to hubby's laziness etc.

It is like I am stuck running on a hamster wheel and can't improve any of it no matter what I do or how hard I try. This is very very different than my life used to be. Maybe I was just very fortunate, but for years good things just sort of fell into my lap. Now, I can't seem to improve anything. In the past ten years I have lost so much that would have allowed me more freedoms. Plus, I feel like I am being used as a cash cow which leads me to my hypothesis.

Now, it could just be a phase of life, but if I thought that, I would not be on this board. I suspect I have had a binding (or more) put on me, maybe intentionally, maybe unintentionally. Not only can I not improve anything mundanely, but I can't find the time or energy for spellwork so it is a vicious cycle. My energy is gone and my courage for risk taking. I literally am a shell of who I used to be. Oh, and btw, I also used to be thin. I have since gained 40 pounds. Also understand that it is to the benefit of several people to keep me stuck where I am so that is why I think there is a binding.

Any suggestions on how to break this cycle would be appreciated.

[Evanthe]

I am sorry that you are so unhappy. It sounds like a midlife or just life crisis to me, which is even harder to deal with if you have had it easy at some point. It's impossible to be happy when all aspects of your life are under stress. I would try to do something for yourself first, to get some of you back and give you the strength to face the harder stuff. You need to make time for yourself no matter what. Working with candles is easy and doesn't take a lot of time or energy and might be a good place to start. The untended garden does get weedy.

[One Walker]

I'm not sure if this is an actual binding or not. These several people you speak of would have to go well out of their way to target you like that. People may resent you or wish you ill luck in passing but that's not the same as an actual binding spell. Are you getting drained or just slowing down? And things no longer fall into your lap? That doesn't seem to me to be a real indicator since your case was an exception rather than the norm. Most people do not have everything automatically fall in their laps.

I think things are just changing for you. If I could split my life up into ten year segments they would all be radically different from each other. I've had what you would call "bad decades" as well as good ones and I think in these times there's a huge number of people all over the world experiencing a peak of negative aspects because we're heading for fundamental change on a planetary scale. Lots of things coming to a head right now.

To break this cycle of yours I would suggest two things:

A) Look back at what you've left undone over the past ten years and make a real effort to correct or start correcting it.

B) Look for new avenues to explore. Maybe explore new curiosities, or old ones you never had the time for before. And perhaps try to instill this in your husband and kids. If their draining energy from you it's because they are running low themselves, hence they are probably feeling the same general effect as you. You stand a much better chance breaking the cycle together than alone.

Just some ideas.

One Walker.

[Marigold]

Thanks to both Evanthe and One Walker

I agree that I need to make time and I try to as much as possible. When I do, I agree I feel much better.

I also agree that I have had phases in my life which are around 10 years in length. This is the longest period I have gone in which I have felt very unable to control or change my life circumstances. The last time things were actually peaceful was 2001. Therefore, I am hoping that this phase is coming to a close and I can move back into a more contented period.

I think that in one case, there was/is a formal binding spell, but one done by fundamentalists. In the other cases, I think it was just jealousy but I do believe that persons can do plenty of damage even by just strong intent without ever doing a formal spell or realizing the person is doing spellwork. Kind of like the evil eye.

I have been trying candle magick but I just don't have the physical time or focus to actually do spellwork. I also try to do meditation and visualization when I can. I am just hoping that something will break this cycle. All of us have been feeling this including the kids.

Anyways, thanks again to both of you for responding.

[MsMollimizz]

I was wondering Marigold, you've had a little more than
a month and I was hoping you're doing better now...?
Hope so :~)
Gentle Light
MsMolli

[Marigold]

Thank you for checking in, MsMolli. That is kind of you.

Not really. Sometimes and some days are a bit better than others but overall it is basically the same. My intention is to start doing more spellwork to see if that helps to bring back my skills.

[Sparkles]

Hi Marigold,

I don't know if this will help you at all but why don't you try cleansing your mind/body and soul. Beltane is coming up, you have a couple of weeks to prepare, on this night why don't you take some alone time, cleanse yourself inside and out and see if this helps.

I hope things improve for you, sometimes just talking about it makes it easier xx

[Marigold]

Hi Sparkles

Interesting that you should say that. Beltane was a very special time for me a number of years ago. It was the night that I met my soulmate. If there was ever evidence of truth in the belief that that is the night when the veil is thin, that was it- at least for me.

Not to continue to whine, but even that relationship has taken a turn for the worse.

I have tried to do some cleansings. Last weekend I purged a closet that held a lot of memories. Some good, some awful. It did feel lighter and still does. I also occasionally take time for personal cleansings, but they only seem to last for a short time and then I get all icky again.

I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and everything from at least basic physical checks out.

I have gone through bad times before, but I have always gotten over them because something good would happen that would allow me to put whatever it was behind me. This time, it seems like it has been a long number of years on the hamster wheel with no chance to get off and spend enough time out of this cycle to relearn being positive.

Well, we'll see. Thanks to everyone.

[firebirdflys]

Hi there Marigold I know this a kinda old thread, but I really resonated with your story, Have things got any better at all? It is extremely frustrating to feel like you are doing all the work, towing the line and being the sole wage winner. I myself have thought about a binding or some other magic to put a fire under the LAZY one. I haven't done any manipulative magic really, but honestly... something's gotta give...BB, Firebird