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I'm losing my mind…

Discuss mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts, here.

I'm losing my mind…

Postby HippieWitch » Thu Apr 30, 2015 7:26 pm

I think I really am. It scares me because I have the most beautiful, smart, and loving fiancée ever who depends on me for emotional support. She would attempt suicide if I went through with it… that's all that stopped me last night.

I have an ex that, in all reality I still love, that is verbally abusive and I can't get away from her. She did so much to me last night I was sitting in the field under the stars with my 9mm pistol. I put it in my mouth and had it ready to fire… the thought of my fiancée finding out is all that stopped me.

Where I live just makes things worse. I live at my parents, who verbally abuse me still even though I'm 30 now… I stay so depressed I can't leave because I can't work from the depression.

I'm at my wits end… don't know how to get out of this hell anymore…
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby AdastraJunction » Thu Apr 30, 2015 7:52 pm

Fist off you should read this from our Mod Vesca.

Vesca wrote:Mental health is a thing. This is why this forum exists.

Mental illness, disorders, challenges, and unresolved internal conflicts are also a thing. This is why this post exists.

This goes without saying, but this forum is not a substitute for professional health (GP, therapists, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc...). All the advice given here should be understood as being given by those with a genuine concern and wish to help others, possibly (but not always) taken from personal experience,etc... But not by health care professionals.

In this subsection, safety is paramount. Spells and magic are not going to cure mental/emotional challenges and they are not a substitute for proper mental health care. If you are having a hard time functioning in your day-to-day life due to mental challenges or are having thoughts of self harm or harming others, you need to seek professional help. No ifs or buts. This should be your first phone call.

This section serves as a way to share and discuss our troubles with others and seek advice or insight, but it is absolutely not a substitute for professional care.

If you feel you need to talk to a professional, here are some pointers regarding where to start:

    :elkrune: Talk to your GP about what you are going through. If they can't diagnose, prescribe, or give you coping tools, they can at least recommend you to someone who can.

    :elkrune:If your GP won't help you for whatever reason, you need to push the envelope and either tell your GP everything that has been going on or seek a second opinion elsewhere. Full disclosure is paramount when it comes to mental issues. The doctor can't know what you're thinking or feeling, you need to tell them everything in as much detail as you can give in order for them to properly assess and help you with what you need.

    :elkrune:Look into the option of support groups. Your GP can also give you referrals to these.

    :elkrune:If you need it, there are crisis hotlines that are 24/7 throughout the US, and probably other countries as well. If you have ever felt that crisis moment in the past, it's worth your while to look up those phone numbers now and put them in a safe spot, just in case. Here are a couple for the US:

    Crisis Connection 1-800-245-4580 http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/.

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1 (800) 273-8255 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


You owe it to yourself to take the best care of yourself as you possibly can. And as a forum, we care about your well-being. We are here to listen if you need to vent, if you need outside perspective, or if you need to talk to people who may simply understand. But we will also encourage you to seek professional help if we feel you would really benefit from it and you aren't already talking to someone.



Please, get rid of the firearm. It only leads to temptations in your current state of mind and I fear for you as well as your loved ones. Take a step back and view your whole situation from a different perspective. Seek professional guidance. The power to change ones situation is always within reach and always within your power, you just need the boost to do it for the positive. If you hate your living situation seek out affordable housing (government housing if you have too) anything is better than feeling trapped. You are your own savior, you have it within you to break away to make a better life, you just cannot allow yourself to fear it.
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby Vesca » Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:02 pm

First disclaimer: I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. If nothing else, they can help you find coping methods or prescribe you mild medications to get through the worst bits.

I can't begin to understand where you're coming from (since I'm not walking your life for you), but if you feel like sharing any details about why your ex is still a big part of your life, or if you're able to move out of your parents' home, it may shed a little light on your situation for us. Totally optional, however. :)

I only mention it because sometimes, in extreme cases, going No Contact with a family can sometimes be a very real option for someone who has suffered chronic abuse throughout their lives.

I wish I had more of a functioning brain tonight, but the flu seems to have kidnapped my smartness, so all I can really do at this point is offer my sympathies and say to hold in there because time changes everything and you are moving forward (even if they aren't, and even if it doesn't seem like it some days).
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby SnowCat » Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:56 pm

Going no contact with my mother, and extremely limited contact with my brother, was the best thing I ever did for myself.

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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby HippieWitch » Fri May 01, 2015 6:32 pm

I've been no contact to my extended family for years now. I'm on several meds already to keep me calm. Don't see a therapist anymore though.

I've calmed down a lot now. Went to see my girl out if state, so I feel at peace for now. Hope to move here soon if I can.
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby HippieWitch » Wed May 06, 2015 8:27 pm

Ok, just an update for y'all, I'm ok. I'm in a better place now and about to move out of state to be with my amazing fiancée. She self harms also, and I'm trading my pistol for a tattoo of a razor blade and survivor under it. She's promised me not to ever again and I made the promise back. Spent the past weekend with her and my life is turning around now that I found my home. Things couldn't be better.
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby AdastraJunction » Wed May 06, 2015 8:43 pm

I can't even express how happy and proud of you this makes me feel. Good luck to you my darling, and your fiance
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby HippieWitch » Wed May 06, 2015 8:44 pm

Thank you so very much. My fiancée has been riding me to get rid of it and the comments here helped me to. Thank you all for being here for me when my parents wouldn't be.
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby Vesca » Wed May 06, 2015 10:35 pm

I'm glad to hear you're moving in a healthy and happy direction! :)
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby HippieWitch » Sun May 10, 2015 9:41 am

ImageUploadedByTapatalk1431268863.929415.jpg


Btw, here's the tattoo.
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Re: I'm losing my mind…

Postby Deejean » Fri May 22, 2015 11:58 pm

Beautiful tattoo, I'm so proud of you for conquering your struggle :)
Good luck to you and your fiancee in the future to come!
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